Archive for the ‘Self-Esteem’ Category

Do you know anyone who seems to be perpetually in a state of chaos? That somebody who constantly spreads their negative energy around; infecting everyone who comes within ear shot of their latest drama. Yes, there are drama Queens and Kings everywhere.

The following statement resonated with me the first time I heard it…“Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”  I heard this through an interview Oprah was doing with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor who after having a stroke, suffered severe cognitive and motor skills damage. In the hospital, where she lay, she could not talk with others but she could feel peoples energy. Out of that experience and her subsequent eight year recovery came the realization of just how powerful our own energy is.

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Moving toward healing -

Are you in a place where the questions are greater than the answers?

Are you feeling depression is slowly taking over your life?

Are you dealing with a fear that won’t let you go?

Are you reliving a trauma with seemingly no escape from a stream of memories and feelings?

These are only a few of the reasons why people seek the help of professional counselling and most people, from my experience, use this resource as a last resort. It is in our nature to want to fix things ourselves and we often have learned by example what techniques we might use. Employing supposed coping strategies that seemed from the outside to work quite well but when the same feelings or experiences return we are left to realize “this ain’t working.” We are all good at finding distractions, blaming others, believing we are strong enough to handle this alone or we simply pull the sheets over our heads and ride it out. Some people use alcohol, prescription and illegal drugs or other forms of abuse in order to divert temporarily from reality. All of these things are short term fixes to a larger problem.

There comes a time when we need to realize we are too close to the situation and that the counsel of someone who is objective will be valuable.  This person may be a Counsellor, Psychologist, Specialized Therapist, Psychiatrist or Social Worker. No doubt, it can be a very uncomfortable or fearful prospect; calling someone and saying “I need help.” However, it really is about feeling the fear and doing it anyway because making that call is our first step toward freedom. By releasing ourselves from the burden of carrying the problems on our own and clearing the clutter, there is far more greater chance that the answers we seek have room to surface.

Within in my own life I have used the services of others to help me make sense of the seemingly impossible tangle of thoughts, situations and memories. I also refer clients, friends and family members to counselling resources when I feel it is appropriate. This is an important gift to give someone because as much as we would like to be the sounding board, sometimes issues are outside of our expertise and we could cause more harm than good.  Whether personally or professionally our egos can make us think we can fix the issue but what most often happens is that we take the proverbial same actions expecting different results.

We all have times in our life when we have to take a leap of faith that someone may be able to help us see something we can’t. All that we need to learn is stored away and it is a counsellors job to help you get to the answers and move toward healing. Check with your doctor for referrals, phone a health center in your community, check directories or associations. Counselling BC offers resources for people living in British Columbia. Also, I have recently met through networking a wonderful woman by the name of Karen Laskey who offers Counselling and Hypnotherapy services. Check out her website for further information.

Finding the right person to work with you may take time but it’s worth it. Free yourself and let your story rise to the surface to guide you through all the trials and tribulations of life!

A recent conversation with someone reminded me how many people struggle to have an authentic relationship with their parent or parents. Do you have the parent you wanted? or Do you have expectations that were never fulfilled? It seems that hurt feelings and heat of the moment rants can carry forward and in this case is placing a burden on everyone who is close to the situation.

As I progressed through our talk I remembered my own struggle to let go of the parent I wanted and see that parent I had. It was a road traveled with the help of a good therapist early in my adult life; after I had left home. I was out there beginning a new chapter but what I was reading was the same book I had read a thousand times over. I felt cheated, I did not want a relationship with my parent and I carried a lot of anger.

I wore the memories like a badge depicting survival. I cried out the questions that started with “Why?” or “Why not?” I combed through every piece of evidence that my parent wasn’t right until I exhausted myself. I gained small victories in the beginning just by voicing my feelings but over time I came to realize the depth of my pain and anguish was harming me. I was leaving the door open for more of the same to come my way and I was just plain tired.

