Archive for December, 2009

A year in review is not something that takes a lot of effort. First, look way back to January 1st, with goals or resolutions ready for launch. Then blink and “Voila!” – you are now at the end of the year.

I swear, as I get older that is exactly how it is. One minute we are in plan mode, the world is our oyster, the ideas are flowing, we are in control and we have 365 days to get it all done. Somehow, that 365 days folded inward and became 182.5 and that’s being generous. In actuality it probably folded so much it looked like origami.

I’ve decided this year I’m going to be a little sneakier, I will make 2010 think I’m ready for the journey but instead I’m going to sprint. Peddle to the metal, baby…it won’t know what streaked by and it will have no time to close ranks around me.

Trying something new, no problem! Write more, you bet! Travel to new lands, I’m on it! Laugh a lot, Hell ya! Make business more pleasurable and pleasure more notable, I’m on fire! Work out more…sure…reduce chocolate consumption…..maybe…do more gardening……Ahhh, OK… learn to cook more recipes…….whatever.

I’m already feeling sluggish and I haven’t started the first day of the New Year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!

A reoccurring theme in my writings whether career or personal is my hatred for labels especially those that are damaging. Whether on this blog or in my essays I have long since made it clear that when you label me, you are limiting me and creating a barrier of understanding. Sure, I can have opinions that can be easily tagged but that says more about the needs of the reader or listener than my own experience.

Why am I exploring this issue? Well, there are days when I have felt exposed to criticism that is unfounded and pigeon holed for convenience.  Simply put, I feel a need to wipe clean any labels attached to me that are serving the agenda of someone else who wishes to define who I am or why I think the way I do.

As a person who happens to have Fibromyalgia, it is easy for anyone to put any discomfort I may be experiencing directly to my condition. Whether warranted or not, many times when seeking medical assistance I  have opted out of revealing my condition because of bias and judgements that can lead to misdiagnosis. That is dangerous and practitioners would be wise to not “label” everything as a symptom of Fibromyalgia. In fact, I manage my condition well without the aid of conventional medicine and can fully discern the differences in my body.

Though openly regarded as “a feminist” it is a disconcerting habit of people (mainly men) to attach the stereotypical labels to just about anything I talk about, do or not do. As if I am incapable of having strong opinion or feeling without it being attached to the feminist majority, “My God, could it just be that I think, as Jennifer!” Not everything that passes through my mind or mouth has a feminist slant to it but here comes the label anyway. Mostly it is attached when the aim is for me to respect or accept something I can’t. I may not accept something in my life or society for a myriad of other reasons but “feminism” is as good a reason as any to negate my position rather than open ones mind to the possibilities.

When I was in grade school I was labeled an “average student”, below average if you check out my math scores. It was not easy for me, school never was a place where I felt comfortable. My learning styles are visual and auditory, show me how to do it or talk to me and I will get it, plop that book in front of me and I will be there awhile. The label of being less than average made for some difficult decisions when exploring further education as an adult. Despite the label I managed to move beyond it and did extremely well as an adult learner in college/university. My average is high and I am proud of it!

It is by no accident that I cringe when, as I have mentioned before, a student, client, friend or family member is assigned a label I know will cause a barrier where one should not exist. My disdain causes me to work even harder to break the cycle a psychological limitation. It is in our nature to want to make sense of something and in this day in age we are given plenty to research once the label has been summarily assigned. Hence, why there are so many people out there sharing before they even start an activity all the reasons why they won’t succeed.

I’m about to be 45 years of age, another detail about me that now hits the masses. For my 45th year I would like all labels to be dropped, I am no longer wishing to be defined by any of the above or anything else in the future. I have earned the right to think what I think, feel what I feel and do what I do without the convenience of attaching labels. I hereby state that if you choose to assign a label to me I will no longer honor it, nor respond to it, it is irrelevant.

My name is Jennifer. My professional titles are career and self esteem coach, workshop facilitator, writer and blogger. My personal titles are friend, daughter, sister, wife, cousin and aunt. Everything else means nothing to me.

Over Christmas the story about Scrooge emerges, this lonely soul wondering through his world without enjoyment, meaningful friendship or companionship. There are people who at this time of year find it particularly hard; depression and loneliness can be at its peak. Interestingly, stats show that as a society depression is growing and loneliness, though subjective, is sharing the stage.

