Archive for August, 2010

I can’t even begin to express the sadness I feel for the victims of Robert Pickton and their families. As this tragedy unfolded from discovery of evidence through to the court process, it seem unfathomable that it could take so long for police to get and prosecute this man. Years go by and still we are hashing through the truths that emerge about the case and subsequent blunders/miscommunication between two police forces.

The voices grow for an inquiry as we seek more answers. We want to show our respect for the women who lost their lives; to act and speak on their behalf. To implement protocol and accountability to prevent future breakdowns.  To deal with the frustration and feelings of helplessness that comes from an injured system.

It goes without saying it is hard to find closure in this when we are talking about so many lives; whether we assign 26, 49 or 100 it was one death too many. There is no doubt in my mind he (and maybe others) were able to continue killing because of the way we as a society view these women. They are disposable, living a high risk life with multiple issues and we are simply not prepared to appreciate, empathize or look deep into their existence and our role.

They stayed under the radar of police and news worthiness because it wasn’t a series of women in my neighbourhood disappearing on their evening stroll. Thankfully, eventually the media played and plays a role in keeping this top of mind. Why am I thankful? Without that spotlight, featuring the families and organizations that aim to expose the inequities of justice, we the public would go on to the next tragedy and these women would fade even further from our view and consciousness.

Can an inquiry help? I believe it can. Providing, concrete steps are taken to ensure understanding and compliance with recommendations.

Inquiries can be time consuming and expensive but those are not good enough reasons to silence this particular issue. We have a responsibility to get to the bottom of this, we can not trust that this was only one bad situation that won’t be repeated. Yes, the Vancouver Police Department has some openness, maybe the RCMP will come around to examination of the facts but we the public must exercise our due dillegence! Many lives were lost on their watch, it was a mass murder of women.

These mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins may have lacked the self esteem and ability to advocate for a better life. Abandoned, abused, abusers or survivors it is important we do right by them once and for all. As I sat at one social gathering a few weeks back, the topic of Pickton came up.  One guy said, “He did us a favour.” Briefly proceeding to say “those women deserved it.” As he went to continue his venom I turned around and said “I don’t agree with you!” “They didn’t deserve it, I have met with women who have lived and worked on our streets, they don’t deserve this!” I chose not to continue dialogue with this man, it is a waste of breath. The use and abuse on women continues because of attitudes such as that.

I want justice for each of these women. If it can not be in the form of a voice in court or a sentence increase, then at least let us here the truth and implement change that addresses not only the systemic breakdown but gives rise to a new way of supporting women to not need or be lured into the survival sex trade. Prosecute Johns heavily and put a magnifiying glass on the street pimps and traffickers that make women vulnerable to people like Pickton. Give answers, tell me what went wrong and fix it!

What do you think? Should there be an inquiry and what would you hope comes from it?

Is it just me or is time speeding up? It is one summer in time, 2010 and I could have sworn I just started it; planning out my life according to a healthy balance of work and leisure. Today, I’m feeling more panic that the summer is leaving, it was less than a week ago when I was singing its praises, how quickly my mood changes.

There was the projects I just knew I would finally complete, the trips I was going to take and lots of visits with friends and family. I dreamed about the nothing at all days where I would kick back with no makeup, no need to do my hair, sluffy clothes and lounge with a book or magazine…for hours…stopping only to eat and drink. There were a handful of mornings or afternoons that looked like that, but not enough. I did have some wonderful visits with friends and family but I also feel like some were neglected.

Initially, by my calculations on the calendar I had a full three months at least to take advantage of the majority of each of those things. I was never good at math.

It appears I did not minus the days of work, the appointments, extended office organization, research and writing hours. I neglected to throw in the drudge jobs cleaning up the house and I mistakenly thought it may get done by the cleaning fairy if I was just a tad busy that week. In fact, I did a lot of miscalculation and at times squandered valuable time potentially doing something fun, adventurous or different for the mundane activities that could easily be done in the winter.

I’m thinking next year I will be a bit smarter. Yes, yet another grandiose plan (as if I never learn my lesson) to put into place an organization chart on a wall that lists out for me what my summer could potentially look like if I focused on pure fun. I’m going to work harder over the winter to set aside  some money so that my imaginary maid becomes a reality twice per month and my gardener does the spring and pre-winter clean up. I’m booking in advance my tickets to anywhere but here, so that I will have no excuse but to partake in a whole ton of summer fun and not feel like it got away from me.

Upon reflecting back on my youthful days, 24 hours, stretched over months, gave me plenty of time to have fun, get into trouble and flop on my couch at the end of the work day.  You know how that is though, it probably wasn’t as full as I think it was.  I have a tendency to forget what I did last week let alone days of summer…say like most of 1980′s.

