Archive for August, 2009

This morning a large spider, the largest I have ever seen, thought it was a good idea to hang out in my bathroom sink. Upon going to wash my hands he and I met. It wasn’t a good meeting as I backed slowly out of the room to contemplate how he was going to die.

Now, I’m normally the type of person who attempts to set even flies free if possible, it’s just too hard to watch them continuously bang up against the window seeking their freedom. However, I have a different policy for spiders, if they remain outside the home they live, if they trespass on the inside I invoke a US type state law with the right to bear arms and protect myself and property.

It was clear he was too big to flush down the drain, and he would have survived being sucked up into the vacuum cleaner. So, the only option remained the time honored approach of death by shoe. I looked at the available shoes, one size 11 runner…won’t fit in the sink. One nice brown strappy pump…not willing to sacrifice my pretty shoe. There it was – the small flip flop. Cleans off easily and will fit in sink.

I approached my sink cautiously, took a deep breath and then splat! A sound I will not describe in depth let me know I had succeeded. Still too big to wash down I proceeded with a big mound of paper towel and gathered up his lifeless body to be taken to his new burial in the outside garbage can.

My heart pounding, I felt no remorse. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do to survive comfortably in our home. My Epipen was upstairs and I was with the enemy on the downstairs, large spider met small shoe and I’m perfectly OK with that outcome.

No matter how you cut it even a small wedding takes time to plan.

It has been incredibly hard to find enough hours in the day to work on various projects and then add in oh…..a wedding! Balancing life, work and wedding organization is a challenge, delegating out some key pieces has become necessary. This is something I have always advocated for people to do and it is at that point where I will be taking my own advice. Time is ticking and even my confidence to pull everything together is weakening.  It’s nothing major just that all consuming thought that I am forgetting some crucial detail and staring up at the ceiling at night going over the “to do” list.

Blogging is going to have to slow down right now, so be prepared for smaller posts. If you have topic of interest you think we should talk about let me know. A little dialogue among blog friends would be a healthy retreat. Guest blogger welcomed.

I will of course, when all is said and done, be writing on my wedding experience. Nothing too “girly”, just maybe some information that may be helpful to the 40+ bride and some “Aha!” moments.  So, stay tuned and keep checking back there will be more to come.

“Please excuse me I have somewhere else I would rather be.”

OK, I wouldn’t really say it like that but I have thought it many times in certain social settings. I don’t know if it is my age or my increased need to honor my self and my time but it is getting easier to walk away from being in the wrong place with the wrong people. We all have been in a room and experienced difficulty with a personality that turns what is a respectful, inclusive conversation or meaningful/fun experience into an excluding, bad taste, ego centric show.

I often find myself in that moment checking in with my reaction, trying to center and recognizing that this person is bringing up feelings in me I may need to explore.  I may need to look deeper as to how I can better handle situations like this. But not right now!

Right now, I sit politely listening to a bunch of inappropriate jokes or life/relationship analysis; a laugh that comes first from their own mouth, followed by others who either agree or feel compelled to participate. I sit there and think…Who are you? I look around to see if anyone else appears to be asking the same question or is adjusting their body language to compensate for their real feelings about this person being in their space. In my estimation, some individuals believe it is there place to liven things up but usually are not good at assessing the crowd. I always wonder what makes them think it was needing their touch, humour or antics to begin with.

It is the lack of civility, respect for all individuals and manners (especially in the company of women), that bothers me most. Some of the worst examples of human behaviour are used to signify a persons arrival in the group, propped up by a large ego and a loud mouth. (They are either really comfortable with their own behaviour or are compensating for some issues that are unbeknownst to the rest of us.)

I used to go through my life just joining in, feeling compelled to be in with the crowd but I became closer to myself over these years, formed a relationship and understanding that is working well. I became less interested in fitting in and more interested in living in my truth. There are some things that are just not funny to me or don’t interest me… and that is OK.

In assessing my own physical and psychological reactions to such people or circumstances I have learned a lot. My reactions are slowly changing; a slow process as sometimes I feel as though I may have to bite my tongue, literally. Feeling comfortable not to engage is welcomed, and then the subsequent letting go of all emotions associated with the experience or person. It is extremely liberating to realize that we all have reasons for the way we act in any given circumstance but that we also have the power to simply walk away.

Trust me when I say, I am under construction in this department, many people coming to test my foundation. How I respond is an opportunity to learn. I can do without certain people in my life, more selective I guess. I don’t know what works for the rest of you but I know where I am heading.

So, if you go down a road I’m not willing to go, “Please excuse me, I have somewhere else I would rather be.

(This post was reflecting many social settings in the past and was not fully representing any one situation or person)

Deviating a little from the norm of my posts, I am going to share something more personal with all of you; the most wonderful day. We had a blast this past weekend!

Hosted by my fiances’ sister, brother-in-law and family – friends and family alike gathered for a pre-wedding celebration enjoying great food in a beautiful backyard that was filled with all the comforts. There were so many happy faces and laughter the pictures turned out fabulous. I felt particularly happy that both Dean and I were surrounded by such fun and loving people.