There came a point when words of wisdom were imparted that allowed me to see another side. I could spend my life pining for the parent I wanted growing up or I could let go, forgive and see the parent that stands before me now. From that point onward I made a concerted effort to recognize the person behind that “parent” title and practice forgiveness and compassion. I came to see that my parents did the best they could…they really did. Each came with a set of upbringing and circumstances of their own that they needed to navigate and as such we were all growing up together.

The questions became “How long am I willing to carry all of this?”— “Do I really want to spend my life looking backwards rehashing where I came from instead of where I’m going?”— “Is there anything that my parent could say that would erase it all?”— The answers came back NO, NO and NO, I’m not willing to carry this all of my life! In that moment I was freer than I had ever been. I saw my parent in a whole new light. I began a relationship that lasts to this day with an understanding this person grew and so did I.

We don’t get to pick our parents and we all have an image of what we believe they should be. Relationships in general  are like that… full of unrealized dreams and wonderful surprises. We have a choice to forgive, we have an opportunity to learn and we have chance to move forward. We can see them as works in progress and grant them ability to live their life accordingly. We can set boundaries and recognize our own triggers and we can choose to engage or walk away. We can set aside the preconceived notion that they could have been anything than what they were/are.

At some point, most parents deserve a pass. Only those that have been severely neglectful may not receive that courtesy. I believe it is important to talk to someone outside the family to gain clarity on your feelings and then I think there comes a time when one needs trust their own judgement.

The truest of connections can only come through invitation and what I discovered was the invite didn’t need to be extended to the other person but more importantly to myself.

“I invite you to be free and to know that you make the call as to whether this hurt will continue to travel down your life path. I invite you to note that your parent is as flawed as you are. I invite you to accept that your parent is having experiences that are just as meaningful to their evolution as yours are to you.  I invite you to be at peace.”

If there was a statement I hear most often from people it is “I want to find my purpose, I want to know, What is my purpose?”

There are points in life where we can become sensitive to our life and career positioning. Usually beginning with some conflict on the job or comparison to others in life but none-the-less what is initially a whisper becomes a loud ongoing internal conversation about purpose. Eventually, it gets vocalized to those close to us and then to anyone who may be able to help find what that purpose is.

Over the years I have felt this quest for “purpose” has become even stronger in my clients and lately I have been questioning, “Why?” I”m not sure I know fully what the answer is but I have observed and explored some interesting connections.

Over the centuries “purpose” for many was pre-designed you were essentially assigned your place in life and work. Even if one had a thought of doing something else it would either not be uttered, for fear of going against the establishment, or if you did speak up, you would have quickly realized few cared what you thought. It could be hard to find someone willing to help you change your path. Later generations started to move away from this idea that anyone would dictate who or what they would be and instead sought recognition and acceptance for their own pursuits.

In some cultures, coming of age ceremonies might have assisted one to realize their purpose; resulting in over-seeing the spiritual or practical well-being of their family or people. We have very little left in western culture that would provide an opening for us to be so ceremoniously in tune with our purpose. In fact, the daily interference of important ventures and so-called mundane tasks of living have been blamed for our inability to hear even a pang of purpose.

Sometimes what is confused as “finding my purpose” is actually in part the pursuit of status. Being regarded as an expert has fast become the désir d’aujourd’hui (desire of today) whereby in a sea of multi-talented people and competition, one seeks to be noticed. It is not so much the career or life purpose that has been full-filled so much as the ego has been rewarded. Soon after the questions arises yet again, “What is my purpose in life?”

