Archive for July, 2009

I heard the report Sunday on the radio, a girl six years old had been sexually assaulted in a Surrey, BC neighbourhood. She was walking with her brother who is 12 and his friend 15 when a man approached them at knife point and ordered the boys to wait as he took the girl into the woods and assaulted her. The story continues to unfold with the release of a composite drawing of the suspect. There are many children worldwide who have been victims of assault and when I open this topic up I do so in remembrance of all of them. The silent cries and innocence lost.

Instead of me writing from my personal experience working with victims of sexual and physical assault or from my rage about this tragic incident, I will say exactly what came to mind while watching a music DVD. There was a moment when the image of a young girl playing a piano graced the screen, the song had nothing to do with a tragedy such as this, but some how my music world collided for a brief moment with the face of a child. So I write this for the little girl from Surrey, BC and all those children who have suffered.

I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that you had such a terrifying moment in your life where nobody could save you. I know that what you saw and felt has changed you and I’m sorry for that too. You were not deserving of such treatment, there is nothing you could have done to stop a bad person like this person. You are six years old and life should not look like this, so young and innocent, precious in the eyes of many who love you and those that have never met you.

You are probably afraid to fall asleep at night and going outside will be difficult, people just won’t be the same anymore. You may not trust and that is normal for what you have experienced. I pray that you will be surrounded by people who will help you, that their anger will not overtake the core needs of your mind and spirit. I’m sorry that this bad person took away so much from you but I hope you eventually come to a place of healing. That may take a long time but I ask you to hold on tight to yourself.

You, my little one, have a big life to live. Brought into this world for reasons only your spirit knows but I can tell you that this bad person will not be there. He does not hold the rest of your life in his hands, you can’t let him! Your body is your own, your mind is you own and so are your dreams.

If nightmares come and you don’t feel safe go to the arms of those you do trust and love dearly. They will protect you.

There may be a lot of people talking around you right now and I want you to hum or play a favourite song. When people are hurt and feel powerless there may be much said, but those are feelings they have to express. I pray that they shield you from that, but whatever you hear don’t let it be an imprint on your soul that causes any more pain. Release it. Tell you stuffed toy to take it away for you. Tie it to a balloon and let it float off into the sky.

I’m so sorry your little life has been turned upside down. It will be different, I can’t tell a lie, but it will right itself eventually if every body does their part to make it so. Do the best you can, I know you will.

This weekend was packed full of celebration! On Canada Day we didn’t have to contend with any crowds as we watched the fireworks with our friends Gary and Lise at a resort on the US side of the border. After spending some time on our boat and at the resort, enjoying the company of good people, it made for a nice evening indeed.

Then came the Fourth of July, America’s big day. Wow! do they know how to to light up the sky in celebration. We had friends throughout the day drop by and finally as the evening approached managed to watch fireworks going off all around us. Not for the 10-15 minute show we saw in Canada but for hours. I kept thinking the last burst of light was the last but no….here we go again.

It was a great and tiring weekend full of new experiences, puttering, relaxing and lots of socializing. Meeting more great people and exploring our new surroundings. We took our boat out during the day for a practise run and managed to see a baby seal and its mother on the dock. It had just been born, the sea gulls were flocking around a bit for clean up purposes and mother was barking at them. We stayed a safe and respectful distance away but what a sight to behold… a fourth of July baby! The pups and mothers were quite plentiful around there and so was a lot of other marine life. Again, a true privilege to behold.

I think I’m still getting my sea legs as my body still wants to move even when I’m on dry land. I caught a glimpse of my shadow as I stood overlooking the marina and sure enough I was moving. Weird.

This is a life I will begin to write about often. Its not career development or maybe even self esteem but it is contributing to the overall knowledge of self, my surroundings, partnerships and learning. It’s a good thing.

It is often hard to give ourselves permission to stop and truly take care of self.

Lately, I have been pulling out many hats and switching them several times throughout the day.  There are moments of clarity where I talk to my self and say, “What the heck are you doing, Jennifer?” The answer comes back, “stop and have lunch, drink water, breathe, damn it breathe.” Still I proceed unsympathetic to its pleas, after all there is a list of things to do and a timeline in which to do it.

There are also roles; that are defined very early on in relationships with family, friends and significant others. Each person, for the most part, is busy too and therefore has difficulty noticing if we are burning the candle at both ends. There is a person who might pipe and say, “Why don’t you just not do that?” OK, I could put it aside but the odd thing is, the darn thing will be waiting for me tomorrow or next week when I’m equally busy, so how does that help? What’s even odder is that thing you put off, waits until you’re just about to drop off to sleep and then creeps into your head and says in a whispering voice, “Don’t forget…. tomorrow” And I’m awake again.

So, today I took time out at the spa. “Ahhhh.” It was there in the low lights, relaxing music and with the gentle hands of Leanne providing me with a well needed facial, I had a moment. Here I am imparting the wisdom of women balancing their life and careers and I’m not taking my own advice. Asking women to take time out for self and sharing how those around you will benefit from your self care and here I was forgetting to even take a proper breath.

This time at the spa was a luxury I do not afford myself often. Financially it is not always feasible, sometimes I feel guilty for loving it so much and as you can see I don’t allow time. It is my choice to wear all those hats and sometimes a hat is donated and worn to alleviate someone else. Either way, saying “No” is a word that is hard to say, even for me.

So, this counsellor needs to take her own advice more often and the advice of those loving people who observe the flames as I streak by them on my way to the next project.

Taking care of self should not be the gift you give yourself, but the norm. I have to say, I will need to explore this further, reach deep and overcome. In the meantime, I will start small, reduce the current array of hats and know that “Delegation” and saying “NO”, are not dirty words. My face is clean and so to is my conscience for taking an hour + for self.