Archive for July, 2009

Jack Welch the former General Electric Co. Chief made some comments at the Society for Human Resource Management conference that hit the proverbial fan. It seems the interpretation of his speech looked very much like a man who was nonsupporting of women who require time to raise a family. He is not one to believe in the concept of work/life balance. “There are work/life choices and you make them, and they have consequences.” Well, that sounds ominous.

Further to that, was the claim that a person who wants to take the time out for family will be be passed over for promotion if “you’re not there in the clutch.” I’ll save that one for another time, but as for work/life balance and choices here is where I want to go with this:

After all these years of working with individuals in career development/planning, I have yet to have one man come in and ask me how to balance his life and career.Truly, not one.

It may be because it was a little easier in some professions to climb to a level that afforded them more balance personally and financially.  As for having a family, they don’t have nine months of pregnancy to contend with; physically growing larger by the week, more tired by the day while still maintaining their employment and work responsibilities. Interruption in their career after baby is born is shorter and therefore doesn’t impact them greatly. It could also be that the division of labour in the home is still not equal and that children seem to require more of Mom’s attention than Dad’s.

So, by virtue of just these examples alone I would think the scale itself would not look balanced to begin with, so why ask? It may also be that it is all just water off a ducks back and trying to obtain balance is something men don’t feel the need to attain. Life is life.

In measuring anything on a scale we may see balance and we are happy with that for how ever long it last. It gives us a temporary sense of accomplishment. Then the scale may tip one way or the other as we attempt to add more things to one side. Balance is hard to maintain in a life that is not stagnant, but it is possible to balance more often than not.  That is why I will grant Mr. Welch one thing… we do have work/life choices and those are the things that get our scales unbalanced if not properly assessed prior to decision making.

Here is my observation from watching people all around me, listening in on conversations, reading the blogs and counselling the professional/working Mom.

Most of the time I see women doing far more than they need to be doing. They have made a “choice” to do for their children and their partners what each could do for themselves. Instead of dividing the workloads many women appear to feel they are superior; their children/partners are incapable of contributing properly. Consequently, the family’s ability to take on more responsibility or even think for themselves is lost. Many useful skills simply never get developed or vanish. These women have created the position of NEED, on top of all the hats worn they want also to be “needed.”

“I don’t know what they would do without me.” If a woman can not balance her life, transition within or even expand on her career in the way that she had intended, most of the time I can trace it back to impulsive decision making and/or to lack of delegation. If women today are less happy than they were in previous generations as some study suggested, it isn’t feminism that killed that (which was one of the suggested culprits) it is because they have not stepped up to the plate and claimed their life, career and time properly. Also, generation past… may have ill-prepared this generation to think, do and delegate. (Just an observation, not a scientific fact) 

Balance comes when the scale is evenly weighted – not perfect, it will move from time to time but the expectation is that others will help in the process. Here is food for thought: Children are not invalids! Less tech time and more understanding of home maintenance will help with work/life balance. Make the connection that a grown man who is perfectly capable at work to balance his appointments, meet deadlines, communicate and clean up his work space is able to do the same when he comes home.

At the end of the day it does come down to choices. There are consequences, but we make the scale tip negatively or positively. The career woman shouldn’t need to be afraid of her choices, let the Jack Welch’s of the world fade to black and have larger expectations for those around you professionally and personally. As a wise colleague of mine Sheila Radha Conrad pointed out “Empowerment comes from within”….use it! All the answers to what will balance your life, enhance your career and benefit your family can be found if you look inward.

A video has surfaced, making its way like wild fire through the news and blog world.  Ringling Brothers Circus is again in the spotlight and not in a good way. The video shows mainly the elephants being abused, but also has brief shot of tigers too.

PETA had an employee undercover and he or she managed to capture the hooking, whipping, and multiple beatings of the elephants. These images were taken this year. No matter how you feel about PETA or animal rights activists this should not dissuade you from viewing this pre-show abuse. Facts are facts and it makes no difference to me what group or whom captured these images, it is clear these poor animals are in distress. It is disturbing to watch as they repeatedly hit the animals and clearly the elephants appear beaten into submission and for one maybe insanity.

If you are one of many people who have taken your children to the circus maybe you might think differently. If you are a business offering tickets to this event, it is time you find something else to offer your VIP’s. No matter how you cut it, this is abuse! Even the language the trainer is using, shows how little regard they hold for these beautiful animals. Yet, many families line up to take in the shows, mistaking the animals performance as fun for all.

It appears the animals are not having fun at all and nor should they. The circus is no place for these creatures and shame on anyone who still goes to the circus!

Ringling Bros Elephant Abuse

Additional note: Read what Dame Daphne Sheldrick had to say about the circus and its return to the United Kingdom.