It seemed to me that in answering any questions about finding our purpose that there would be some finality in the answer. We would be saved from the torment of not knowing (or seeming not to know) and go on from there happily living what we were intended to do. Then I had to ask “Has life and career ever been what we intended?“

After years of trying to define what I referred to as purpose and knowing that it was part of a larger journey, I finally found some clarity recently in a quote from Joseph Campbell. From the book “The Power of Myth” with Bill Moyers, Mr. Campbell offered this:

Just sheer life cannot be said to have a purpose, because look at all the different purposes it has all over the place. But each incarnation, you might say, has a potentiality, and the mission of life is to live that potentiality. How do you do it? My answer is, “Follow your bliss.”  There’s something inside you that knows when you’re in the center, that knows when you’re on the beam or off the beam.  And if you get off the beam to earn money, you’ve lost your life.  And if you stay in the center and don’t get any money, you still have your bliss.

Campbell goes on to quote Karlfried Graf Durckheim to add to his point, “When you’re on a journey, and the end keeps getting further and further away, then you realize that the real end is the journey.”

While toiling over the questions surrounding “our purpose” we forget that we are a living example of the human potential. That both life and career allows us to take the journey and open up to multiple possiblities. There is no finality in that, in the sense that if I find my purpose I will be this or that; I am already! 

So, the question becomes less about “What is my purpose?” and more about “What is my potential?”

To me, that sounds far more exciting, forward moving and ultimately a better use of time in this body, with this mind.

I was inspired by someone who reminded me how powerful expectations can be; both internal and external. Many of us grow up with messages that set the tone for how we view ourselves as it relates to appearance, our roles in family and relationships, our career or educational path, our place in society. Guided by the messages we make decisions that may be (or may not be) appropriate for us. Sometimes, we can become debilitated by the constant barrage of opinions that are truly not our own.

Handed down to us, these messages are most always soaked in expectations for our journey and if we do not fulfill them there is a true sense that we are letting someone down, if not ourselves. It can be a heavy burden to bare as the soul battles to tell the other story. That other story is what “we” know to be true. The message that was sent with us designed to be our road map through life. When we ache to find our way and begin to feel a sense of detachment from our own existence I believe it is because we can’t hear what the heart is trying to say.

Sometimes when I sit in a room with another person I see that struggle. I hear the voice with the message; the voice that wants to give all the answers that person is seeking. It is as if there are two people in front of me, one that tells the current life story and one that holds the original script. Their struggle is based on the missing pieces, which they know on some level, but they just can’t hear that very personal voice. Instead they revert back to what others think, feel and do because the belief is “they must know best.” They often do not.

We can never live up to expectations that were created for the sole purpose of assigning our place. A defined box that contains little of the original message. Expectations defined by family, relationship, culture or gender are often not healthy. The power that is exuded by one person’s expectation of another can change our whole perception of self and life. If it is a positive expectation that is mutually welcomed it propels us forward, if it is negative from the beginning or becomes so over time, it may stop us in our tracks.

A beautiful soul sat before me and I felt great when she stayed with the process that took her closer to hearing her own message. When she gave herself permission to go there, to enjoy the moment of being who she is without judgement it was breath taking. Fleeting moments when the obligations and expectations dropped away long enough for her voice and power to emerge triumphant. She was beautiful and connecting as it should be, as she wanted. I want her to realize this: “You were noticed, you do matter and what you are doing for yourself is courageous and admired.” You matter, as a mother, as a spouse, as a daughter, as sister, as a colleague, as a citizen and above all else as a WOMAN! Brought into the world with everything needed to survive and thrive.

Thank you, it was an honor to meet you.

One of the joys of my life right now is writing. There is so much in life to explore and write about, I’m so excited! I have been fortunate to dabble in the world of writing since I was a kid and have kept my poetry book full of youthful musings and reflections . I still have one little poem I wrote at the tender age of six that the teacher proudly put up on the wall for others to see. Very small indeed since my language and printing skills were still developing but dare I say, thoughtful.

My art work never made the wall of anything, other than my mother’s willingness to showcase my talents around the home. I can’t draw, unless stick people count and to this day nobody wants me on their team for a spirited game of Pictionary. I flunked (and got kicked out of) sewing class in junior high school, even though I thought my stuffed penguin was a work of art. Wrapping presents creatively remains a challenge, that is why I love gift bags and tissue paper and if you want properly arranged flowers give me extended time to consult Martha Stewart’s Arranging Flowers book.

