Archive for the ‘Self-Esteem’ Category

Communication, Relationships, Abundance, Self Esteem, Empowerment and Self Awareness.

What if you had the opportunity to obtain a better understanding of yourself through personal exercises, all from the comfort of your own home or office? I recently had the great fortune to talk with Sheila Radha Conrad about Life Mastery Skills, a program she has developed and offers through her website.

I was amazed how much information and support was provided on the site including free exercises to assist anyone who wishes to begin their journey inward. Upon speaking with Sheila Radha Conrad, I knew why she had chosen this route to reach people. This is a woman with an extensive background in Counselling Psychology; her wisdom runs deep and her spirit is generous, as you will see in the following excerpts from our conversation.

I really enjoyed your website and the exercises you provided. Can you tell us more about Life Mastery Skills?

Life Mastery Skills allows people to develop the practice of going inside to access their inner wisdom and their inner knowing. Usually, if we have a problem we go outside of ourselves to get the information that will help us, but this is how to go inside. Because, within each of us we really do know the answers once we learn how to access it. I’m sure because you have done this for so many years, you know that the secret is knowing the right question.

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Too much recession talk, is there anyone out there thinking positively about the near future?

The word “recession” is getting attached to almost everything in life. “Recession proof your marriage”, “Recession recipes”, “Recession fashion”, “Recession protection for your job”, recession, recession, recession! Ahhhhh!

The word itself is making money for anyone who can work it in to their portfolio. As long as we have an audience who bathes in the doom and gloom, the Internet and TV  will be primed for any bad news. People scanning for information on how to protect themselves from what is here and coming, they will awake to “recession” everyday.

“Depression”, is also bantered around. This word has a whole other power; debilitating, the end of the world type power. The vision of black and white pictures begin rolling, previously only seen in history books or movies, are now shown with regularity to feed the appetite of doom seekers. 

Breaking News: The dawn of the new and improved Great Depression. We will be better at it than our predecessors as we have more to lose.

Stop already!

There are services available that were not available in previous times. Crime is not rampant and unemployment is not at its all time worst. If you want to arm yourself with anything, it is a good support network and turn off the doomsday forecasters. Try to replace the word “recession” with the words we used to attach to our daily life challenges.

* My fashion choices are thrifty and stylish.

* My recipes are good for more than one meal and freeze well.

* My marriage is important to me, we’ve chosen to maintain healthy communication,”for better or for worse.”

I don’t need to keep up with Joneses and never really wanted to. I didn’t need most of what I have purchased over the last few years, I just wanted it. This is a unique opportunity to learn lessons I may have missed before.

Build up your self esteem with solid networking, help your self and others by changing your language right now, move away from the word “recession”. Put on the good news and turn off the bad. I’m not asking you to bury your head in the sand, but its easier to get clarity if your mind isn’t being bombarded by negative messages. Talk the right talk and you will walk the right walk.

The first lady Michelle Obama had a lot of focus on her while her husband  President Obama attended the G20 summit. A friend of mine who lives in England and I were talking about the coverage of her visit. She sent me a link to an article that spoke about a visit Michelle Obama made to Islington’s Elizabeth Garrett Anderson Language College.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2009/apr/05/michelle-obama-school-london

The speech she gave really appeared to resonate with the students, I especially enjoyed both the power in the message and the simplicity of the language. All too often politicians or their representatives tend to speak too much and say very little of value or they clumsily dance through the photo op and leave the site soon after. This was not the case. Michelle Obama, by all accounts, was very present and her words gave a glimpse of the girl in the woman, memories from her own years as a student.

More importantly she inspired the girls attending that school. That is exciting to me; one, five, ten or 100 more girls feeling good about themselves, affirming the importance of their own education, caring about today and looking optimistically toward their future!

Empowerment is a beautiful thing.

Have you ever felt like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole? Have you had times when you thought, “I must be speaking a foreign language because this person is just not understanding me.” Have you ever just wanted to throw up your hands and say “alright already I will conform to your ideal of who I should be” because it is so much easier than feeling like an alien on your own planet. Well I have, and it is only by the grace of friendship that I got through one of those days just fine.

I had such an interesting experience recently, whereby in one day three of my friends unknownst to each other, all sent powerful messages of friendship to me via email. One friend wrote powerful words celebrating our friendship, words so beautiful that I had tears rolling down my cheeks. One whose words in loving simplicity helped me feel good about “dancing to my own music” and the last friend sent inspired pictures and messages that let me know I was in her thoughts.  In one morning I was showered with reminders how much I value my friends, they truly love me for who I am. None of them knew the day I had been experiencing, but each of them changed it from a negative to a positive.

