Archive for the ‘Career Consulting’ Category

What was your first job and what did it teach you?

The first job we have is such a profound marker in life, a coming of age moment. The cutting of the chord, as it were, from our parents and a real indicator life is about to be very different. I have had many conversations with people about their first job and by virtue of being a career counselor/coach I have also been present at an individuals first leap into the world of work. What always intrigues me is how we get started and how we progress from those humble beginnings.

My first job was in retail. Working for one of the largest and most popular jean company Bootlegger. It was initially a challenge for me as I wasn’t always comfortable with pressure sales and up-selling; it felt a little like I was pushing the limits of trust between customer and clerk. What got me past my reservations was the all important first pay cheque, in addition to keeping a roof over my head and food in my stomach. Fresh out of high school and now independent it became an essential quality to look at the bigger picture as there was nobody else to blame if I failed to pay my rent.  I quickly learned that money wasn’t everything, there was more to a job and paycheque than meets the eye.

Many very famous people had some less than glamorous jobs but important starts. Gwen Stefani from the group No Doubt worked at Dairy Queen cleaning the floors. Kirstie Alley known for her role on the hit television show Cheers was a housekeeper; in an interview with Oprah she shared her knowledge of the best ways to clean a home. Barbara Walters was a secretary in an office before she began her career in journalism. Queen Latifah who has made her mark as a singer and actor worked at Burger King. Suze Orman the financial guru worked as a waitress. In fact, there were many cooks, waitresses, retail clerks and secretaries. Maya Angelou the brilliant poet and writer started out similarly but one interesting note was the distinction of being the first black female streetcar conductor in San Francisco.

What did my first job teach me? I certainly understood more about my values and developed skills I previously didn’t know I had. I used the word trust earlier when describing my interaction with customers, but really it was the importance of placing myself in other peoples’ shoes. Whether somebody came to me to get an honest opinion on buying an item or for advice the lesson I concluded was to be authentic. Fake just doesn’t cut it. I also now empathize with those that serve others as I know what it’s like being behind the counter.

Here are some other important things learned:

1.Strong work ethic: by working hard, pushing through challenge, putting in the time and showing willingness to learn, many doors can open.

2.Validation: I liked Kirstie speaking about being validated for her contribution as the housekeeper. She was able to take pride in her work and know that it was important and the skills obtained would be used many times in life. She shared “It gave me a vision for my own home.”

3. Making average great: Suze Orman profoundly remarked about how being a waitress helped her discover happiness. She stated “I learned that when you make average great, your dreams can become a reality.”

4. Perspective:  The first job can give you perspective. Life up to that point has been fairly structured and blinders were firmly attached. The first job opens us up the opportunity to find deeper meaning and understanding about self and others.

5. The Journey: None of the famous people noted or anyone I know had instantaneous success. Contrary to popular belief we don’t get to become CEO overnight. Starting at the bottom and working our way up has a lot of benefits. Maybe the pocket book is lighter but the experience and exposure to what and who can make a big difference is the long term gain.

6. Mentors Matter: Mentors are truly the unsung hero’s in our career development. The biggest impact on our professional lives whether youth or adult can often be found in a person who took the time to see the potential.

7. Money isn’t everything: Though there are famous women and men who have enjoyed huge success and now live life comfortably financially, it wasn’t the pursuit of the next dollar that got them there. Finding the joy, listening to the right people, setting goals and working hard brings us closer to the life we want.

Here’s something else from the book of Jennifer

- Nobody owes us nothing but if we trace backward we may find we owe someone something. It is usually gratitude for their wisdom, patience and willingness to take a chance on us. With naivety firmly intact we begin the career path. It doesn’t matter whether you are selling jeans, flipping burgers, wearing work boots or a hair net there is learning in everything we do. Nothing is beneath us except solid ground in which to start building upon.

What did your first job teach you?

Some time ago I was teaching a class when it occurred to me that those preparing for employment and those currently employed share a common need. The need for self care. It doesn’t matter how much money you make or your education if you are not taking care of yourself, your health can easily be compromised.

It is common for us to focus outward and neglect the signs that our work life is taking over. The assumption is that if we push hard enough we will get where we need to go faster. It will get easier from there and we can rest later.