Sheldrick Wildlife Trust

How would you like to be woke up at 5:30 am or get yourself all cozy in your bed at night and hear an automated voice boom out “352 Vancouver“ ?

Apparently, Translink had an idea, “Lets not have our operators use their own voices, or leave it up to the riders to ask questions anymore, let’s go automated.” Consequently, all day long we and thousands of other people get disturbed by the automated voice system installed in their buses.

We live 120 feet from the bus stop and have a six foot fence separating us from the road. This however makes no difference. This morning at 5:25am the voice entered the room again and that was it! I couldn’t wait till 8:30am rolled around to give them a chance to hear my voice complaining.

I’m respectful and calm in my approach, not as automated as the voice from beyond my fence but none the less direct. My voice explained how disturbing this automation is, the distance it travels and how if affects our quality of life. My voice was very clear that we already put up with speeding loud buses, but it was not right to expects us hear its number and where it’s going. I asked the person to think for just a moment how they would feel if they were in our position? Waking just after 5am, listening all day or finding yourself at night hearing the automated voice boom into your bedroom?

My voice wanted action on this issue. It wants Translink to find an alternative, though I won’t hold my breath. Public relations has not been their strong suit, I’ve heard. I have a couple of suggestions that can be printed without editing:

1. Scrap the automated voice system. Keep your buses quiet and your operators doing some customer interaction with oncoming/outgoing riders. Just like they used to do.

2. If you can’t scrap it…TURN IT DOWN!! If I can hear it over 100 feet away that is too loud!! I don’t care who you are trying to appease, we should not have to be subjected to repeated interruptions and disturbances to satisfy a very few people. Be more creative and come up with something else.

I was not the only one with a complaint, I was informed that people living in many areas have similar complaints. Good to know but “What the heck are you going to do about it?” Meanwhile, Jennifer is getting cranky and really feels the only voices she should be hearing is from her family and the one’s in her head.

Thanks to readers out there I have a few more links to review. I am so appreciative of anyone who works to support the victims of trafficking and who help to make our politicians implement laws and policies that will make a difference. Here is a link from Linda.

Canada, USA, UK it doesn’t matter where I go in the world, mentioning this topic opens up news stories familiar and unfamiliar. There is a story to be told everywhere. Modern day slavery is what we are talking about and the only thing that is going to turn this around is to keep the discussion going. Thanks to all who have emailed and commented.

Human Trafficking Accountability

In our July 15th, 2009 local paper there was a reference to a man being turned away at our border crossing. The Canada Border Services Agency searched and questions the US citizen, he was apparently going to spend ten days in Vancouver. What was he packing for his trip? A large amount of condoms, an 8-mm video camera, erased videos, a Polaroid camera, film and a list of massage parlours. He was turned away as he needed to provided records of a hit-and run charge in California that dated back to 1989 and proof of residency/employment.

Here is what I want to know: Did anyone think to seize the list of massage parlours and hand it over to the police, because there is a good chance they are operating illegally.

Humans are being bought and sold! Especially women and children. They are being sold into sexual slavery; working in brothels, massage parlours, strip clubs and on the street. Many people may shy away from this topic, it’s too difficult to hear, they may feel powerless to do anything about it. Some even still believe women and girls choose this life, it’s a victimless crime. Those people are most certainly misinformed.

The bastard that was turned away at the border knew where to go. He along with many others become quite familiar with the strip clubs, parlours and streets that will satisfy their need to “buy a girl.” (or girls) He and people like him have no problem with exploitation and lining the pockets of the criminal underground.

For each of their victims there is this reality. Her name is irrelevant, in fact her real identity has long since been erased. She has no past, present or future. All of that is inconsequential, she is an object to be watched, touched and abused. She does not feel anymore and everything said or not said has been strictly coached and enforced. Her true voice and thoughts long silenced.

In this months TimeFinders Magazine my column takes a look at efforts of the Salvation Army to combat Human Sex Trafficking. Their SPARKLE OF HOPE Campaign helps raise public awareness and funds programs for victims. Major Winn Blackman spoke to me at length about the work they are doing and what is happening around the world, as well as here in Vancouver. Human Sex Trafficking is alive and well!

I am currently working on a larger piece that will look at this issue in depth and incorporate more of my interview with Major Winn Blackman.

Here is what I ask of you:

DON’T TURN AWAY! We need to look at the role we all play in the issue of Human Trafficking and in particular Human Sex Trafficking. Societies acceptance of certain norms is fueling this industry. By not taking a cold hard look at the facts we are in essence allowing individuals and criminal organizations to operate freely within our cities. The Buying and Selling of Humans is wrong! Become informed, buy a pin to support the Sparkle of Hope Campaign, do something, but don’t turn away!! There is a woman or child out there that needs you.