My mother was a highly talented and widely known singer in her time, who after giving up her career to immigrate and raise children made it her goal to instill the love of music and singing into her children. Singing in front of a large or small audience was as natural as could be; though we didn’t always want to be on display. It was a talent I took for granted but choir, drama and talent shows were fun.

Dance and sports were also joys of mine which took up all my weeks. It was a busy schedule between training and competition but when I look back now I feel so fortunate to have been given these opportunities. The dance styles I learned were numerous and when I reflect back on some of those costumes I think “Wow, the seventies were really bad for fashion.”

Soccer was my dream sport and running long distance. I could run forever; put a ball in front of my feet and I felt the freedom and passion welling up inside me. (still do)

I do remember there were a couple of sports that weren’t my thing though, baseball was one of them. Great at running for the bases not so good at hitting the ball far.  Basketball, not that keen. I remember once grabbing onto the ball to take it away from an amazon of a girl, unfortunately she did not let go. Instead she proceeded to fling me to the side like a rag doll, I’m not sure but I may have been temporary attached to the ball while she was running. Note to self: grow a few more inches and you might belong in this game.

Blogging has taken my creative drive in a different direction, I’m pleased with the venue and the exercising of my brain. Recently, one of my blog posts Internet – Its Role in Victimization was syndicated on BlogHer. That was such a wonderful surprise as I respect the site tremendously and all it provides to our community of bloggers. As I develop my writing further I am inspired by so many.

You may notice down the side of my page a role call, as it were, of other bloggers/writers who equally explore their passions, life and talents. I encourage you to get acquainted with others who have similar interests to yours. Try something new or re-imagine something you have been doing for years. Build up your confidence as I am trying to do. I may not be the best at everything I have tried, but the point was to challenge myself, even if that required somebody to push me from behind. There are so many talented people whose expectation is to enjoy the process… so go I and hopefully so go you.

(In a shout out to a tireless promoter of others work, (and thanks for your mention) please check out Scully Love Promo on my blogroll links. You will love Christine’s reviews, especially if you are a book lover)

How do you feel about somebody receiving a promotion when clearly they didn’t deserve it?

This person or persons can’t communicate effectively, consistently doesn’t complete their projects on time or does a substandard job. They have little understanding of the mission, most of the time you see them playing catch up with the help of other staff and yet they get a promotion and an increase in pay. They can barely read, can’t spell, their math skills are non-existent and they have done nothing to warrant a promotion other than show up.

You and most of your other colleagues have fully grasped the fundamentals of your positions, seek additional training to boost your contribution and feel confident in your abilities.  However, that doesn’t matter because everyone is treated the same and the goal is to be shielded from criticism or damaged self esteem. Everyone is free to move up the ladder even if they were truly attempting to be better at their job but couldn’t grasp the position. They still were able to land right in the same position as you or even surpassed that position.

This is the state of an educational system that embraces social promotion. Afraid that little Johnny’s or Joanie’s self esteem will be destroyed it appears necessary to pass them through the school system despite the fact they have not completed the class requirements. Fearing criticism will sink Joanie’s confidence level, we’ll keep telling her that she has not failed but simply postponed her success. She can make it up next time, not to worry.

Johnny gets points just for being in class, he has a choice as to whether he will pay attention or not, he has been able to make his own choices since he was two and half years old.  Joanie had three out of ten questions right on her exam; she received a positive comment from her teacher which made her feel so good about her effort. It is not important that she or he learns it is important that he/she feels good about who they are. Johnny is graduating next year he doesn’t feel good about his job prospects and he has had difficulty filling out the job applications.

These were real examples of what is happening in today’s parental/academic world.

