Archive for April, 2010

For those that have followed my blog you are aware of Eva Markvoort, a courageous, beautifully talented, artistic angel; a blogger extraordinaire and life teacher. Her life was cut short due to cystic fibrosis and with great sadness we were forced to say goodbye.

There are so many struggles in life but some people like Eva manage to live life with such purpose despite the challenges she faced. Eva appreciated her world and the love surrounded her; so much depth found in one striking young woman. Often in reading her blog 65 Red Roses I would marvel at how a person adapting daily to her health issues still managed to stay so positive and fun. She was so much of what many of us aspire to be.

I keep checking into her blog just so that I can feel connected to this woman I never met. Her name floats into my thoughts and I’m compelled to find her. It is fortunate that at this time her blog has posts written by her Dad, it was there I received this notice.

Friday April 30th at 16:00 hours there will be a Celebration of Love for Eva. It is being held at the Massey Theatre in New Westminster BC but thankfully will be streamed for the online community who followed her journey in full or in part.

What loving gifts this family has brought to us; first in bringing to life this bright child who became a great woman and now to share this celebration of love. I don’t know this family but I do know that they are special people and I’m truly thankful they are in our world.

Oh, Eva…you are going to enjoy this Friday. Though I can’t be there personally I will tune in to see your name in lights, the camera on you, your life, your stage before us all. Feel the love, it will come to you in a magnificent wave, collective thoughts and love will envelope you. It is paid forward still, in gratitude for all you did for us.

(If anyone reads this post that attended or witnessed the live celebration of love, please share your experience; I would love to know how it touched you personally)

We just got back from a very brief holiday in Arizona. The weather was great, the company better but the hotel failed to impress. Traveling with dear friends we were fortunate to get a deal on our rooms at the Westin Kierland Resort and Spa, maybe we got what we paid for and no more. Of course, this is only my humble opinion and in no way speaks for others who enjoy their time at this hotel, but I think it is highly over rated.

Room: We were treated our first day to an extended wait on our room – hotels often are not speedy on getting you in but are sure efficient when trying to get you out. On our last day we were (for the first time) awakened by the maid service knocking our door just after 8am instead of their usual appearance mid to late afternoon. Later that morning someone returned again, this time I could not respond as I was in the washroom and my robe wearing, hard of hearing husband didn’t hear the knocking at the door. Who is about to walk in again? Housekeeping staff hell bent on either cleaning the room or checking the fridge. Fridge patrol is something they do meticulously; we never touched an item in that overpriced ice box. My husband took care of the unwelcome entry by stating “we have the room till noon, don’t disturb us again.” (or something like that)

We had a back up in our shower and the sink managed to cough up what may have been the stubble of a very dark hairy man. Neither of us could be entirely sure and I wasn’t getting any closer to find out.

The balcony door was not very sound proof, it didn’t help that we were five floors above the entrance of the building with all the comings and goings. Though, one day the noise wasn’t their fault. I spent part of the night/morning hearing the distinct muffled sounds of people talking, really irritating when you are trying to sleep! It wasn’t till I got out of bed I discovered that someone had set the alarm and it was on ever so quietly, the annoying talkers were radio hosts. New rule: Check alarms and radio upon settling into suite.

Food: Well, let me say that apparently vegetables are rare in those parts. People seem to be content with bread, meat, potato cakes and slivered stuff…oh and endless amounts of cheese! What’s with all the cheese!! I ate Waldorf Salad twice (which I have never ordered) just so I could provide my bowels with some relief, something leafy, green, digestible. Every once in a while I sat and watch the little rabbits mowing the lawn and felt a twinge of envy.

The children’s menu had more food I could recognize and appreciate. Our friends had their little girl with us but it wouldn’t have been prudent to start asking for bites of her meal or tell her to order two of the same plates. Though, God knows I considered it. I love fine dining, just thinking of a well cooked and served meal sends me off in a pleasurable dream but it was nowhere to be found. There was a mistake with every meal and frankly I was afraid, very afraid to order, I was hearing pleas from my body to “Stop the  madness!”

Service: One word, Forced. Though on occasion there were authentic service orientated individuals, the rest were as fake as some of the bodies that strutted around the lobby and poolside.

Environment: One bright spot, was the lazy river that runs around next to the pool. You can float along in a tube with drink or no drink in hand to the sound of music, man-made waterfalls and beautiful landscape. In the middle is a small water slide which I took advantage of, having never the opportunity in my youth. Great fun! Highly recommend it! Reminder:  check bathing suit before being spit out into the pool.

