Author Archives: Jennifer Chandler

How to be Miserable

How to be Miserable

The following video 7 Ways to Maximize Misery was created by CGP Grey and has been out for awhile, so I’m a bit late to the party. I have to say I found it quite humorous.

It was inspired by the book, How to be Miserable Forty Strategies You Already Use, by Randy J. Paterson.

There is also a great follow-up article written by Randy J. Paterson about the video and how he tabulated the comments. Check out:

Tabulating Comments to “7 Ways to Maximize Misery”

Sometimes we just have to put all seriousness aside and have a little laugh at ourselves.

 

Cheers to David Bowie

We share a special date – it is arriving. Though he is not here to celebrate anymore, I will do so in my life. I just had a wonderful time spent watching a concert that I – for some inexplicable reason – had not seen, Live in Berlin 2002. With a glass a wine in hand my journey towards another year on earth was made ever sweeter by watching the great David Bowie have fun on a stage with his band, in front of so many fans. We were all lucky to have opportunities to see him live as his shows were indescribably beautifully orchestrated and mind-blowing! Such a talent dearly missed. Cheers Bowie.

Open Letter to 2018

Open Letter to 2018

Hello 2018,

I have welcomed you with my usual childlike curiosity and gratitude for yet another year on this beautiful earth but as I write this I can’t help but feel a little wistful for the year that just passed. Not to sound too dramatic but I sense there are things I will dearly miss about 2017- maybe for a lifetime. Still I’m glad to feast my eyes on these first few days.

I’m sure you will bring forth opportunities to challenge my beliefs about self, others and the world. I know you will allow for experiences that bring immense joy but I also realize that sadness and anger will also reveal their purpose too.

It would be nice to know that sprinkled amongst the mundane tasks that will make up many of my weeks, you will ensure I come out of the haze to pay attention to nature. You see, I don’t want to take that for granted.

For example, the other day I listened as the snow patted down on the ground after falling from trees. I heard the call of a Flicker, watched the sun begin to set over the ocean, and gazed at deer foraging in patches of woodland before darkness fell. It would be greatly appreciated if I could have more days like that.

My friends and family are important to me. It would be presumptuous of me to assume everything will stay the same, so with whatever you hold in store please make sure I’m reminded often to tell them how much I love them.

Without a doubt you, 2018, will have me meet strangers that will impact my life in more ways than I could have imagined. I also know I will support my clients and colleagues and learn greatly from each one. I thank you for that.

I do hope that you will reveal more ways for us (the world) to come together rather than be so divisive. Maybe someone, or an idea, will be born this year that will help tremendously towards that goal.

I guess what I’m saying is, I’m open to what you have in store because I know everything I have done so far has led me to be ready for 2018 – and I’m not alone.

 

 

 

 

The Rise of Hate

The Rise of Hate

Hate tweets, hate speech, hate videos, hate vlogs and blogs, Hate appears to be on the rise.

Haters see themselves as only being honest or sticking it to politically correct losers, and they’re proudly displaying their middle finger in defiance. Having a strong opinion doesn’t make a person a Hater but how they consistently deliver their opinion can.

Haters feel powerful as their tribe grows stronger. Laughing amongst themselves and rolling their eyes about things like harassment, violence and the suffering of others. They are not supportive of campaigns by marginalized groups who dream of better treatment. They blame Feminism, immigrants, other countries, news outlets, and a plethora of individuals for everything they can possibly think of.

They have created divisions between allies, community, friends, family and even life partners as they become accustomed to treating others poorly. These people have forgotten how to be kind except when they are patting the back of, or shaking hands with, their own hate club members. They feel energized after writing or vocalizing their worst possible thoughts which says more about who they are than about those they target. Issues can’t be debated without insult or dismissive statements, and they take no responsibility for their behaviour.

Haters come from all walks of life but one commonality is the need to belong and be heard – they long to be relevant. On Twitter – a haven for Haters – you will see Actors finding a new audience for outrageously angry rants. Comedians who trade humour for cruelty, so-called Leaders being bullies, and so many others who have found a way to dispense often meaningless drivel. (And let’s not forget Armchair Politicians)

Their message, “You Are Not OK but I am! We are!” A mantra every narcissist, hate group or aggressor identifies with.

Haters don’t tend to sit down or connect in any way with the people they rant about. They expend little to no effort to learn more about a person or group in order to find some common ground. (Which is possible) They are content to be hostile. Slowly these people, who once may have had some compassion or common sense, get eaten alive by negativity without ever knowing they were prey.