It’s a little bit of selfishness rearing its head that I ask for more summer months. I am thankful for what came my way this year and of course thankful to be alive to reflect on it. It is also that ever present wishful thinking that I could control time better and make the warm summer I love so much just hang out a little longer with me, maybe squeeze out another three months. Don’t you just love that sun on your face and the warm summer breeze?

With all the gifts summer brings I can’t be the only one wishing time didn’t fly by. How was your summer?

Seals & Crofts – Summer Breeze Live 1973

Here it is the birth of a new category, inspired by my need to let off steam with rants. Steam Rising was suggested by my friend and colleague Jill, it’s a nice companion to my alter ego which celebrates Esteem Rising… I love it! In the past I have added rants in my blog posts but now there will be a place for you and I to easily find them. So, look out here it goes…

In the news – something always gets me hot under the collar:

Bears about to be trapped on the North Shore of Vancouver. For those of you unfamiliar with that location it is a picturesque area of our city that climbs its way from shore to mountain peaks, heavily populated and apparently dealing with unwanted bears. More bears than normal, they say, are becoming a nuisance. Garbage diving and even a past report of a break in to a home whereby the bear raided the kitchen for food.

This makes me sooo mad every time I hear these stories. Here’s the solution “Go live somewhere in the concrete city!”

Let’s see, I will build my half million to million dollar plus home on a mountain side and complain that bears and other wildlife are encroaching on my land. Every time I write about this I get incensed by the stupidity! Where did you expect them to go? Further up the mountain? Move to a new neighbourhood? Learn to respect your digs? As developments are built so goes the food sources for these animals and the ability to become dependent.

There is always going to be nuisances in our neighbourhoods. Take for instance the human animal, it too can garbage dive, break in to your home and  raid your cupboards, it can maim you or attempt to hurt you in the pursuit of what it needs. Sometimes we trap them but then they are released right back into our community to chronically re-offend. It’s a by-product of living how and where we live…so live with it!

Sex Offender released with a high risk to re-offend. William Thomas Williamson (even his name is slightly crazy) gets out after six years in prison and gets to roam free. Of course, we don’t know as yet where exactly he is residing. That might be helpful. They need to tattoo something on the forehead of these guys just so we better identify the creep if he is in our neighbourhood. Maybe a device implanted that gives a shock and sends a signal to authorities if he comes within feet of areas he is not supposed to be in. Does that sound cruel? Sorry, I’m inclined not to care.

Smokers helping to fuel the fires around our Province. Yes, those unhealthy souls that ramp up medical costs/usage also like to flick their cigarettes causing fires to erupt in all sorts of dry areas. Roadways and parks particularly the dumping ground for spent butts.  As a former smoker, years past, I know how hard it is to quit but if you are going to continue to not be responsible for good health at least try to be responsible enough to not set stuff on fire!

Well, I feel better already. You may not, as I have taken you through my rants but I find it a healthy release. Amongst all the beautiful things in life we appreciate there is also the things that give us a furrowed brow. You listen or see it, process it, discover its absurd nature and then erupt. Steam rising from within and with one great exhale I spill forth, “Ahhh… I feel so much better.”

As we knew it in the past, now comes the end of innocence. Children can no longer be children. In fact, it is unacceptable to remain in those blissful years being, playing, dancing and having fun as children did for hundreds of years. Living for the most part with freedom from the pressure, guilt and anxiety that can come from the roles we play as adults.

Development – as our preoccupation for being better at everything exploded, so did our need to speed up the process of childhood. Babies development encouraged by new and improved “scientific” studies that lead us towards wanting super infants – educational marvels whose parents line up for their Einstein tools and mini-college enrollment.

Play – for many children is structured too but it comes with confusing and often opposing expectations. In one camp is the parents (and so called experts) pontificating “everyone is a winner” but in the other camp is the screaming competitive sideline coaches. Play has been redefined with a more adult take on its relevance.  “To just  have fun or just be the best?” … that is the question.

Fun - all on its own has been transformed from interacting with family and friends through indoor/outdoor games, to participating in the dark room with self and a screen. On that screen children can be exposed to many sides of life and make believe that have real adult themes but lack any responsibility to determine whether the fun is healthy, pacifying or just plain inappropriate for their age.

If we talk about the girl child, look out! Checking out toys and characters such as Bratz one would think our little girls are now just miniature women. Words to describe their Dolls “Flirty” “Glamorous” “Feminine” one character is also thankfully “not pretentious.”

“Mommy what does pretentious mean?”

Clothing and accessories – the available clothing, the makeup, polished nails and dyed hair have changed any reason to look forward to growing up. To hit milestones in terms of age, responsibility let alone understanding. In its worst form clothing demonstrates the hyper-sexualization of our children and teens.

You don’t have to look far to find the images and stories that prove innocence lost. There was one American retail company I was going to feature as an example; after viewing the slide show images they use of children/young girls I decided I couldn’t give them yet another forum in which to highlight their exploitation. (if you want the link email me directly)

Wrapped in misrepresented words such as “empowerment” or “freedom”, laced in “it’s cute” “work it” or “show it off”, embraced by a pornified culture comes the undoing of childhood.