How is it that in an age when people have the ability to do anything and communicate with each other twenty-four seven through technology, they still feel alone? Young people especially have been diagnosed with varying degrees of depression, anxiety and loneliness and yet we are the generations who have the most at our disposal.

In our backyard we are not running for the bomb shelter daily, as my mother had to do as a child. Our food is not rationed and most illness that would have wiped out children or adults generations ago is preventable,
manageable or treatable. We have (despite current financial circumstances) enjoyed a relatively disposable income and want for little. Education is available, we are not forced into unwanted working conditions and exploring career options is encouraged. Our entertainment choices are abundant and travel (though more safety orientated) is still an option.

So, we come to this place in which I must ask some questions:

Read the rest of this entry »

A brief post to remind readers about organ donation.

After watching BCTV Global news tonight we were introduced to a young woman Eva, who has Cystic Fibrosis and is currently awaiting an organ donation. She was inspiring, bright in spirit, supported by family, beautiful as she shared her story and breathing at a 15% lung capacity.

It is hard to see people suffer needlessly, especially since we could give the gift of life when it is our time to leave this earth. Nothing is more precious than life itself but tragically, as Eva well noted, a gain for her of a donation is a loss for someone else.  However, beyond the deep grief we experience at the death of a loved one there is opportunity for us/them to live on.  No loss when our lungs inhale and exhale for another, no loss when our heart beats as strongly, no loss when through a corneal transplant someone sees the world in all its magnificence yet again.

I ask you to consider finding out how you can become an organ donor and let your family know of your wishes. A life is saved, that is the greatest gift you could ever give.

BC Transplant

Organ Donations

65 Red Roses Eva Journal

More than enough stuff.

As I looked around my office I noted how many books I acquired over the years that never had a page turned by my finger. I opened my jewelry box to find many costume pieces that have not graced my ears, neck, or wrists in years. The other day, after feeling quite deflated, I engaged in more retail therapy. I came away with an outfit which in the end I knew would take its place in already full closet.

In reaching for Cd’s yesterday, I realized the Cd’s are plentiful but only a few are enjoyed consistently as my lifestyle changed and I know longer spend evenings with the tunes on and the TV off. A few DVDs align my shelf that have never been seen, apparently they were must haves but there they sit. The freezer is overflowing after a trip to Costco. Eventually most of the food will be eaten but some of it will end up in the garbage, a final resting place for the freezer burned.

My Christmas decorations were in several boxes but many items never get used. Tastes have changed, homes are different, creating a feeling in festive times can be daunting. I get bogged down in the details and eventually I put most of it back, thinking next year I will find a way to use it. I rarely do. Our garage holds stuff, stuff that moves around. We try to organize but invariably someone goes in and decides the stuff is in the way as they reach for something else. Once used, an item is rarely returned to its designated place, “we’ll just stuff it there for now, deal with it later.” It gathers dust until the next expedition happens to unearth items.

This Christmas, like all Christmas’s, I find little joy in the commercialization and process of acquiring more stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I’m appreciative of gift giving but I believe in being realistic, genuine and above all else assess need. More stuff for the sake of buying is meaningless to the giver and receiver.

I will share with you in all honesty, in the latter stages of childhood I remember the thrill of receiving “the stuff” on my list but after the novelty wore off I remember thinking about what I really wanted. What I wanted from people in my life was not something they could buy, it was not something that filled my room or a box, what I needed was to feel safe, respected and heard. No matter how much was put in my pillow case at the foot of my bed (an English tradition) or under the tree, my wishes remained floating about waiting to be granted.

To my amazement all these years later I still reflect on life, Christmas and the receipt of stuff this way. I believe we tell people all year what our heart wants, I believe we do our best as an adult to create love and respect for our own being. The reality is we have more than enough stuff; monetarily it shows but spiritually it is hard to quantify as it lacks true meaning. This is never more put to the test than in the face of disaster, illness or death, it is not what we bought that is first in foremost in our minds.

So, in the quietest of moments, as you lay awake in bed, can you say “Today I received what I wished for, my life is enriched and it didn’t cost a dime.”