I do not subscribe to the philosophy that one is damaged by hearing criticism in fact I would encourage it. Knowing how to hear, accept and learn from criticism is important in the business world. The new age self esteem movement has blown things way out of proportion, it no longer resembles the true definitions associated with self esteem building. Everything is based on outside sources so the likelihood of self awareness is almost non-existent.

Maybe in a parents world and now in the schools, little Johnny is so “special”, but when he comes to work for a company the competition is tight. That is another downfall, the removal of competition. What a lame idea that was, to make every kid think he/she is automatically a winner. In real life there are winners and losers. By losing we learn more about ourselves, can face challenges head on which in turn makes us stronger. It is important to have something to strive for personally and professionally and it is extremely boring to think that an A can be obtained or a gold medal received by everyone no matter what they do!

Teaching children and making them accountable to someone and/or something is not cruel, it is validating. It is a true disservice when a parent or the system itself promotes a child knowing full well they are undeserving of the step forward. Do we truly think that child is not aware they are unprepared? How do they learn to feel the joy of true achievement when it is not expected? Why is it that we can give less but always want more?

Has the age of entitlement with its backlash against criticism and discipline gone to far?

I have worked with employers who have seen some challenges in employing youth. More often than not I received calls from employers because of poor attitudes on the job; the employee felt what they were asked to do was beneath them. I witnessed disrespectful language thrown back at  an employer when they provided constructive criticism. Countless stories of young women and men who can’t do basic tasks because they were never expected to do so in their own homes or in school,  so why expect them to do so on the job. Many employers felt the frustration of hiring youth because they always wanted to receive more money and bonuses without having been there long enough to warrant the increase. In other words they wanted a promotion without earning it.

Social promotion in my estimation doesn’t help a person’s self esteem and it doesn’t prepare them for a healthy, successful future. It places some parents in the position to have to fight to keep their child back knowing fully well they are not ready for the next grade. It places teachers who are opposed to it in a position to go with the status quo by inflating grades or knowingly passing a child who has not obtained the knowledge necessary to meet future requirements. It places the child in the position of being ill prepared for adult life and learning which I have seen time and time again with my own clients.

In order to be competitive in the world we must demand more from our educational system. Just because Johnny or Joanie graduates doesn’t mean she/he deserved too. It could be a case of passing along the problem and hoping it will all work out in the end. There are no winners in that game and I know as I’m am the recipient of passing grades in Math without ever having fully understood most of the lessons. It wasn’t till I graduated that I realized that was a bum deal.

Yes, you know it, can’t help but sound the trumpet, bang the drum, toot the horn join everyone with a big CONGRATULATIONS! to our women athletes. Can you believe it? They are wearing more Gold, Silver and Bronze than the male competitors….13 out of 17 medals won by these sports women.

I know, I’m on the gender bandwagon, but its me. If you want something else go to a gender neutral blog post. I’m celebrating women and sports!!

At the end of the year maybe Squire Barnes (Global TV Sports) will see fit to highlight their achievements. (still peeved about his lack of female representation) Can’t get around this one, these women are cleaning up and enjoying the results of their intense training and dedication to sports.

Yesterday, I watched as our women’s hockey team took the Gold. Today, there is some griping about them celebrating with champagne and beer on the ice after the ceremonies, whatever! Joannie Rochette, a figure skater was inspiring to watch, in the face of so much personal tragedy she still managed to achieve her goal and made everyone extremely proud. The fact that she was still competing was enough for us all, to see her skate so beautifully was remarkable. Our hearts opened with compassion in learning about her mother’s passing and then sang with her achievement. Clara Hughes, she sets the bar even higher as she has won medals for cycling and speed skating in both the winter and summer Olympics. Add in a famous Jennifer moment - Jennifer Heil the freestyle skier enjoys the nations praise with her silver medal. It’s all good!

