Archive for November, 2008

Did you see the story?

I, like many around the world, was horrified and saddened to see the Afghan girls and their teachers who had been attacked on their way to school by men with bottles of acid. The courage these girls and many others face every day to step outside their homes in search of a better future is inspirational. We, in our part of the world, could not begin to know that bravery as it takes so little for us to send our children or ourselves to school.

We went off to school at the tender age of five,  with the only scary prospect being the exploration of something new and separation from our parents. Women fought for our right to be educated beyond the expectations of only learning proper “quilting techniques” and “how to be a lady”. I for one am truly thankful, but even those women after many years of lobbying did not endure what these girls and women do.

Some girls in Afghanistan are quite a bit older, far past the age of five and are just starting their basics of education. Some were (and many still are) not able to even step foot outside their door as going beyond the confines of their home was not permitted. Many were expected to work at home, take care of the sick or marry early, never to receive an education. Currently in Afghanistan, “only 35 percent of the children enrolled in schools are girls, according to CARE, an international humanitarian agency.” This may not seem very good but it is better than it was.

For the few that do attend school, I have read interviews where they speak about their excitement of meeting other girls outside of their own family members and at the prospect of learning to read, write and learn as much as they can. Some even take an accelerated learning class. In part I would think, to get to the level they should have been at their age, but I suspect it may be practical to get in as much learning just in case the opportunity is taken away again. Can you even imagine how this improves their self esteem!

My heart goes out to those girls and all the women of the world who struggle to do that which we take for granted. I feel helpless not knowing what to do for all of them. I do know that they are in my heart and that I admire every family who believed it was in their best interest to educate both their sons and daughters. I hold hope for each of those girls and women, that they will rise above gender discrimination and misogyny to embrace their right to life and improve the rights of future generations. I wish for them happiness in whatever form that takes, as it will be their decision and theirs alone. I want them to know… “I’m thinking of you today.”

This past Saturday night I was out at a restaurant and observed a family who had just been seated across from us. I noticed that the son had his IPod earpiece attached in his ear. Naturally, I thought this would be removed as he is about to dine with his family, but to my surprise this earpiece remained firmly implanted. This really bothered me!

What happen to manners? He is sitting at dinner table not a mall bench. How is his inactivity in conversation helping him? The dinner table is a good place to engage with people, not technology.  What are these parents thinking? Have we all gone mad and can not function without being plugged into something?

I see it all the time and wonder what would happen to people if they were unplugged. Unplugged from cell phones, IPods, computers and the television.

Would they begin to have more conversations with others around them? Would they hear the sounds of their world more clearer? If their home computer was off when they returned from work, what would the rest of their days and nights look like?

If the television was turned off would they get that project done they have been saying they have no time for? Would they begin to write that book they are always talking about? Would they be more physically active or more creative? What would they accomplish?

Within my own life I know how easy it is to plug in and tune out, but I have come to realize in doing this I am not truly living purposefully. We miss the language of life when our ears are plugged with devices. Common courtesy for the people around us is tossed aside. Acknowledgement of our surroundings is diminished and that can make us vulnerable. But most of all, we may sit back one day and say “I wish I had …”.

There are many addictions in this world but it appears some people have lost their ability to live a moment, a day, a week, a month without having that fix of the screen in front of their eyes or other technological devices attached to their ears. They spend countless hours tuned into other peoples creativity, business or dramatizations of life, family and careers. If you don’t think you are addicted, then try unplugging. If what you use is not for work purposes than shut it off.

Try to see how you physically feel when you unplug for a day, two days, a week or more. Did you have troubles knowing what to do with your time? Did it force you to talk with others in your family or your community? Did you get something done you previously could not finish? Did you find another way to vegetate or relax?

Observing that young man at the dinner table I couldn’t help but think that if plugging in or tuning out becomes the norm, we as a society will lose more than a conversation with those we love. I’m not anti-technology as some may believe, I’m using it right now, what I am is someone who knows to keep it in its place.

As I climb the steps to the second floor of my home I reach an area I love dearly. Two wicker chairs, a table with a Tiffany lamp, lovely pictures and cabinetry extending across one wall.  Sitting there, I get to look at my treasures neatly displayed all in one place. One of the items on the shelf was a book I have had since childhood, The Annotated Alice. The book itself is a masterpiece but it also includes running commentary on all the jokes, games, parodies etc., that connect the reader to Lewis Carroll’s writings.

It became a topic of conversation last weekend as another person who picked up the book was quite surprised that this had been given to a child. The research, the complexity, the discussion about Lewis Carroll that prefaces the actual writings, all begged the question “Isn’t this something for an adult, not a child?” I had to think for only a moment and then said ” No, I have had this since I was a child and I remember reading it, it was a gift.” I couldn’t remember from whom, but I knew it was a gift, something to be treasured.

The curiosity got the best of me and I called my mother to fill in the gaps of my memory. It turned out this book was a gift from Santa, “any books unsigned were from Santa.” She began to give me insight into how a book like this would fall into a child’s hands.

My parents had decided very early on that their children would be exposed to lots of of different types of books and music. My father and mother would read to us articles or books they were currently reading, and we would attentively follow along. Apparently, I enjoyed reading with my father, listening and turning the pages, until eventually reading books on my own. Though children’s books and songs were always present they felt it was important to expose us to so much more. Second to that, she stated that it was not enough to just read a book but better still to understand what was behind the writings.

I will speak for myself here about what my mother observed in me, though it appears my sisters felt likewise, learning was fun! Knowing why something is the way it is, was cool. Sure, I could have read Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass just like everyone else but if I had the interest and the capacity to learn more, why not?