Valued friendships are cultivated, nurtured over time and we need those relationships. Trapped in our own self importance we provide little to those around us, but with the willingness to open our true self to others we just may gain a friend. My good fortune is that I have a few very great friends in my life and it is times when I am gasping for air that they provide the oxygen.

So, who are those people for you? Speak their name!

The person or person’s that never make you question who you are or why you think the way you do. The friends that hold your heart carefully and understand the moments in which they need to step up on your behalf. Talk to me about the friends that though time can pass and miles may separate you, the conversation picks up as if it never stopped.

For no other reason than possibly that our souls connect, can I explain a day where I was fully supported and made to feel special without seeing any of my dear friends physically in front of me. Friends are to be valued and I value each of mine deeply.

Rihanna abused by her boyfriend and many are stunned!

Here is my confession, up until this story broke I did not know who either Rihanna or Chris Brown were. What I do know is with “reported” stats indicating 1 and 4 women (and girls) have been victims of abuse, Rihanna’s case is not unique.  The truth is violence against women has been condoned throughout history, even as we live in the year 2009, it is firmly intact. Though awareness has grown about the problems we as a society face from its existence, and laws are enacted in most parts of the world, the fact is that abuse remains.

I have worked extensively with women who have been victims of sexual assault and partner assault. The victims of assault are from all social, economic and cultural backgrounds. Famous or not the cycle of abuse is very powerful, Rihanna is revolving around in it right now and people seem to want answers.

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Recently, I had the opportunity to speak to the issue of motherhood and careers. Caitlin Crawshaw who writes for the Edmonton Journal and Canwest, among other publications, tackled this issue in a series of articles published across Canada. (See links below)

No matter how many interviews I have done, I always find it hard. The questions arise: Am I going to quoted properly or edited to death? Is the message clear or convoluted? If they take my picture will I be having a good hair day?

In this case the articles were interesting, the quotes were good overall, the information valuable, but the pictures had me running to my hair stylist and taking a hard look in the mirror. The dreaded up-shot, big desk in front of my body, in one shot where I look more expansive through the middle I had to question whether I was pregnant, and what is up with the photo quality…my hair! Yes, I admit it, my vanity was awakened. This is running across Canada, it is on the net, there are people who haven’t seen me in ages who might open that page and do a double take. OH THE VANITY OF IT ALL!

My Mum called to let me know I was in the Vancouver Sun paper. Her partner, who has known me for almost thirty years, religiously perusing his paper every day flipped to the Working page and said, “hey there is a woman on here that looks sort of like Jennifer”. I said, “so how is the article?” She says “well the article is good, but your picture…well?” Not a good sign when your own mother has to temporarily forget the quality of the written word and give the impression something really bad has happened. Of course, it is eventually followed by the positive spin on the merits of the article itself.

This was a worthwhile piece to explore, the series and the information provided by various women and experts was important. I always feel privileged to participate in any discussion that results in all of our learning and provides well needed support to others.

I have also learned another valuable lesson; if it feels wrong, speak your mind. The lighting the was off, the up-shot is never flattering and I generally don’t stay behind my desk when speaking with my clients, I like to sit face to face whenever I can, I could have moved to the chairs. The photographer asked that I look up and pretend like I am talking to somebody, I’m bad at faking that stuff… face began to flush. I’m so bad at the pretending that I had to call in a colleague to help me pretend, I’m so thankful for Penny.

It is all in good fun that I write this side of my experience, and it is no way that I want to belittle the hard work of Caitlin and the articles. It was well worth it and lending my voice is a pleasure. I have taken the time to vent on behalf of my ego, and I was reassured with a story Caitlin provided of her own photo horror story. I love to find the humour and I have arrived there without exception. Check out the links to the series, I hope it helps women with their career and family aspirations.

Baby time or time to get ahead

Baby versus career

Get ducks in a row before starting mat leave

Pregnant? Help your office prepare

Mental preparation required to return to work

Today I wondered, what happens when I Google the words “woman” and “man”?

When I Googled Man I received Wikipedia’s definition of Man first on the list, next was something on metropolitan area networks, Mans Group: foremost industrial players in transport related engineering, Weedman, Spider Man and various other mainly industry/career related hits. No side bar with any links or related searches directing me to various other sites.