It is entirely possible that they have low self-worth; even if they want to tell people otherwise. They can’t be fine in the mind because hate kills happiness, love, empathy and cooperation. Look into the eyes of someone who leads with love, practices tolerance and has a true interest in others. Now look at the eyes of someone who is disgusted by another person, cruel, impatient and disinterested. Eyes are the windows to our soul.

We can learn from someone who has keenly considered the impact of their words and whose intention is to do right by others as opposed to the person whose intent is to crush them. It doesn’t take intelligence to put together a few characters to curse, or demean another person using infantile speech, but it can irrevocably change things.

Historically, we have seen how fear can grow, and that fear became uncontrolled anger and that anger boiled up to hate. Such feelings rose up to cause division between people who were once neighbours and friends. It began with a statement against a person,people or belief, then moved onto propaganda that was written and distributed. The manufacturing of hate produced large quantities of rumour and suspicion which then culminated into civil unrest. People’s actions or feelings seemed innocuous at first but HATE always acts as a catalyst for war in one form or another. 

A Tribute to Cst. John Davidson

A Tribute to Cst. John Davidson

On a rainy day in Abbotsford, British Columbia the landscape of ordinary streets changed into a sea of uniforms, flags and citizens. They came from all over Canada, Scotland, England and the United States to pay tribute to a fallen officer, Cst. John Davidson of The Abbotsford Police Department.

As my friend (who knew of him through her daughter) and I walked towards the centre in which his Celebration of Life ceremony would be held I was struck by the amount of people, the security presence, the sounds of air traffic but little to no talking. There were no cell phones ringing, no laughter, no children at play or any of the usual noises that permeate our neighbourhoods; just the sound of boots walking.

The main centre was reserved for “blue bands” which was all police and emergency personnel. A centre, a short distance away, would hold the overflow of people who wanted to attend and watch the proceedings on large screens. We sat in quiet contemplation, stood when asked to stand and when guided towards moments of silence it was as if we were one mind.

Scrunched up in so many hands were tissues ready to meet the eyes and cheeks that carried tears for someone we’ve never met. For those that did know Cst. Davidson it was particularly hard to fight back emotions as they spoke about their beloved friend, colleague, husband, father, brother and uncle. His life played out to us through stories, pictures and video. We understood that he would not at all expect or enjoy the focus that was being placed on him but people like John Davidson – who selfishly give – don’t understand our need to give back.

When the service was over we walked towards the final procession area. For miles again a sea of officers, first responders and civilians stood along a street, in the cold, with rain pelting down upon already soaked uniforms -all of us ready to say our final “Goodbye and Thank you.” The gun salute rang out to momentarily end the silence and then the police motorcycles rumbled passed. With lights flashing and cars approaching the shout signifying to stand at attention was next and as the car carrying the body of Cst. John Davidson, and the cars for his family passed by, arms raised in salute.

When I got home I shared the experience with my husband. I showered to try to get rid of the bitter cold that ate through my clothes to my bones. My mind stuck in time, November 19, 2017. Later that evening as I laid down in my bed I couldn’t help but think, as my husband arrived next to me, that at least we have this moment again. My mind wandered to Cst. John Davidson’s wife who now faces long nights in a bed without her love. I think of his siblings and mother along with his children who must rely on their memory for pearls of wisdom and the essence of who he was. I know all of this well, having experienced at the age of nine what it’s like to hear my mother cry herself to sleep after my fathers sudden death. I know the emptiness of a house that was once a home because of the absence of someone so loved. But this isn’t about me.

It’s about a brave man who chose a career that is both dangerous and rewarding. It is about a man who loved nature, physical fitness and who pushed himself and others to be the best they could be. He believed in the power of people to change and had a way about him that even those receiving a ticket would shake his hand. He had no tolerance for drunk drivers. He helped youth to reject drugs that were taking them out one by one and cycled to raise money for cancer. He had a sense of humour and so much more that made John Davidson a soul that will be missed.

Thank you to the family for allowing us to mourn with you in such a public way. Know that when you think there is nobody remembering you or him, you are wrong – I am. (And I suspect many others beyond your police family will be too)

Coverage of Tribute

Remembering Our Veterans

For the first time in my life I was not in Canada for Remembrance Day. My husband and I, plus a couple of our friends, were away in the United States. During our trip we proudly wore our poppies and this morning – before heading back home – we sat for a moment of silence at the 11th hour. I’m not sure that everyone who passed us by in the lobby of the hotel knew what we were doing but we didn’t mind. Quietly in front of the fire we sat and paid respect to our veterans.

I have to say I missed watching the ceremony and so I’m not sure in the future I would be away for this day. I also couldn’t help but think about the death of a police officer in Abbotsford BC, Constable John Davidson who died in the line of duty only days ago. So many brave people for generations have put their lives on the line for us and I remain eternally grateful for one and all.