This conversation ended up answering a lot more than “where did I get this book from?” Instead it unlocked memories of sitting with my father, it explained why I enjoy the books I do, which are mainly from a learning or biographical perspective, and it taught me that my parents endeavoured to prepare me well for my future. My mother went on to say,that they knew the world would open up to us and we would need to know how to conduct ourselves and speak with others in many different circles.

I am thankful for their vision as I do believe it was a good idea to expose us to various books, music and travel,  as it made us better equipped to go forward in our lives. She said, they wanted us to be able to carry a conversation and not just stand there dumb-founded, as she feels many children do now. Whether this is the case, I do not know. I do know that having children respectfully a part of conversation builds confidence, taking them outside of the box of prescribed childhood activities and reading will build knowledge and the purpose of a parent is to prepare your child for adulthood.

Santa was really smart and I’m really happy with the gift he left me many years ago. I am also thankful to my parents for opening our minds and that one moment in a day became an incredible conversation with my Mum that I will never forget. (My father may have passed away young but another gift he left behind has been revealed.)

One of the things I have questioned since starting to blog, is the exposure of my personal self and my professional self all on the same site. In a culture so obsessed with image, sometimes all for the wrong reasons, I would like to find a middle ground. You see, instead of worrying about “me” being open for public consumption, I want  to embrace it.

There is always a balance that must be struck, as I am particularly aware that professionalism is important and find it very frustrating when I see the lack of it in work places that I frequent. My professional image is significant, even the clothes I wear and the language that I use is extremely important. I feel a tremendous responsibility for the counsel I provide and the confidence that has been placed in me. Rarely would you catch me deviating from what I have determined is my “professional self image” and never from the ethics I live by. The work I do means a lot and the people I serve expect the best I can give. On my web page it is all business and service, and that is the way it will remain. I am part of a team of professionals and that is a partnership that needs to be honored. (Check out www.jbcrossland.com. Soon you will see a fresh website with more members of our team and I’m excited by the new look and services provided.)

My personal self has it’s own style and up till this point has remained private. What I do with my time, likes, dislikes or what I think about, has been mainly discussed only with family and friends. Some windows on my world were opened to others when I deemed it appropriate. Even when looking at my biography it was hard for me to initially allow for my personal tastes to be included, in essence showing the other me. But, I do not wish to create a space for duality, as I believe that when I work along side others I do so with authenticity. When I share with my friends and family I do so with that same authenticity. As such when I write it should be from that same core value.

The key is to be real, fake is not cool and people see right through it immediately. One of the reasons someone like Oprah Winfrey was a success, (beyond her obvious talents) was her ability to be herself and still do her job. She, and others like her, manage to give people a look inside their thoughts without over exposure, and they don’t have to be seen as perfect.

So, in regards to this little blog page:

It is a guarantee that I’m not always going to be grammatically correct and depending on the time I have or lack of sleep, my spelling could be off. (I have a great friend who may help keep that on track for me)

I am passionate about certain topics and may revisit them from time to time, this helps me try to make sense out of the senseless. Being myself means that I have strong opinions that may not be shared so well by others. This is where the room for comment plays such an important role and I love that.

So, choose what you want to experience, as there will be interplay between my personal and professional self. This to me embodies freedom and I can breathe a sigh of relief for the acceptance of all sides of myself. I encourage others to do the same. There will be no judgment here, your personal voice and professional opinions are equally welcome.

A career can be described as the sum total of life experiences including all paid and unpaid work, education, interests and leisure activities. That being said, we would have a wealth of skills to draw from and an expansive definition of self. Talking about ourselves should be easy, shouldn’t it?

For many it is not easy. I meet people who have such difficulty in defining their background, skills and attributes as soon as the question “tell me about your self?” appears. Most women (not all) will default to their personal life first “I am married, have two children…” and then migrate to their previous work experience, men will usually jump to their last job and follow up with a description. In both cases they rarely find a way to truly define themselves and it appears to be such an uncomfortable question.

Now lets jump to a scenario. You have just lost your job and are attending a party at someone’s house, as you mingle around the room, what is the question you get asked? “So Kim, what do you do?” The question you dread when currently you are doing nothing but getting over your lay off or trying to find more work. Many people define themselves by their last job and find it particularly hard not to immediately jump to that identity, as if they are less of a person without their job title.

What I want you to do is take out a piece of paper and write down the title of a previous job you have had or a volunteer position. Put the job title at the top of the page and if you have been a caregiver or stay at home mom that title is also extremely important to include. Now, write down everything you did under that position, not in book form but a point form of everything you can remember you did in your daily activities.

Once you have completed a list of those activities go back up to the top of the page and cross off your job title, just erase it!! Now, what are you left with? Your skills, your knowledge and I bet there is a lot more on that list than what was originally given as your “job description.”

I want you to own all of that and more. Describe yourself in a holistic way: “I am a sales person with 10 years of experience…”, ” I was a stay at home mom with a background in management which was particularly well used in managing my household”.  There are multiple ways you could explain who you are but the best that you can do is to look at the big picture. This lesson applies not only to the question asked of you but also when you are creating your resume. Don’t short change yourself, remember your experience is vast.

Even if you have been off work and are travelling around trying to find the next opportunity, your suitcase is still full of all the skills you have accumulated along the way. Decide what is important to you now. Promoting who you are starts with a very clear answer to the question “Can you tell me about yourself?”

“Well yes, I can!”