All in all it was nice little jaunt away. The feeling of warmth on the skin to chase the winter and spring cool temperatures away, awesome friends to spend time with and memories created that can never be stolen. However, being home is good too. We are so fortunate to live where we live, have the sweet home we do, the best restaurants in the world and access to food that keeps us healthy and happy.

Now, if I could get fresh towels and sheets daily, a lazy river running through my yard adjacent to a pool where a waiter brings my drinks then I may never have to leave home again.

Today I gave my credit card a workout. It was not frivolous spending but still when that card swipes I feel this little twinge of guilt. It is not that I keep a balance on my card or that I have a shopping addiction that needs to be kept in check, it’s just this sense that I will miss the money.

It’s weird, I just don’t get joy out of the experience, I feel like I’m taking from my nest. At this time in my life I’m feeling a little more protective over certain things in my life in particular my home and finances. This nesting is a new side of myself that has emerged; wanting to obtain some security and maybe a touch afraid it could be taken away. Nothing too deep, nothing causing major discomfort just a quiet consciousness.

On one hand I want to simplify my surroundings, there are things around that are just not needed. They sit on shelves and I don’t know if I will ever use them. Clothes, I frequently donate or consign as they become items I won’t wear. I strangely like the look of an empty fridge, so much gets wasted, so when it gets down to the minimum I think “great!”  It’s not realistic to have an empty fridge but it just makes me feel as if I’m not over-buying. I’m not an Internet shopper, or catalogue page flipper, I don’t even scan the myriad of flyers that are sandwiched between the pages of our local paper. I’ve lost the drive to buy.

The fact that I’m sensitive to my spending is probably a good thing, but I can’t get over the transformation that has taken place. Eventually I’m sure that card will come out again to be used for an item or items I truly appreciate, but today the workout yielded little pleasure.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them; a quote by Maya Angelou.

It is not just seeds of wisdom that burst forth from this statement but a fully bloomed flower to behold. Quotes are so interesting to explore, I love them. They can sometimes be interpreted many ways but this, to me, seems to have a powerful and clear message.

If my memory serves me correct she linked this quote to a relationship she had with a man, a negative experience turned into a powerful piece of learning.  You can see how this could be translated, as in relationships people really do show us early on who they are, but do we believe it?

With positive circumstances and respectful behaviours we accept the person at face value, feeling content that what we are seeing is a true representation of their personality. Nothing to worry about, right? You have established this person is deserving of trust, honor is apparent in that each has listened to the needs of the other, some things are just non negotiable and therefore accepted as a necessary demonstration of respect. All of this is reinforced in the way they conduct themselves and based on mutually agreed upon values.

In the presence of negative relationship circumstances and dis-respectful behaviours we can come to learn something all together different. This person may not be deserving of the trust given, had not listened to the needs of the other, does not respect their partners values.  For many people instead of believing that this is a sign of things to come they cling to a hope for change. Somehow by some persuasion, epiphany, pleading, wishful thinking, counsel or hard work this person will learn to respect them and do the “right” thing.

It has been my experience that Maya’s reflection holds true. Within the context of my personal relationships I have seen many examples of this.. positive and negative. It is the negative however that stands out; it is in those experiences or partnerships that someone has stepped too close to the heart. We must believe what is their truth. We are highly sensitive creatures so through words or actions, based on intuition or facts we are capable of seeing someone for who they are. The next step is to have the guts to decide is this something I can live with and at what cost.

The inspiration for this came in part from reflecting on my own life experiences and from reading a blog post in which a woman sought clarification on whether someone (a man) could love her but still disrespect her. It was clear to readers that he had showed her who he was; she just couldn’t believe him. Hopefully she will come to a greater understanding of self and love, hopefully we all will.

Just a quick post here to highlight a couple of new additions to my blogroll. One of the great things about being a blog that covers a myriad of topics, is that I can find a lot of interesting people to get to know and share their unique life with readers.

Today, is no exception.

For FOOD LOVERS everywhere please meet Jennifer Chandler (not me), this great cook and writer happens to just share an equally great name. Check out Jennifer’s blog and website at Cook with Jennifer. She has such a great philosophy about food and cooking; especially as it pertains to healthy, affordable, easy home-cooked meals. Check out the recipes and see what you think. I will be featuring more about Jennifer and her new book Simply Salads in an upcoming article in TimeFinders Online Magazine.

For MUSIC LOVERS I have a link to Stoned Moses an up and coming band that I think takes the music scene up a few notches. These are young guys who use their talent and creativity to produce such an interesting array of songs, there’s something for everyone. There is such a great mix of styles and influences and no doubt if they continue following their dream we may be in for a treat. Check out their site and see what you think.