The push can be for financial reasons, in that there is self/family to support, increased debt or lavish lifestyle to fund. It can also be forced upon us if the expectation of our position means a twelve hour day shows dedication, anything less shows weakness. Still for others the drive may be self inflicted, a feeling that they are not good enough and in order to be noticed they must go the extra distance, even if it kills them.

There are other reasons for us to focus outward but what I would like to explore is a holistic approach to work. I have compiled three main areas of focus for you to consider:

Feed the Body – Proper diet is essential. Prior to re-entering the workforce try to get yourself on a similar schedule to a work day. Give yourself the gift of a diet that will help sustain you from hour to hour. Often, people in my class brought coffee, pop and treats for their breaks; that doesn’t nurture the body and is very unpractical considering the time and requirements associated with a workshop. Appropriate exercise. Get in an routine with an activity that stimulates you, it gets the blood flowing. Walking is great for that and can be easily adapted for pre and post work. Rest when needed. If you have any health concerns in which a full day can be difficult, try to find even fifteen minutes to rest. Many times I have gone to my car in lunch breaks, ate my lunch and rested my eyes before returning to work. Use your office or find a quiet space to meditate it can make a huge difference.

Feed the Mind – Learning and developing ideas. Keeping the mind active is essential, whether currently employed or not. Taking an extended brain break while off work can make returning to work ten times harder. It is exhausting to learn a new job and especially so if you have not continued in some way to keep the brain stimulated. Equally, if you are on the job, it is not uncommon to fall in a rut. You may question the point in learning anything new as you’re employed, so why bother? That is a mistake, it is the prime time to educated yourself further and develop ideas that keep the job or job prospects interesting. A strong word of advice – upgrading while you are on the job is far better than waiting till you are unemployed,stressed and desperate for work. Keeping yourself current is a line a defense against extended unemployment.

Feed the Soul – Find the passion. Being passionate about what you do goes a long way. There are plenty of studies to suggest that when you enjoy what you do, money, contacts and opportunity comes to you. It is not to say that sometimes we must do things that we are less than passionate about in order to pay the bills. There are times in our life when that is necessary and not beneath us. There is no shame in that, it is called survival. However, embracing passion instead of chasing the dollar, can make success taste that much sweeter. Chasing the dollar feels good only on a superficial level, passion is deep and many doors open as the passion exudes from you. Just watch what happens when someone talks about something they love, facial expressions and hand gestures are more noticeable, they light up. Their speech is more confident and the knowledge pours forth effortlessly. That is what is captured in the passion, confidence, an inner knowing “this is right for me.”

The holistic approach to working makes sense no matter who you are. No matter your age, location or employment status. Tap into these things and you will see differences in your perception of self and work.

If you need further clarification on incorporating this into your life or other career coaching services, please feel free to contact me.

“Please excuse me I have somewhere else I would rather be.”

OK, I wouldn’t really say it like that but I have thought it many times in certain social settings. I don’t know if it is my age or my increased need to honor my self and my time but it is getting easier to walk away from being in the wrong place with the wrong people. We all have been in a room and experienced difficulty with a personality that turns what is a respectful, inclusive conversation or meaningful/fun experience into an excluding, bad taste, ego centric show.

I often find myself in that moment checking in with my reaction, trying to center and recognizing that this person is bringing up feelings in me I may need to explore.  I may need to look deeper as to how I can better handle situations like this. But not right now!

Right now, I sit politely listening to a bunch of inappropriate jokes or life/relationship analysis; a laugh that comes first from their own mouth, followed by others who either agree or feel compelled to participate. I sit there and think…Who are you? I look around to see if anyone else appears to be asking the same question or is adjusting their body language to compensate for their real feelings about this person being in their space. In my estimation, some individuals believe it is there place to liven things up but usually are not good at assessing the crowd. I always wonder what makes them think it was needing their touch, humour or antics to begin with.

It is the lack of civility, respect for all individuals and manners (especially in the company of women), that bothers me most. Some of the worst examples of human behaviour are used to signify a persons arrival in the group, propped up by a large ego and a loud mouth. (They are either really comfortable with their own behaviour or are compensating for some issues that are unbeknownst to the rest of us.)

I used to go through my life just joining in, feeling compelled to be in with the crowd but I became closer to myself over these years, formed a relationship and understanding that is working well. I became less interested in fitting in and more interested in living in my truth. There are some things that are just not funny to me or don’t interest me… and that is OK.