What are we doing? Why are we taking away their right to have fun without adult influence? Why are we giving them so much to see and think about without the context? Why do we enjoy partnering with our children and teens in a way that does not define the differences between adult/child relationships and development? Why do we believe they are capable of doing many things so early in life but then step in to protect them when it results in a wrong decision that causes them harm or costs society? Why are we unable to see that these mini adults will not be any better prepared for adulthood? Why did we need to take away what was positive about innocence?

Dance – if there was ever a moment when I felt sickened by our move towards taking our little ones too far into adulthood it was with the following video. The debate opened up early regarding this; anger on one side, sadness for others and as you can see with some of the comments people who support it. Talent aside – given the song lyrics, costuming and moves I had to remind myself they are only 7 YEARS OLD! It is no surprise that some adults are viewing our young as prey, as we package them up for display and sell them in our online, public and retail markets.

7 year old girls dancing to Single Ladies

Living on the West coast also known as the Wet coast if anyone knows how to enjoy spring, summer, winter or fall it’s us! Summer just manages to ramp the pleasure up a few notches.

Today, we were having breakfast at a beautiful resort restaurant not too far from where we live. My mother, who had joined us for the weekend, commented on how nice it was to see this very large family gather together to dine. Their summer vacation, possibly a reunion but whatever the reason to gather there was lots of smiles and chatter. Dining out in general changes over these months as we have more evenings out on our patio at home and can often hear neighbours in their back yards doing the exact same thing.

There is also a multitude of bikes, kayaks and canoes strapped on to vehicles destined for the favourite spots. Boats being towed to lakes, rivers and oceans for launch or busy marinas with the vessels coming and going; bound for islands and coves. Hikers hit mountains and paths, runners and walkers out on the streets and tracks. Campers loading the car up and those with more of a need for the creature comforts of home outfit their travel trailers for destinations known or unknown.

It is an amazing time of year and though you get the occasional reminder mother nature still holds the cards as far as weather goes, it’s all good! There are times throughout the year we gather to celebrate for this or that but summer, to me, feels like one big party. You sprinkle in the hours of work with the sole purpose of getting to the next moment to kick the shoes off and place those feet in the sand, on the grass or paddling in the water.

There are projects to be done but at least at the end of the day you can’t beat what summer has to offer food, family and fun!

In the context of my work as a Career Development Practitioner it can often be hard to describe the different approaches I employ to support individuals. (Hence, why I don’t spend a lot of time blogging about it.) Depending on the needs of my clients or students, my role changes slightly to accommodate. Sometimes, I can find myself and my client floating somewhere between interventions and knowing that, I take a momentary step back to reevaluate our position and goals.

There is coaching, counselling, consulting and advising; to name a few. Each have their merits and serve to aid in the process of getting us from point A to B and so on.  If there is one thing that comes up often, when I first begin to work with anyone, it is establishing the differences between coaching and counselling.

So, I thought I would just do a quick and easy look at the differences between styles of working together as it pertains to career support services:

Coaching is like a safety net – If you are going through a transition but need some redefining or refining of your skills, values and/or interest, this style may be of help. It is quite goal oriented and doesn’t delve too much  into the feelings/emotional aspects that may be a barrier to your success. What you get is the support and brain storming that is often helpful to move forward in attaining your goal.

Counselling has a more holistic approach – If there are behaviours, past and present influences, beliefs, negative self talk, skill development, interests and values clarification, professional or personal reasons that hinder progress, this may be the style for you. It is intended to bring forth meaningful discussions necessary for personal growth. In turn, it allows for professional advancement, promotes positive movement, healthy decision making and goal setting. There is great care, ethics and safety used with counselling and it is incumbent on your practitioner to know when discussions have reached an area outside of their expertise. From that a referral would be made.

Consulting provides feedback and strategies – If you feel reasonably in control but need some assistance that allows you to accept or reject suggestions, this may be a fit. Consulting could be something that you tap into occasionally as a check in, but your level of confidence in your skills, education and abilities may be quite intact.

Advising (or Guiding) is really about monitoring your actions – If you don’t want someone to act on your behalf but instead encourage your independence; provide resources and advice to support that self- reliance, this may be just what you need.

No matter what the role I find myself in it is extremely rewarding. I have often said I am humbled and honored to be a part of my clients and students development. We all need someone to turn to and certainly understand what it means to be stuck. Sometimes we are far too close to the situation or unable to get out of the way of ourselves in order to make the next so called “logical” step.

Make sure you ask questions about the practitioners style and philosophy because how they work with you is deeply important. It is your time, money and energy that is being expended and that needs to be respected. Hopefully, after this quick post on the types of assistance that is available you can feel empowered to determine what your next step may be and who, if anyone, will help in that process.