It was clear that a lot of thought went into this event and everyone was made welcome. That can be tricky when some people have never met before, that melding of each others family and friends.

I knew our friends would make themselves known…with their great sense of humour, conversation and good nature. Dean and I have had a lot of good times with these people and may life allow us many more.

As I freeze framed key moments throughout the day and evening I felt so proud, especially with my dear friends whom I have grown up with. I feel alive when I am with them; these are the friends I have known through thick & thin, joy & sorrow.

They are the real deal!!

Family is important. Though it can be challenging to maintain relations with different lifestyles, personalities, life issues and much more when you come together in celebration the world gets a little smaller. On this day, my mind did not wonder. The focus remained squarely on the people that surrounded us, those that support our relationship. We don’t always get the chance to understand or to communicate how we truly feel about each other. Sometimes it is hard to know that so many hours, days or years have passed without a hug from those that have been with us from the beginning.

We grew – some noticed and some did not, we hurt and it may have been in the shadow of someone else’s pain, we laughed and shared it wholeheartedly, we conquered and they stood proud with us, we sang in the company of the best of souls, we are fortunate. With or without the eyes upon us our life is rich and full. These are the ties that bind us. On this day all that we are and all that we will be as family and friends was reflected in the moment. Uninterested in the past, hopeful for the future and present in the celebration that is love, life, family and friendship.

Cheers! – life is beautiful because you are in it. Thank you Debbie, Graham, all of you! The memories you created on this day and others will remain imprinted on our soul.

A true representation of depth and kindness is this cake. Debbie thought to have a cake that replicated our announcement, this really touched us greatly. Thanks.

Today, I want to reflect on one evening this past weekend and in an upcoming post focus on another very special day we had with family and friends. Wow, it was quite the weekend!

Lets start with the concert:

Friday was a night for heavy metal/rock fans, Heaven & Hell which includes the members of Black Sabbath and Ronnie James Dio were playing again in Vancouver.  It was a great concert to a small crowd, the location was unusual in many ways but the stage, music, talent and class of the band made it a really good evening. These are premiere musicians and given Dio’s voice and energy who says your sixties are the declining years…he will prove you wrong.

I watched the hands of the guitarists and marvel at the speed, the technical expertise and practise it must take. The drummers feet on peddles and his arms are flailing around, hitting every beat perfectly.  I guess for these guys there is not much need for practise after all of these years, but still the creativity and precision is mind blowing.

It often surprises people when they meet me that I am a metal/rock fan, not all groups catch my attention but the best of the best do. There are bands out there who are so well trained instrumentally and vocally that it is hard not to want more. Radio fails to give us the opportunity to be impressed and amazed by their talents and therefore many people remain ignorant of the contributions bands such as this one bring to the music world.

It is interesting to note that opera and classical elements play heavy in metal or should I say in the “good” metal bands. Consequently, many songs are created with the symphony in the background. I have listened to bands such as Nightwish or Opeth, that by extracting the vocals I’m sure a seasoned symphony fan would not recognized they are listening to a heavy metal group.

My mother almost eighty years old who comes from a musical family and opera vocal training, enjoys many of the bands we have exposed her too. She appreciates the singers and musicians but also enjoys greatly the dedication and excitement of the fans in the DVD’s.

So, if you are a music lover but haven’t branched out into the metal genre, I encourage you to try. There are bands worth checking out. Some of the fans at the concert may give you moments to shake your head and ponder the pitfalls of arrested development, but they know good music. Please take a moment to immerse yourself, try something new – you may be pleasantly surprised.

Nightwish

Heaven & Hell

Opeth

Opeth – Harvest

Everyday I see pamphlets, commercials and print ads reminding us about the special charities that need our help. In tough times every penny counts, so donating to not-for-profit organizations can be difficult. However, every once in a while I like to give a reminder and some ideas for giving:

When you get that extra change given back to you after a purchase at your local store, pass it along. There is usually a can, box or display that makes it easy to give. We all know someone who gained support through an organization even the smallest of donations add up over time.

Your time is precious,  precious to those that need volunteers. It is always appreciated & you get to meet great people who share a similar interest. There is the potential to learn something new, utilize existing talents and generally to feel that wonderful sense of purpose.

If you can not spare a dime or the time here is another way to give…forward a kind note or phone message letting a charity know you appreciate all that they are doing. That could lift their spirits too!

If you have a website or blog as I do, ask a charity if you could mention their site on yours. It may be welcomed and inspire others to give in what ever way they can.

There are always ways to give, even in this economy. Be creative and ask yourself “How can I contribute?” or “Who will benefit from my skills?”  Giving is highly gratifying for everyone involved. For a list of charities – - *Check online * Library notice boards * Chamber of Commerce * Community Service Centres * City Hall

As always for Canada here again is a plug for Charity Village – check it out!

Charity Village

Hey! Get inspired by this solo performance by Roger Hodgson from Supertramp

Give A Little Bit