In assessing my own physical and psychological reactions to such people or circumstances I have learned a lot. My reactions are slowly changing; a slow process as sometimes I feel as though I may have to bite my tongue, literally. Feeling comfortable not to engage is welcomed, and then the subsequent letting go of all emotions associated with the experience or person. It is extremely liberating to realize that we all have reasons for the way we act in any given circumstance but that we also have the power to simply walk away.

Trust me when I say, I am under construction in this department, many people coming to test my foundation. How I respond is an opportunity to learn. I can do without certain people in my life, more selective I guess. I don’t know what works for the rest of you but I know where I am heading.

So, if you go down a road I’m not willing to go, “Please excuse me, I have somewhere else I would rather be.

(This post was reflecting many social settings in the past and was not fully representing any one situation or person)

Jack Welch the former General Electric Co. Chief made some comments at the Society for Human Resource Management conference that hit the proverbial fan. It seems the interpretation of his speech looked very much like a man who was nonsupporting of women who require time to raise a family. He is not one to believe in the concept of work/life balance. “There are work/life choices and you make them, and they have consequences.” Well, that sounds ominous.

Further to that, was the claim that a person who wants to take the time out for family will be be passed over for promotion if “you’re not there in the clutch.” I’ll save that one for another time, but as for work/life balance and choices here is where I want to go with this:

After all these years of working with individuals in career development/planning, I have yet to have one man come in and ask me how to balance his life and career.Truly, not one.

It may be because it was a little easier in some professions to climb to a level that afforded them more balance personally and financially.  As for having a family, they don’t have nine months of pregnancy to contend with; physically growing larger by the week, more tired by the day while still maintaining their employment and work responsibilities. Interruption in their career after baby is born is shorter and therefore doesn’t impact them greatly. It could also be that the division of labour in the home is still not equal and that children seem to require more of Mom’s attention than Dad’s.

So, by virtue of just these examples alone I would think the scale itself would not look balanced to begin with, so why ask? It may also be that it is all just water off a ducks back and trying to obtain balance is something men don’t feel the need to attain. Life is life.

In measuring anything on a scale we may see balance and we are happy with that for how ever long it last. It gives us a temporary sense of accomplishment. Then the scale may tip one way or the other as we attempt to add more things to one side. Balance is hard to maintain in a life that is not stagnant, but it is possible to balance more often than not.  That is why I will grant Mr. Welch one thing… we do have work/life choices and those are the things that get our scales unbalanced if not properly assessed prior to decision making.

Here is my observation from watching people all around me, listening in on conversations, reading the blogs and counselling the professional/working Mom.

Most of the time I see women doing far more than they need to be doing. They have made a “choice” to do for their children and their partners what each could do for themselves. Instead of dividing the workloads many women appear to feel they are superior; their children/partners are incapable of contributing properly. Consequently, the family’s ability to take on more responsibility or even think for themselves is lost. Many useful skills simply never get developed or vanish. These women have created the position of NEED, on top of all the hats worn they want also to be “needed.”

“I don’t know what they would do without me.” If a woman can not balance her life, transition within or even expand on her career in the way that she had intended, most of the time I can trace it back to impulsive decision making and/or to lack of delegation. If women today are less happy than they were in previous generations as some study suggested, it isn’t feminism that killed that (which was one of the suggested culprits) it is because they have not stepped up to the plate and claimed their life, career and time properly. Also, generation past… may have ill-prepared this generation to think, do and delegate. (Just an observation, not a scientific fact) 

Balance comes when the scale is evenly weighted – not perfect, it will move from time to time but the expectation is that others will help in the process. Here is food for thought: Children are not invalids! Less tech time and more understanding of home maintenance will help with work/life balance. Make the connection that a grown man who is perfectly capable at work to balance his appointments, meet deadlines, communicate and clean up his work space is able to do the same when he comes home.

At the end of the day it does come down to choices. There are consequences, but we make the scale tip negatively or positively. The career woman shouldn’t need to be afraid of her choices, let the Jack Welch’s of the world fade to black and have larger expectations for those around you professionally and personally. As a wise colleague of mine Sheila Radha Conrad pointed out “Empowerment comes from within”….use it! All the answers to what will balance your life, enhance your career and benefit your family can be found if you look inward.

It is often hard to give ourselves permission to stop and truly take care of self.

