Archive for September, 2009

“We could not have picked a better day” Sally Owen, told me long before September 19th exactly how our day would be and she was correct.

Overnight I awoke to the sound of rain, but I was completely comfortable with whatever the weather had in store. It was going to be a special day filled with all the elements of who we are as a couple and the intention to share our commitment with our friends and family. From that stand point the sun was already shining.

The perfect day unfolded, warm and sunny in late September. The last minute stress that accompanies all the decision making slowly melted away, thanks in major part to my fabulous and dear friend Helen, the Maid of Honor. (or as I would prefer to call her, the Woman of Honor)  Her superhuman patience made things so much more easier and she was prepared. She even brought slippers for later in the evening that were appropriate – kitty cats for her, puppy dogs for me. That’s so Helen

After arriving at the restaurant – a beautiful converted house overlooking the ocean -  I was informed by my Mum how handsome Dean looked, that warmed my heart and I couldn’t wait to see him. The ceremony was about to begin. First, was the honoring of my friends, Mum, sisters and niece.  I wanted people to know these special women, through the power of a song “Thank you for being a Friend” by Andrew Gold. It was a happy surprise for each person that was both touching and enjoyable. Each friend was carrying flowers which would be added to my bouquet as I made my way to Dean.

Then my song began, Helen walked up the stairs and into the venue, her dress was perfect, she was beautiful! The song: Tina Turner “Let’s Stay Together”. I waited for the point in which for me to enter and then saw a sea of faces, I danced my way to each of my friends, gathering the flowers, hugs and kisses. They grooved to the music and it was magical. My sisters and niece awaiting at the end, a good little dance together and my Mum tied off the flowers. I turned to see Dean.

Mum was right, he was so handsome! His suit magnificent but it was his face, his eyes, all these people around but all the love that poured from him made everything disappear momentarily. There we stood and all of what had transpired up to and at the moment set the tone for the rest of our day.

No amount of planning ever will give you those moments, they are without a doubt pure and a gift. From the beautiful sky, the whale that appeared in the waters, a rain cloud that in the distance provided the most perfect backdrop for pictures, the laughter, dancing, music and weaving together of our guests to become one family for a day. And so it was.

Dean and I shared a day/evening with people that will never happen again. You can not recreate the magic. It was a perfect way to celebrate our relationship. We have been together for many years; no ring or church/venue would have made that stronger, what made us come fully into this day was commitment, respect, learning and growing. There is no perfect relationship, nor maybe a perfect wedding day, but the universe worked its magic to get it as close as it could, I felt content.

Music was a huge part of this event. Besides incorporating the bands we love like Heart, Nightwish, Opeth and Iron Maiden here is two of the songs I mentioned earlier in the post. Sorry, no pictures at this point – will revisit in the near future.

Thank you for being a friend

Let’s Stay Together

Today was a day where I was reminded of the beautiful people who have entered my life. There are many people that pass through, some stay close to the heart and others grace us with their presence once in awhile.

There are also people who serve us well and I would like to acknowledge three women who by virtue of their goodness and a love of their work are examples of special personal service.

Leanne provided me with a relaxing facial, a luxury I do not allow very often but as always her kindness, gentle voice, interesting conversation and genuine love of what she does makes me come away with her light radiating around me.

Candice who works to keep my muscles from cutting off breathing and blood flow; allowing me time to enjoy movement that feels natural. I always joke that after I leave her office I’m awake with more flow to the brain, just a little bit smarter. I love my body more every time and I appreciate her humour and expertise.

Darlene, who owns a store in town which I will feature on my site soon, offered to help me find a wrap for a dress. When I couldn’t find what I needed she let me borrow hers. She too, has a personality that when you walk out of her store, you feel like a smile and good energy came with the purchase.

I came home to the knowledge that people that mean the most to me are still out there, but those whom I only see once in awhile for services are equally special.

Life is good – with such people in it. Today, I didn’t sweat the small stuff, instead I bathed in the goodness, memory and beauty of others.

I thank you.

Curiosity killed the cat – guilt alone is seldom enough.

Curiosity killed the Cat was a proverb that seemed somewhat appropriate for this story. At the end of August 2009, a man named Jack Crone plead guilty to one count of child pornography. A prominent business man, husband and father of seven found his addiction to child porn more valuable than all he had been blessed with in his life. What started as curiosity (by his own admission) became an all consuming fixation, resulting in over a thousand images being downloaded to his home and office computer.

I have mulled over this story and up till now remained silent. It was not enough to rehash the incredible disgust I felt for his actions, that was a given. I held no sympathy for “his” situation and knowing that he will never get a sentence that matches what I would do to him if I had the power, was hardly comforting. He pleaded for forgiveness for his “curiosity” but all I could think of was how many children he watched that pleaded for their lives and how those children will grow up to be the broken souls of tomorrow. The souls many more will most likely exploit.

I couldn’t help but think further about the roles of secrecy and guilt. He has lost his job, wife and his children for the most part are not speaking to him. In all the years these people lived (or worked) with him, nobody saw his home or office computer. While his wife was going about her day, his children around his home, his employees working diligently, he was downloading porn. What a shock! Not really.

Did his wife walk in the room and watch him click off immediately? Was his office nicely tucked away from the peering eyes of colleagues? How well did he hide this from his closest friend(s) or did he?

We do know that nobody was watching this guy from the inside but thankfully someone was watching from the outside. (A job I would not want, ever.)

Then there is the issue of guilt. The brief moments of guilt he may have felt were not enough, nor was the guilt real. It did not make him change his behaviour, but he probably felt somewhat better about himself. Ultimately, he did not move toward responsibility, he repeated the same act over and over again. In his mind there was some justification for continuing, “it was victimless” …he wasn’t hurting anybody, nobody knew. Isn’t that the way personal responsibility gets cast aside, through false justification?

Maybe, just maybe, too much privacy breeds opportunity for those that have deceptive natures. In a truly open and loving relationship, with fully trust worthy individuals, would there be a need for passwords, alternate email accounts, hidden files or truths? Could he have gotten away with his act if his notebook was open?

Of course not, that fact is we have become a society that relishes the idea that tucked in this techno box we can hide away all of our secrets. One click away from our curiosities or conversations rendering us senseless. Many people ask for transparency and believe they stand on the foundation of trust but how many are really on solid footing? His wife thought she knew him, his children thought they knew their father, but how secure do they feel now?

My questions are many, I know. To move away from his despicable act, plea and sentencing, so as to explore the areas of the false guilt and secrecy. Neither are healthy to self or others. Through good teachings I learned real guilt will stop you in your tracks, have you accept responsibility and make amends. False guilt and secrecy throws a veil over everything, it can cast a wide hurt-filled net with only yourself to blame.

Crone Heading to Jail