I like supporting new bands as we all know radio has become too corporate and canned to fully appreciate the need  to be exposed to new “real”, non-manufactured talent.

I love supporting women who are following their passion and through their work they positively influence the life of others.

So today, I’m introducing you to more interesting people, scroll down the blogroll to acquaint yourself with their sites. Enjoy!

April 14th, 2010 marks the day many Canadians will wear pink to bring awareness to the issue of bullying. As we know bullying has been around for a very, very, long time but the intensity to which people are bullied, frequency and methods have grown considerably. Though the likelihood that the bullying takes place on or near a school remains, the abuse can be spread worldwide.

Cyber bullying took the torment to a whole other level. Emails, texting, Facebook, Twitter, posting pictures and broadcasting video on YouTube  is not uncommon. All of this amps up the violation, harassment and humiliation an individual can experience with sometimes tragic results. You’ve heard the news stories of young people who commit suicide due to bullying a tragic loss for the family, their community and society at large.

The response to the issue of bullying depends on who you speak to; gender, personal experience and age can have an affect on the perception of how big the treat is. I have found people who say “kids need to get a tougher skin, name calling shouldn’t bother them.” Others felt “the schools and law makers need to take a tough stance on anyone caught bullying.” Still some felt it was “essential to teach your child or teen how to defend her/himself.”  It is a complex issue with emotional attachments.

I have been listening to Christy Clark at CKNW, who is a tireless promoter of the Pink Shirt Day. On her show she provides interesting stats/stories and guests, so listeners are more informed on the topic. There is also heart wrenching calls from the public who either personally have been victims of or whose children have experienced bullying. One such show I listened to, a mother describe nearly losing her child through suicide and subsequently tried to do all that she could to help her child feel safe and heal. I was deeply moved. It’s that helplessness that is so overwhelming and one can relate.

So, it got me to thinking back to my youth. The terrible days I experienced at the hands of few seasoned bullies and my fear of even walking to school. The vividness of some events is both sad and intriguing to me. It appears that no matter how far into the future we go and all the success one might have we can still carry the memory of being bullied. I even dream about the area where most of the bullying took place; except in my dreams I am flying over the pathway instead of walking through it. That heart thumping feeling was there but so to was triumph as I was now unreachable, free from their grasp. Try as the may, they could not get me, I rose above.

Another result of listening to Christy’s show was that I realized that it may have been what influenced my professional choices. If one can survive the experience of bullying it may just be what guides them later in life to succeed. I’m by no means implying that good things always come from bullying, I’m just exploring how it impacts a life, long after the events. Unfortunately, when you are a child in the middle of such persecution your thoughts are in the moment and your future is being threatened. It is about survival and constant coursing of fight and flight running through your veins.

It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but as one caller on Christy’s show talked about his own experience with success after the fact, he tried to give helpful advice I will attempt to paraphrase. One day school ends and all those people drop away from your life and for the most part the individuals with so much anger, “the bullies”, end up living a life you would not want. Incarcerated, in and out of courts, unable to hold jobs, broken marriages, addiction and poor health.

We can only hope that some bullies may go on to fix their problems and a lead a healthy life, regretting their behavior of the past. I guess I can offer hope; living proof life goes on and gets so much better.

However, for anyone who is experiencing it right now here’s more advice:

* Tell someone you trust an adult and don’t be afraid to be honest about the extent to which you are being bullied. Even if what they are doing includes something that you would feel uncomfortable about sharing with your parents or an adult, tell anyway. Those that love you will focus on helping.

*Try to avoid the places where you are most vulnerable, keep your friends close and if at all possible find alternative routes or places in which to hang out.

* Don’t verbally or physically fight back, it may make things worse. Even in the case of emails and other cyber bullying do not engage in the talk, report it.

* Try to find the people and things that help build your confidence. How you walk and talk can speak volumes and may help to discourage someone from making you a target.

* Be OK, with teachers knowing what is going on… either you or your parents should make them aware.

* Know that no matter what advice we all have ultimately you will need to make some decisions, the one that is most important is to speak up to those that can truly help! Don’t make this your own burden. Keep talking until you find someone who takes what you are experiencing seriously and know you are not alone, though I know it feels that way. We are all living proof that there is light at the end and life can rise up to greet you, all that you are and all that you think is valued.

The world awaits you, so hold on!

Pink Shirt Day

Bullying Statistics

If you want more information on bullying there are numerous resources available through local community associations, Internet, schools and libraries. Stand up against bullying.