(I am adding this song, sent by Pat…see comment below)

All I Really Want for Christmas

As many of my readers know I have continued to feature Women of Influence, this month is no exception. I have compiled a short biography on Mrs. Claus and introduced you to a woman, Katharine Lee Bates who is credited with bringing this “character ” to life through a poem entitled Goody Santa Claus on a sleigh ride.

As many of you can attest, we have seen her! She does exist and we still believe she lives happily with Santa Claus in the North Pole.

Feel free to check out both Katharine Lee Bates and Mrs. Claus on my Women of Influence page.

Oprah interviews President Obama and his wife Michelle for a Christmas special on ABC.

Previously, you would have never caught me sitting down of an evening to care about Christmas at the White House. For eight years I tried to close my eyes and ears to anything remotely related to a certain President who shall remain nameless. Unfortunately, that was futile, he had a knack for infiltrating our news and lives despite our best intentions to filter him out.

60 Minutes also aired an interview with President Obama this weekend, though there were glaring differences in the style of our interviewers. In both situations Obama spoke succinctly, eloquently and was strong in his approach to different topics. Topics that he has to answer time and time again, which I would find annoying, hence why being a politician should not be on my potential career list. He is the most real person I have seen in office and I don’t envy his position right now. As a person who plainly reflects on the gravity of his decision making, there is no doubt that his intelligence and compassion is balanced with the resolve to do the right thing.

Sending more troops to Afghanistan is one of those “right things” though you could tell that weighs heavy on the minds of both the President and citizens. War is not something I agree with but it is difficult for some Governments to reconcile with the change necessary for a better country, respect their world neighbours or relinquish their strangle hold on their citizens. Our Canadian soldiers and other allies who have been in Afghanistan since 2002 would most likely welcome more troops. We (Canada) have paid mightily with the largest number of fatal casualties for a Canadian mission since the Korean War. Mourning the loss of 133 soldiers to date, Canada has the largest per capita death rate among the foreign armies in Afghanistan. Since 2006 alone over 360 soldiers have been wounded. We can well understand hesitancy to continue but support is what we do and further collaboration with the US is needed. (Please take a moment at the end of this post to see the faces and names of our Canadian Soldiers killed in action)

Health care, another topic the President navigates through. Very complicated to reform, and I am by no means an expert,  but from a human standpoint I fail to understand why anyone would not want health care for all of their family, friends, neighbours and country men/women. Bad timing to broach the topic in the middle of a financial crisis perhaps, but when was a good time? Even in good times it appeared it was struck off the “must have” list. If people are healthy they don’t use the social safety nets as much, they can work, educate themselves and otherwise be productive in the building of the state or country. If people can lose their life savings, home or plunge into debt in order to treat an illness or recover from an accident, how is that helping the economy? Infant mortality should be a cause for better care as the US ranks near the bottom in infant survival. Access to health care is important, we don’t have a perfect system here in Canada but I have never had to think twice before going to my doctor, clinic or hospital, I just walk in.

When asked by Oprah what grade he would give himself for this year, President Obama said “a B+.” I’m sure he was aware that his critics would give him less and he acknowledges that people are entitled to feel the way they do as many are suffering with job loss, financial difficulties and are unable to send their children to college. I get that, people have a right to hurt and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, survival is a daily mission. I am far less empathetic with some of the critics; those that are doing just fine with their jobs, finances, healthcare and other perks still intact. I say, stop whining and trying to sabotage forward momentum! This President inherited a mess! He hasn’t been a full year in office and already people are expecting miracles. Get a grip!

You try and turn over a company in mere months that has fallen into the depths of near ruin. It takes a long time to assess the priorities, whatever you thought was the problem quickly mounts into a whole lot more. With a mission in mind you often must fire those that aren’t in line with the goals, others leave because they are unable to handle change and transitions and the focus is in hiring the right people who see the vision. You are consulting with others who bring unique perspectives and testing the market to see the validity of the ideas coming forth. There is spending in order to re-brand and resell to consumers an improved version of the old business. This takes longer than months or even years. Now,imagine having to walk in to the Presidents office with all the bright ideas flowing and multiple problems to sift through. It is a massive company, beyond all others and it needs an overhaul in key areas.