Then I Googled the word Woman. The first thing I see is pictures of women, supposedly fun and sexy including one with her legs up in the air lying on a bed (no explicit nudity). Wikipedia was up next, then a site to meet Russian women for mail order brides, farther down the list is businesses and organizations for women.

Interestingly, down the side bar is a whole lot of direction towards sites, especially if you want to meet “naughty woman”, “sexy Ukranian or Asian girls” and apparently “what every woman wants from her man, a thicker, harder”….well you get the picture. On the subsequent pages you will find more businesses, support, magazines and the like for women, but I couldn’t help but reflect on the initial difference .

I kept hitting “Next” when Googling Man and came up with nothing explicit or hyper sexualized and still no related search tags at the bottom. But, Woman kept on receiving its share of related search tags, girls, hot woman, playboy, woman worship, woman quotes etc. Type in girls and you will hit the mother load, no pictures of actual girls, but of woman in more of their “girls gone wild” poses.

It is one of those observations I just wanted to share. I’m not sure what it means, but I could not help but feel that the translation was, a little less reverence for “woman” than “man“.

Despite what I observed, I still like the word “Woman”. It is beautiful, especially when you repeat it a few times, try it…it seems powerful in its structure, spiritual in its nature and grounded in its truth. It is worth repeating and it is better to do a search from within, as the sites you will find there are far more impressive.

I have just finished speaking to my dear friend Lise. As some of you might know she is also known as Chemo Woman, a superhero in the fight against cancer. However, I see more in her than the daily battle with the treatment she is receiving. I see what is evident in this picture which was taken earlier in 2008.

Look at that smile! Among all the attributes that Lise has there are three things I always thought was cool about her, great smile, she is photogenic and this woman was known for her legs. (Insert Rod Stewart’s Hot Legs song)

Now, she has been my friend since we were thirteen and many things have changed over that time, except those three things. You may wonder why am I focusing on that, well because I know that when she reads this, she will get a chuckle. I am coming clean, I envied my friend’s smile, photogenic face and legs.

This is a time when her body is doing some crazy things while it processes a chemical cocktail. I can assure you, without giving away any of our secrets, this is the worst cocktail she has had in her body. I love the fact that all women friends out there may realize the depth of our relationship. We are the keepers of so much information as it pertains to our women friends and some of it will remain between us and others things are fair game for disclosure.

We are counting down the weeks till this dance with treatment is over and when it is done we will throw a big party, with food and cocktails more befitting a celebration. I suggest she wears a skirt, flashes that big smile so we can have her grace yet another photo album or frame.

Hang in there my dear friend.

Do you ever have something that keeps presenting itself to you and finally you decide to look at it closer? I have had that experience many times and now I’m going to open it up.

I have met a lot of people over the years, it has been an honor and a blessing to share in their lives. Some come with extensive experience and education, others moderate to little. Some from financial privilege, others from poverty. Interesting and profound stories told, lives so full sometimes I could barely take in anymore.

In the circle of business I have worked along side people with pretty impressive backgrounds, some wear that like a crown around their head, others don’t feel the need to advertise. There have been so many conversations that have inspired me and some that bore me to tears. I find that particularly so of people who have spent most of their time educating themselves and not enough time living beyond the books. When I have to listen to one more “academic” blow hard speak (those individuals that weave in their credentials no matter what the topic) I am reminded of a woman whose intelligence and inspiration impressed me more than any MA or PhD ever could.

She sat in my classroom, enrolled in a course for people who were going through a career transition, she had worked for most of her life as a caregiver. I will call her “Joy”. Now in her fifties Joy found herself no longer employed because the agency that she worked for had implemented a new standard of education and certification, a standard she did not meet. She loved her occupation and could not fathom what was happening so late in her life.

The manager that took over the agency/facility, came from a high academic background and made that quite clear to everyone. He felt that all staff should be at a higher level of education and all those that are not must be let go immediately.  Maybe this was necessary, but the way in which this manager handled this woman was not. Joy felt belittled, she was belittled through comments made by her superior, and her self worth plummeted. All of this transpired because despite Joy’s years of experience and a related certification, she had a grade four level education and what was being proposed for her upgrade was way beyond her abilities.

So, how did she get her certification in the first place? Well, she had a sister who helped her with the reading and study, her memory was excellent and most tests were completed verbally, some written. She knew her stuff, she just couldn’t read or write it fast enough.