Heading into the Easter weekend surrounded by chocolate bunnies and eggs. I can’t believe I chose this week to take on the self challenge of not eating chocolate!

Today I passed a home ready for an Easter egg hunt; my eyes drifted, the car drifted, my mind drifted to those chocolate little eggs that will be hidden all over. My mind drifted further to the thought of possibly getting out the black pants, jacket and toque later for a midnight raid.  Then common sense kicked in and I realized this would be a daytime event and I couldn’t tackle little children for one chocolate egg.

Even at the office I was not spared from temptation. It was mentioned that a client had brought a cake in to eat, I was offered a piece. When I asked, “What kind of cake?” I heard, “German Chocolate.” Of course it is, what else would it be. I’m sure somebody, somewhere, who is in charge of temptation had a big howl over that one!

Watched the local news tonight, story of interest. A piece of dark chocolate a day has been proven to be very beneficial. Good for the heart. Yup, there it was the reasons to eat it, the nice pictures of chocolate and yet another mention of THE WORD!

I have a weekend dinner to attend on Sunday with any luck at all I will not be in arms reach of anything sweet and brown. This is a test and I think it is important to do that from time to time. Just keeping myself in check and seeing if willpower is still in my vocabulary or not. No tackling children for candy, no smear marks of chocolate across my face looking innocently at my husband in the kitchen at midnight. I’m on track but if I think about it anymore than I am right now, when this is over I my bathe in the stuff.

Human Trafficking is a global problem; a problem with many victims that are not easily tracked. High profits, low prosecution and difficulty with inter-agency cooperation is part of what keeps this modern day slavery alive.

The definition underwent an overhaul, as noted by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime it now reads as, “the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring or receipt of persons, by means of the threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability or of the giving or receiving of payments or benefits to achieve the consent of a person having control over another person, for the purpose of exploitation. Exploitation shall include, at a minimum, the exploitation of the prostitution of others or other forms of sexual exploitation, forced labour or services, slavery or practices similar to slavery, servitude or the removal of organs.”

A large percentage of men are trafficked annually for labour, women and children are trafficked most often for sex. In my first article A Sparkle of Hope published in TimeFinders Magazine it was my pleasure to highlight the efforts of Major Winn Blackman and the Salvation Army who have made it their mission to assist in public awareness and help victims of human sex trafficking.

It was from that initial conversation with Major Blackman that I began my further investigation into the subject of human sex trafficking and the organizations that are trying to help. Though the transport of people for labour is very disturbing to me and without a doubt it should continue to receive the  full attention of law enforcement and immigration, sex trafficking of women and children really hits a nerve. In the process of gathering further data it amazes me that something so incredibly abhorrent manages to continue business fairly unscathed. However, there is hope. Through the efforts of many organizations that circle the globe this industry can’t stay fully operating in the shadows.

Organizations like: Polaris Project whose offices are in major cities within the USA and in Japan. CAST provides multiple services that address public education, identification and victim support. The  Future Group a Canadian based organization who focuses on prevention, protection and prosecution. Transitions Global providing training, skill development, therapy and housing to victims/survivors. Somaly Mam Foundation with programs across South East Asia concentrating on awareness, rescue and rehabilitation.

As with any major service it is imperative these agencies are properly monitored and evaluated in order to gain the information we need. It may be helpful to set up standards related to this work that truly aids the cause and breeds the inter-agency cooperation that is lacking. The nature of the business itself means we may never know the true extent to which women and children are trafficked, but it is helpful to know what services are most effective.

With poverty, discrimination, misogyny, violence and demand, the vulnerability for women and children remain. The lucrative businesses of prostitution, stripping and pornography, all part of the sex trade, meant that more and more “product“ (as in human product) needed to shipped around the world. In the acceptance of one trade and its growing consumer appetite, another trade stepped up to meet demand.

What we must attend to is the climate that creates desperation, such as poverty. An empowered individual is not attractive to those that prey on the weak; investing in building the value and self esteem of women and children is so important. We all come to the table with ideas on how to address this problem but what it comes down to is consumer demand. In the act of purchasing sex through prostitution, stripping or pornography one is saying `yes“ to trafficking.

The organizations and their hard work deserve praise and support as some people are put at great personal risk in order expose trafficking and protect the survivors. Everyone has to start somewhere and though there are so many players contributing to the problem, conversely there are a growing number of individuals, governments and agencies that are trying to make a difference. In knowing that, I hold the faith that human trafficking will lose its grip on men, women and children through the collective eyes, ears, speech and actions of many.