Lately, I have been pulling out many hats and switching them several times throughout the day.  There are moments of clarity where I talk to my self and say, “What the heck are you doing, Jennifer?” The answer comes back, “stop and have lunch, drink water, breathe, damn it breathe.” Still I proceed unsympathetic to its pleas, after all there is a list of things to do and a timeline in which to do it.

There are also roles; that are defined very early on in relationships with family, friends and significant others. Each person, for the most part, is busy too and therefore has difficulty noticing if we are burning the candle at both ends. There is a person who might pipe and say, “Why don’t you just not do that?” OK, I could put it aside but the odd thing is, the darn thing will be waiting for me tomorrow or next week when I’m equally busy, so how does that help? What’s even odder is that thing you put off, waits until you’re just about to drop off to sleep and then creeps into your head and says in a whispering voice, “Don’t forget…. tomorrow” And I’m awake again.

So, today I took time out at the spa. “Ahhhh.” It was there in the low lights, relaxing music and with the gentle hands of Leanne providing me with a well needed facial, I had a moment. Here I am imparting the wisdom of women balancing their life and careers and I’m not taking my own advice. Asking women to take time out for self and sharing how those around you will benefit from your self care and here I was forgetting to even take a proper breath.

This time at the spa was a luxury I do not afford myself often. Financially it is not always feasible, sometimes I feel guilty for loving it so much and as you can see I don’t allow time. It is my choice to wear all those hats and sometimes a hat is donated and worn to alleviate someone else. Either way, saying “No” is a word that is hard to say, even for me.

So, this counsellor needs to take her own advice more often and the advice of those loving people who observe the flames as I streak by them on my way to the next project.

Taking care of self should not be the gift you give yourself, but the norm. I have to say, I will need to explore this further, reach deep and overcome. In the meantime, I will start small, reduce the current array of hats and know that “Delegation” and saying “NO”, are not dirty words. My face is clean and so to is my conscience for taking an hour + for self.

Recently, I asked women to answer the following questions:

What does empowerment mean to you? Do you agree that women are more empowered and in what ways? Is there anything in today’s society that would make you think women are less empowered and if so what is it?

Well, did I get some great answers! Women from the United States, Canada and the United Kingdom had something to say about empowerment. Condensing it became a challenge, as there was great wisdom and such interesting perspectives. So, go to my column at TimeFinders Online Magazine – Worldly Women and see for yourself.

TimeFinders Magazine

On June 17th a woman and her 3 year old daughter were out picking berries when they were attacked by a cougar. The mother manage to pull the cougar off her child and get to safety. The cute little girl who is doing fine now, thankfully, apparently couldn’t understand why the “big kitty, didn’t want to play nice.”

Though, I appreciate the heroics of her mother, the saving of her beautiful daughter’s life and the innocent statement of the child, here is my rant on this.

Conservations officers have gone and shot the cougar they think is the one who attacked this girl. However, they are not sure until after they get DNA results. Due to a rash of other attacks conservations officers have been out tracking other cougars and shooting them too. Apparently, we don’t have relocation services anymore.

If I have it right these people live in the Brackendale neighbourhood of Squamish, which boasts about its natural habitat and diverse species of birds and wildlife. Squamish and the surrounding areas have seen a lot of development over the years and road construction, which I’m sure has affected all inhabitants. The camping, the hiking, the bird watching and the ability to build your home right in the middle of all this habitat means humans are living and playing amongst the animals.

I don’t feel sorry for people who wish to live in nature and then complain when it comes into their space. If I go out to camp, I assume I may be crossing the path of wildlife that has been living and raising its young in that area.

Also, I have little sympathy for people who want the picturesque view and don’t mind tearing off a strip of a mountain to get it. These are the same people who decide “hey, it’s a nice day to go for a walk on the man made walking trails and pick berries right in my backyard.” What bothers me most, is they have the audacity to complain about animals living in this natural, diverse world they bought into. Where did you think the wildlife would go?

Most animals and birds have a range, they can’t go higher because their food source may not be there. They can’t go lower because for the most part we have already destroyed that. They have dens and trees in which they have raised generations of their species. Of course, those dens, trees and ranges are shrinking rapidly or no longer exist.

One of the cougars shot, was emancipated. Why? One may have been young and was just learning to hunt. Oops…bad mistake to try hunting where humans have taken over. I’m sick of these stories about people who come in contact with wildlife and then we kill them.