TimeFinders Magazine – Worldly Women

(ALSO CHECK OUT THE LINK PROVIDED AT THE BOTTOM OF ARTICLE FOR THE HELEN BAMBER FOUNDATION, THE VIDEO FEATURES ACTOR EMMA THOMPSON)

Heart and Stevie Nicks…let me share with you the concert in my living room. Here’s how it started:

Laying on my back, staring up at the ceiling in my dimly lit bedroom I knew I was about to add to my nearly 48 hours without proper sleep. I go through cycles where sleep, normally difficult, becomes down right impossible. I’m used to this, the mind won’t shut down.

If I have watched anything prior to sleep that has me questioning the sanity of our world I’m truly doomed. It is for that reason that I don’t watch the news, or shows depicting people I would normally run away from if they opened their mouth. I prefer to watch a light comedy instead, currently running in our DVD player is Frasier…it cracks me up!

However, even Frasier could not override the messages in my head and so I got right back out of bed and popped in Live in Chicago Stevie Nicks. That started to be bring me back to earth, the show got better and better with each song. It was her story telling and her voice that swept me away. Stevie has a natural way of drifting you through a song, her voice is enchanting, her look mesmerizing, her depth translates well even on screen.

I finished that DVD, but still felt I had a ways to go. That is when I brought out the big guns! Heart Alive in Seattle. Now, if you know me well, you know this is my favourite rock band. I have followed this band since the 1970’s. My first album, given to me at Christmas, was Heart – Little Queen. It was particularly helpful during the most challenging time for our family, it was my escape from the immense loss felt by us all. I dove into the songs as if they were the only thing that would wash me clean and set me free.

Last night I immersed myself again into the voices and music. The days, hours, conversations, concerns and plans slowly peeled away. I played a few favourites before finding my body ready to attempt sleep again. When I found my mind drifting to reality, I would drift it back to the music, the women of rock…Stevie, Ann and Nancy.

I don’t know what helps you sleep or takes away the days or weeks thoughts, but for me every once in awhile I have to go to a concert in my living room.

The child in me sat in front of her little blue stereo and shut the world off, she would sing loud when the words cut deep and danced when the mood found her. I can do that too, but I can also just curl up with a blanket in a chair and allow the music to work its magic, a good end to a long day.

Though I have seen Heart many times in concert I have yet to be one of the lucky ones to meet them, its on my bucket list. If I ever met any of those women I would thank them, it would be the least I could do, but I know if they looked into my eyes they would know why.

Think for a moment: What helps take away your day or takes you to a magical place? Enjoy.

Heart – Live in Seattle Barracuda

Stevie Nicks – Landslide

Today I took a quick trip down the road to post off a couple of letters. I have walked that way many times and often pass by people, jogging, walking or cycling. Whether it was the sunshine or something else I decided to make a point of smiling and saying “hi” as I passed people.

Most of the time people watch the ground as they walk or look straight ahead, but as the head rises or the eyes meet momentarily we assess each other. A quick glance to see are we going to engage or ignore?  I decided to engage with a smile and hello, a simple civil act that created an instant warmth.

Just a smile alone made a difference, especially for the elderly folks. Frankly, I felt better too. The walk held a new meaning; same sights, sounds and smells but with an added bonus. The bonus was in the acknowledgement that I live amongst these people, we are alive and well. That by smiling and saying “hello” we had an experience, however fleeting, together. It made me like my street better.

I liked my walk, my street and the interaction with others. Odd really, but ultimately I was present…and so were they. Try to smile more and say “hello” watch what happens.

Today my husband came home and informed me that seven more contractors had been laid off at his work. There has been a lot down-sizing in the last year and nobody is immune from the chopping block.

At first the company appeared to be making decisions based on performance, if someone hadn’t been very productive or lacked professional drive they were the first to go. Then came the look toward individuals who could retire early, any takers? How about re-assignment anyone? Refusal to accept the new assignment may result in the proverbial “walking the plank.”

With the full intention to keep the business running and thriving through these tough economic times staffers who have been loyal, productive and necessary are still alive, contractors have been looking over their shoulders for time now.

I am a worry wart when it comes to finances. I track our spending and check our credit and debt load especially with news such as this. My husband is well respected and very busy in his position but anything can happen and so I don’t take the news lightly.

As a career consultant I know the ins and outs of the labour market at the best and worst of times. Familiarization with numerous fields makes it easier to track trends, research and advise accordingly. However, when it is as close to home as this is, I just try to remember to breathe.