You see this woman came from a rural community in Alberta, Canada. A large family meant that only the boys were educated, though her sister later went on to further education. Joy was relegated to helping at the home and caring for family members. This provided the back drop for her eventual career as an in home and care home support worker.

Over the three days I had Joy in my classroom her wonderful personality emerged. I also watched her struggle to complete exercises, but she carried on. Through breaks (I would have to make her take five minutes for herself), and after class, Joy would work on completing assignments and I would help her as much as I could. She didn’t give up, except one day when it was all too much. She cried for a moment and then we began to talk. The class had gone home for the day and it was her and I.

She told me about her job, caring for paraplegics and quadriplegics, seniors and so many other people with physical challenges. Her knowledge was incredible, the terminology she used impressive, she spoke with such deep connection to the profession and most notably her clients. I had been around others from this profession but none could tell me as eloquently as she could about the physical, medical, emotional needs associated with caring for individuals. There were plenty of profound statements about life and people to which I sat afterward and pondered. Joy was unique and wise.

Joy had heard all of her life that she was dumb, a phrase many have heard too. She came to know early on in life that her thirst for knowledge was not going to come through the traditional education system. A girl who someone decided did not need to be educated, became a woman who opened up to learning in ways few would understand.

I turned to her and looked her right in the eye and said “I just want you to know I am honored to have met you and I thank you for teaching me, you are one of the smartest people I have ever met, thank you.”

We gave each other a gift that day, what she gave me was magnificent. I meant what I said, she remains one of the smartest people I have met. Her nose wasn’t buried in books for years on end, she didn’t hide in the classrooms studying and pontificating to others. There is no letters after her last name, that she can fall back on to say “here is what I have accomplished, now I am a “scholar” an “academic”.

Joy is an example of someone who was built for life, she was compassionate, instinctive and hard working. She capitalized on her strengths and despite her learning challenges she rose above. Joy wasn’t one for labels though, so don’t bother analyzing what her disability was, she didn’t much care to look at herself that way. The only people who brought her down were the ones that thought they were so high up.

What has been presented to me time and time again, is too many people with a lot of credentials that are not that life smart. On the opposite end is so many people that were over looked, that if given the chance could have made for great employees despite their lack of credentials. What I also noticed is Joy spent the whole time talking about her clients and information poured from her with very little use of the word “I” or “my” . Maybe that is because she didn’t have to add in any mention of her thesis, course evaluations or review her CV with me. That was refreshing.

Over the years the one thing I have enjoyed is home improvement and decorating. I love the satisfaction that goes along with taking an idea and turning it into reality. Most the time it is born out of a leisurely hour pouring over a decorating magazine or walking through a show home with my eyes dancing around everywhere. My photographic memory kicks in, must have list starts typing away in my head, file in my brain for upcoming projects is opened, and there you have it…something is about to moved, demolished, primped or bought.

My husband knows the look in my eyes and then the usual statement that follows “I have an idea”. This is where he says, “Oh, No.” He envisions his time being taken up to accommodate my idea and that causes him stress. Lots of times though it does not involve him at all. He just comes home to a newly designed room, painted walls, landscape changes, or hammer and nails being put away.

One of my favourite things to do is to organize the garage and tool area. I am particular that my tools and machinery have a place so that I can access it quickly when inspiration hits. Paint cans and accessories have their shelf, drills and drill bits stored, peg board with inside and outside tools displayed and larger garden equipment placed and hung accordingly.

This is how I remember my fathers garage too, orderly and it certainly was the space in which something to enhance our home had its beginnings. Of course in those days I never saw my mother or any other mothers stepping into that domain, but times have changed. Today, you see women all the time in the local home improvement stores, tools have even been modified and marketed differently and informative workshops are offered monthly for the DIY divas. Women, just like myself, have seen an increase in our self esteem as we venture onto the next project, learn, grow, face trial and error and eventually reap the benefits of our idea coming into reality.

If you have something you want done around your home be adventurous. I encourage you to get beyond waiting for someone else to do it and unleash your inner builder, decorator or landscaper! Thinking about a career change…how about the trades? Or, like me it can all be something that inspires you and stays a past time, either way satisfaction is guaranteed.

By the way, I did this post in between cooking a dinner which is normally not my idea of fun. This followed a day I spent in home cleaning and decorating mode, lighting improvement discussions and more,  today I was a”jack (or Jill) of all trades.”