In watching President Obama and his wife Michelle, I was still hopeful. Hopeful that their citizens can stay strong, to believe and assist in the restructuring that is needed individually as well as collectively. Observing the First Lady is always a pleasure as she is poised, authentic, articulate, intelligent and witty.Watching the two of them, I was delighted that their marriage remains rooted in the great love and respect that carried them this far. How they support each other and their family is what will aid in his ability to carry on in the face of uncertainty.

I could have wrote about anyone or anything today. In fact upon sitting here I didn’t know what might rise from thought to type, but for some reason acknowledging a man and woman of influence seemed appropriate and saying “Yes, you can.” Here’s to 2010! May we see our way to a greater understanding of our world, accept our role in making it better, move quicker on the path to peace and respect all people and creatures that share this fragile but beautiful planet.

Canadian Soldiers Remembered

Another week to raise awareness about UNIFEM’s Say No – Unite End Violence Against Women.

As many readers may know I have agreed to use my site as a vehicle to spread the message about this campaign. I encourage you all to contribute by adding your name along with 5 million others to let  Governments know we want change…support initiatives that help to end violence against women.

Sign your name – take action

Changing the life of one woman who has experienced violence, or who lives with the threat of violence, is so important. A woman who can be educated, walk and talk freely, work or start a business can provide not only for herself but contributes to her family, community and indeed elevates her country. Listen to the efforts made by the Ngara Girls High School, supported by UNIFEM, it empowers girls in an unique way. Their voices are strong, beautiful examples how positive a school can be in preparing the next generation beyond reading, writing and math.

target="_blank">Ngara Girls High School

These young women already know what it is like to grow up with violence, not random but targeted. Women around this world understand abuse, exploitation, captivity, slavery, segregation, rape and mutilation. This is not a women’s issue. In actuality it is men’s issues, a human issue, so it is ever more important to involve not only girls and young women in the process of change in thinking, but also boys and young men. I encourage all mothers out there to keep that in mind and equally encourage all men to think deeply about the messages they have received about women and how that affects their own relationships and society. Here is Nicole Kidman speaking on what she tells her own children about violence against women.

target="_blank">Nicole Kidman on what she tells her children about VAW

Please do your part to change long standing views and policies; make individuals and Governments accountable. Violence against women may never be eradicated. There will always be those that are so weak they can only choose violence as a means to feel the power they lack, as false of a power that may be. However, being a part of the movement to end it, is far better than hoping someone else will stand up for the rights and dignity that we would wish for ourselves and our own children. Violence against women is impacting you whether you see it or not and we are paying for it, I can assure you.

Again take a look at this campaign and do what you can, even if it is to talk to your children about the great work that is being done to help. Thank you.

target="_blank">Nicole Kidman – how can you get involved?

Recently,the saying “the more things change, the more they stay the same” was very apropos. Years can pass by but still in more ways than one, nothing has really changed. It is evident in long standing institutions and in people.

The same attitudes and beliefs that hold an individual back resurface exactly as they have time and time again. Expecting different results but using the exact thinking and speech that has kept them at arms length from so many aspects of life, love and learning. If they go to the right people for support they will be shown the path toward healthy change or better perspective. If they go to the wrong people, all they find is people of like mind who are accustom to the dumping ground for all their own frustration and confusion. Anyone who enjoys the thought of always being right goes there, easier to be around the already converted.

I see this from time to time in myself, friends, family and clients; the struggle for self fulfillment, forward movement and understanding while caught in old thinking. I go to those that have the ability to fully support me, I always get gems of wisdom to work with. When I am with clients I seek to provide the same compassion and genuine support for them. We are much more open to change when treated respectfully.

Institutions can fall squarely in the realm of more things changing but still staying the same. Continuing to talk about ideas and necessary outcomes while employing the same logic that has been messing up the system from the beginning. Small gains by the front line workers are over-shadowed by bureaucratic nonsense. It is no wonder we get frustrated on so many levels when you can see the wheels aren’t moving as fast as they should.

So, where am I going with this deep reflection…no where. Everything is exactly as it is, through your eyes or mine we will see change and interpret it very differently. It only becomes frustrating when you think you have forward progress in personal, world or business situations only to find they still live exactly as they did before. How utterly disappointing!