Job Interview Power Song?

Job Interview Power Song?

My job interview preparation list:

  1. Extra copies of my resume
  2. Contacted my references and made the list
  3. Researched the organization thoroughly
  4. Practiced interview questions with confidence
  5. Prepared additional information package including portfolio and updated online profiles
  6. Scanned my social media presence
  7. Planned transportation and schedule so as to arrive on time at interview
  8. Picked out my best professional clothes
  9. Got my hair cut and looking polished
  10. Tee up my Power Song!

Yup, that’s what I wrote, a song can be part of your job interview preparation. If there is one thing that can help lessen the nerves, get us in touch with who we are, makes us feel strong or happy, it’s a song.

Music is such a great equalizer and certainly therapeutic on so many levels so my advice to clients is to tap into that place of joy and strength through a song that has personal meaning.

Listen to it as you get ready to go to the interview. Put the ear buds in those ears while you sit on the bus or crank it up in the car ride to the interview. Just fill your soul with the song and walk into that interview pumped and ready!

Don’t go there only to sit in the waiting area solemnly practicing questions in your head or visualizing everything that could go wrong. I say, keep the power song in mind and know that you have this.

Now that you are psyched up… It is time to share your accomplishments, tell the story about how you can help this business, be interested and interesting and above all else be you with a smile ready to greet whomever you come in contact with.

Do you have a power song?

I have a few songs that build up my self-esteem but the following song by Elton John called Philadelphia Freedom always gets me going.

How do we stop sexual harassment?

How do we stop sexual harassment?

Like many women, I too have experienced inappropriate sexual comments and “jokes” in the workplace. My first introduction to workplace sexual harassment happened when I was in my early twenties. I was excited about a new job that paid better than my last and gave me more responsibility.  I desperately wanted the position because I was living on my own and it might give me a chance at a better life.

It wasn’t long after I arrived that I was schooled about the uncomfortable treatment of female staff. I was told who to watch out for and given lessons on “the way things work around here.”  There were examples of back stabbing and strategic alliances within the office but nothing was as bad as the way some of the men treated women and the double standard within the organization.

Many of the uncomfortable looks, sexual innuendo and comments would come right after the guys would get back from their very extended lunch breaks at the strip bar down the street. (Female staff were chastised if they were even 10 minutes late from breaks) I hated taking anything to the desks of these guys after they returned back from lunch because I knew the stupid banter would be more ramped up than usual. The face of one co-worker is still in my memory as he was particularly gross and often cruel – especially if you didn’t smile and laugh at his comments.

Efforts by some long-time female staff members to talk with management about their male coworkers’ behaviour failed to change anything and my attempts to do the same got me on the bad list too. It was clear that this place had a lot of problems so eventually I quit.

How do we stop sexual harassment?

Establish Policies

Establishing policies is a necessity but policies aren’t enough. Most companies have codes of ethics and anti-harassment policies that are only strong if they are followed. Directing employee complaints to Management or a Human Resources Department can also be helpful as long as they’re not part of the problem.

Educate Staff

Some companies bring in educators to teach staff and management about sexual harassment. Facilitating workshops on civil communication, respect and empathy can work because not everyone has developed those skills or been given those tools early in life.

Contact Outside Agencies For Support

If talking with the harasser, management or supervisor hasn’t worked then consider registering complaints with Human Rights Commission, Union Representative,  Call Dial-A-Law for legal information or phone an Employment Lawyer directly. Reaching out to law enforcement agencies may be necessary depending on the severity of incidences.

Teach Your Children A Better Way

We have the possibility of changing all of this by teaching children about respect for self and others.

I also think it’s important for us to analyze how boys are introduced to women and sexuality. This can shape their understanding of who girls/women are, how they wish to be treated and appropriate language when speaking with and about girls/women.  Reinforcing positive and respectful behaviours now can change a generation.

Boys and men need to care about this issue just as much as women. Understand, identify and call it out when they see sexual harassment

Girls need to learn about the pivotal role the word “NO” will play in their life. Gavin De Becker said it best in his book The Gift of Fear – Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence, when he wrote, “No” is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear is trying to control you. Harassers look for weakness and ways to control.

Building self-esteem and committing without apology to values is a solid step forward for girls. Above all girls and women can be assertive AND know that being a victim of sexual harassment is not their fault.

Back in my twenties I felt compelled to put up with so much because I needed a job and I’d been conditioned to believe this treatment was normal. I eventually developed my voice and began to flex my assertiveness (and occasional aggressive) muscle. It hasn’t always been easy but knowledge has become power.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WE CAN DO TO PREVENT OR STOP SEXUAL HARASSMENT?