There are more women to list here but maybe at the end of it all I will compile the list of names and raise a toast to womankind. Why?….because we in North America have been accepted into the sports world (though there is room for improvement, I’ll leave out referencing battles here) but there are women in many other countries that are still struggling to get started. Funding/support for women sports in many parts of Europe still lags behind and imagine what it is like for other less developed countries. Interest  abounds but support does not. By seeing what women can do, it may open the doors for the younger generation to pursue their dreams of enjoying a sport, representing their team or even standing on an Olympic podium.

These women serve as inspiration, role models and hope.  They are clearly worth the investment. I’m happy for all the world athletes male and female but as always get myself just a little higher when I see women breaking records and exceeding expectations.  For all the women athletes well in our past; that risked all, put up with countless stupid comments, were segregated and sometimes humiliated, pursued the dream and designed the team…Vancouver’s 2010 Olympics shows your efforts to open the door was worth it!

Babe Didrikson Zaharius was my role model when I was growing up. I saw one film about her and never forgot her name. She inspired me to run and for many years I enjoyed long distance running and many other sports. Check out the following to learn more about this great Olympian.

target="_blank">Babe Didrikson

Lose 100 pounds of stress fat, Body after Baby, How she lost the weight after pregnancy, Curb your cravings, Flat Sexy Abs, Your hormones your weight…shall I go on or are you already sucking in the stomach muscles and gearing up for the gym.

The minute you stand in a checkout the eye can’t help but scan the magazine covers. If not reading the latest headline about Brad and Angelina or the sex lives of the chronically relationship disabled, we are most likely catching a glimpse of what the body could look like if we did……something.

Wading in the sea of bikini wearing, air brushed stars and models I couldn’t help but laugh inside about the irony of loading our carts with food only to get a dose of why not to have bought most of it in the first place. Maybe the trick is to use the time wisely as you enter the aisles of doom.

I have some ideas for the next visit on how we can go from passive shopper to workout wonder!

1. After properly sanitizing the handle on your cart (yuk!) grip it hard and release, grip hard and release, repeat… do at least 3 reps of ten.

2. In the vegetable section, with bag in hand, lunge toward the back of the fruit and vegetable sections with a strong reach. Lift back leg slightly off the floor and reach forward. Not only will you get a stretch into the leg and arms but the freshest fruits and vegetables are placed at the back anyway.

3. Squat down, tighten that butt as you reach to the lower shelf for that can of green beans. Just doing a quick bend over doesn’t cut it, feel those buns contract and release as you squat for each item.

4. If your laundry soap comes in a plastic container with a handle, do three quick bicep curls per arm.

5. This is more of resistance training….avoid the cake aisle. Realize the happy wishes and icing colours are just trying to draw you in, resist I say. Take that opportunity to tighten the abs and release, tighten, release.

It is important to realize that all those supposedly happy, weightless, tanned, perky breasted, wrinkle free, washboard abs, buns of steel, yummy mommies and models are not much different than the rest of us. Except, they have a good plastic surgeon, an overpaid physical trainer, in house chef or the finances to buy better, magnified body image pressure, good technology  to air brush the flaws and enhance the appeal, the best hair, expensive makeup to cover everything, regular spa treatments and a wardrobe stylist so they don’t have to think about what to wear.  Other than all of that they are just like the rest of us.

Maybe it would be fun to explore what it would be like if magazines were covering men:

Lose that beer gut, From couch bum to tight buns, Exercise your way back into that Speedo (OK, bad visual), Minding your midlife spread, Burn off those sympathy pregnancy pounds, Lose your remote control lose weight, How to perk up your pecs.    —- Of course each magazine would have the tanned twenty something year old guy on the cover.

I’m not mocking being healthy that is good, but it is even better to be a great human being. So, here are the tags for my mock magazine:

You don’t need flat abs to accomplish your goals

Size only matters if you let it

Fake anything is just that, “fake” - finding your authentic self

The minute your born you’re dying - fighting age is a waste of energy

Live life in the temple you were given.