I have said this before and I will say this again. If I’m ever out and get mulled by a bear or attacked by a cougar don’t bother to tell them where I was, it was my fault for being stupid, unprotected and unaware of my surroundings.

The “big kitty” doesn’t want to play because he has to probably take a lot more risk and time in order to feed himself, thanks to human encroachment. Like it or not that is my say….no sympathy!!

Continuing where I left off on the Boating for Two Dummies story, we may have found the one for us. I can tell you it is a very good idea, if you are first time boaters, to take the time necessary to find the right one. There is so much to learn and the more boats we saw the better we became at asking the questions and doing our own visual inspection.

We did manage to secure a slip at a Marina which in itself can be quite the hassle as many marina’s have waiting lists in Vancouver and surrounding areas. At one point we wondered if we would just be setting up  deck chairs with drink in hand staring at our newly rented slip and no boat.

What was nice about looking at boats in Marina’s and privately, was how friendly the people are. This appears to be a whole other world where people still acknowledge each other as they walk past, get to know their neighbours and extend invitations to upcoming events. We were invited to join clubs as soon as we get a boat and to me it looked like the party had already started. This friendly atmosphere is in stark contrast to the daily existence within our own neighbourhoods. I like it!

We met a very nice couple this past weekend and truly enjoyed seeing just how much care and pride they had in their boat. Sure they are now looking to move on up to accommodate grown kids and grand-kids, but still this boat appeared to hold a special place in their hearts. What I also enjoyed was sitting and talking, we had a very interesting conversation that I won’t soon forget. Pleasant surprises made it worth the ferry ride and 45 minute drive to get to their cabin.

I highly recommend this hobby or lifestyle depending on how you look at it. I haven’t even got started and I am excited for the future. My husband has discovered that he loves looking at boats and could have continued inspecting more if it weren’t for that “NEED TO MAKE A DECISION BEFORE THE SUMMER IS GONE, DEAR!”

So here is hoping that this is “the one”  and that it will turn out well with the final survey. We both can’t wait to be setting sail for one of the many beautiful locations that adorn our west coast, or just hang out at our slip, either way its “Cheers…to new adventures.”

What are the guiding principals of your life?

Values can be described as the beliefs, attitudes and philosophies which you consider important. They don’t change from personal life to work, they are not situational. You don’t just walk out the door and change your values. The decisions you make in life and the actions associated with those decisions are influenced by your values alone.

We have certain things in life we value more than others. Over the course of our lifetime they remain firmly intact, but some may differ in terms of priority. For instance: there are certain things you may have valued more as a youth than in your adult life. They are still there, just possibly a bit farther down the list.

What we value shows up in how we shop, when we vote, in our friendships, work and play. Some values may be protected and defended more than others, compromise may not be an option. When asked to compromise values you are placed in a bad position, one that can affect you personally, emotionally, spiritually and professionally.

Being clear about what you value can help in your career and your relationships. If you value Honesty, Integrity, Loyalty and Self Respect you will try to live accordingly and seek out others of like mind. You will not be inclined to work for a company that is dishonest or makes you feel uncomfortable because what you value, clashes with their organization. If you value, Action, Adventure, Excitement you may seek this out personally and/or professionally through activities and people.

It was Roy Disney who was quoted as saying “When your values are clear to you, making decisions become easier.” This is true. So, I encourage you to take some time for yourself and clarify “What do I value in my life?” List out what is important to you in order of priority. That will help you build the confidence necessary to make the right decisions in life and work.

Here is a small list of values to get you started:

affection, emotion, love, athletics, health, beauty, nature, peace, challenge, change, curiosity, travel, wealth, enjoyment, fun, humour, family, marriage, parenthood, friendship, ideas, intelligence, logic, wisdom, inner harmony, social welfare, spiritual life, power, prestige, recognition, financial security, pleasure, sensuality and play.

Unemployed or under-employed this is a time when some people may consider using their time and limited dollars towards educational upgrading. In a competitive job market this may seem like a logical step, but before you take that leap there are a few things I would like to share.

Many clients have sat in front of me placing their head in their hands after spending money on an education that did not yield the desired employment. Though the problem could be from a lack of proper job search, it also may be that they did not ask the right questions before heading back to school.

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