I am confident in our ability to make good decisions. We have planned for just such an event, saved and adjusted our lifestyle over two years ago. Still, in hearing the news of more workers who are no doubt grappling with the transition upon them, I for one am going to keep an ear to the ground and an eye on our spending. Rainy days come quick and saving pennies was never a bad thing.

It is always odd in life when a conversation or observation plays itself out more than once in a short period of time. Of late it has been individuals who are trying desperately to defy aging. For many years I watched women try various treatments, creams, workouts, diets and clothing styles in an attempt to divert attention away from the signs of aging. Two very good examples of that presented themselves this past couple of weeks and my interest was peaked…Can the obsession with anti-aging, age you?

Women have long thought that by doing all of the above treatments they would somehow feel better about their bodies and overall image. It also appears that many believe that what they are doing is making them more beautiful to the public eye. I don’t have a problem with people who want to keep themselves healthy or even change up their personal style but some women are appearing older; trying to drink from the fountain of youth may have proved poisonous.

In the pursuit of the sun-kissed glow there are people who take that to the extreme and after years of tanning now sport the “leather look.” It has increased their wrinkles, moles and other skin related conditions and ultimately does not look youthful at all.

Clothing that belongs on a teenager or twenty year old is not flattering to the forty+  body. Yet we see many women attempting to claim their youth, through the wearing of styles so inappropriate it draws more negative attention than positive.

There are surgical enhancements/treatments that look mismatched in comparison to the body parts that are not altered. Not to mention botched jobs that cost some people more than what they bargained for.

How about injections that create an expressionless face that has everyone fixated on how nothing moves, rather than on what the person is saying.

What we see in the mirror is not always a true reflection and as a result we may never know how damaging the anti-aging pursuits have been.

It is a fact that we age and all of us have the choice to grow old with grace and acceptance, or fight it all the way to the grave. The fighting is futile; as sure as we will age, so shall we die. The amount of time, money and self battering associated with all of this may only hasten the process. The diets and dyes, drugs and surgeries, stresses with dressing and constant obsessing, may indeed age us quicker.

I know the pressure is there, streamed and beamed into every part of our life. A youth centric culture with air-brushed women and a warped sense of what makes a woman sexy. We can not enter any store, open a magazine, flip a channel, drive past a billboard or peruse the Internet without being reminded we are not good enough. Our attractiveness is measured constantly by society and even partners/family. So, it is no wonder that there are people who will never feel like they measure up.

We all do a self examination, myself included. After entering my forties I found myself on occasion assessing this new me, it comes with laugh and worry lines, a size up in clothing, more gray hair and a workout that takes me twice as long.  It is the work out that has me most perplexed. Apparently, muscles have memory but I think mine are suffering from a memory lapse, as they can’t remember my abs of steel and contoured triceps.

Having said that, I am not prepared to succumb to the pressures of being something I am not. What I wish for my body is health and happiness. What I want is to wear clothing that flatters the body that carried me this far, despite some bad decisions in the past. I don’t want to spend my money on anti-aging, just healthy living. If for some reason I have a case of missing my youthful looks too much, I’m hoping I have people around who can set me straight before I do irreversible damage to what was beautiful to begin with.

INVEST IN YOUR SELF ESTEEM, IT WILL CARRY YOU FARTHER IN LIFE AND LOVE.

What a moving and fitting tribute to Michael. The celebration of life was full, I don’t think anyone could have anticipated how much he touched this world beyond the music. What I loved about this celebration was how much one could learn about him; that which gets overlooked by insatiable appetite to mock or vilify a person who rises above us all.

As a person who strives to see people reach their highest potential, to love life and those in it, he truly was a great humanitarian. I did not know that he had been bestowed the Guinness Book of World Records for his charitable donations. I knew that he broke through racial barriers, raised awareness about issues, especially AIDS, but through this celebration I learned so much more.

The depth of this man was great, it was so deep we rarely see it in most human beings. Most of us can’t reach that deep, to pull up from our being the answers to the questions about self and set it free. He knew what he was capable of, he knew what his gifts were, he knew how to tap into his greatness and share it well with others and not use it to prop up his own ego.

People like Michael Jackson deserve a day like today, though there will be many who question “why?” It is because we can not truly know him the way these people did that came together to pay tribute. They walk with this man, talk with this man, laughed with this man and still despite their closeness stood in awe of this man.

An artist, he was. An entertainer he was. His contribution can not be fully measured in that legacy alone, as magnificent as it is. I believe the legacy is in the efforts of one man to take what he knew intuitively and instinctively, a gift from the great spirit and translate that into language the world could understand. The language of love, the embodiment of hope and healing, compassion, respect and understanding. He translated the language from his heart to all those that would listen and they did.

One world celebrating a life, one world that was a better place because of his contribution.