So, next time we all walk into that store, cruise the aisles and get spit out at the other end for a walk down body image lane; take a deep breath and know you don’t have to buy what their selling.

target="_blank">Dove Evolution

What was your first job and what did it teach you?

The first job we have is such a profound marker in life, a coming of age moment. The cutting of the chord, as it were, from our parents and a real indicator life is about to be very different. I have had many conversations with people about their first job and by virtue of being a career counselor/coach I have also been present at an individuals first leap into the world of work. What always intrigues me is how we get started and how we progress from those humble beginnings.

My first job was in retail. Working for one of the largest and most popular jean company Bootlegger. It was initially a challenge for me as I wasn’t always comfortable with pressure sales and up-selling; it felt a little like I was pushing the limits of trust between customer and clerk. What got me past my reservations was the all important first pay cheque, in addition to keeping a roof over my head and food in my stomach. Fresh out of high school and now independent it became an essential quality to look at the bigger picture as there was nobody else to blame if I failed to pay my rent.  I quickly learned that money wasn’t everything, there was more to a job and paycheque than meets the eye.

Many very famous people had some less than glamorous jobs but important starts. Gwen Stefani from the group No Doubt worked at Dairy Queen cleaning the floors. Kirstie Alley known for her role on the hit television show Cheers was a housekeeper; in an interview with Oprah she shared her knowledge of the best ways to clean a home. Barbara Walters was a secretary in an office before she began her career in journalism. Queen Latifah who has made her mark as a singer and actor worked at Burger King. Suze Orman the financial guru worked as a waitress. In fact, there were many cooks, waitresses, retail clerks and secretaries. Maya Angelou the brilliant poet and writer started out similarly but one interesting note was the distinction of being the first black female streetcar conductor in San Francisco.

What did my first job teach me? I certainly understood more about my values and developed skills I previously didn’t know I had. I used the word trust earlier when describing my interaction with customers, but really it was the importance of placing myself in other peoples’ shoes. Whether somebody came to me to get an honest opinion on buying an item or for advice the lesson I concluded was to be authentic. Fake just doesn’t cut it. I also now empathize with those that serve others as I know what it’s like being behind the counter.

Here are some other important things learned:

1.Strong work ethic: by working hard, pushing through challenge, putting in the time and showing willingness to learn, many doors can open.

2.Validation: I liked Kirstie speaking about being validated for her contribution as the housekeeper. She was able to take pride in her work and know that it was important and the skills obtained would be used many times in life. She shared “It gave me a vision for my own home.”

3. Making average great: Suze Orman profoundly remarked about how being a waitress helped her discover happiness. She stated “I learned that when you make average great, your dreams can become a reality.”

4. Perspective:  The first job can give you perspective. Life up to that point has been fairly structured and blinders were firmly attached. The first job opens us up the opportunity to find deeper meaning and understanding about self and others.

5. The Journey: None of the famous people noted or anyone I know had instantaneous success. Contrary to popular belief we don’t get to become CEO overnight. Starting at the bottom and working our way up has a lot of benefits. Maybe the pocket book is lighter but the experience and exposure to what and who can make a big difference is the long term gain.

6. Mentors Matter: Mentors are truly the unsung hero’s in our career development. The biggest impact on our professional lives whether youth or adult can often be found in a person who took the time to see the potential.

7. Money isn’t everything: Though there are famous women and men who have enjoyed huge success and now live life comfortably financially, it wasn’t the pursuit of the next dollar that got them there. Finding the joy, listening to the right people, setting goals and working hard brings us closer to the life we want.

Here’s something else from the book of Jennifer

- Nobody owes us nothing but if we trace backward we may find we owe someone something. It is usually gratitude for their wisdom, patience and willingness to take a chance on us. With naivety firmly intact we begin the career path. It doesn’t matter whether you are selling jeans, flipping burgers, wearing work boots or a hair net there is learning in everything we do. Nothing is beneath us except solid ground in which to start building upon.

What did your first job teach you?