When you are responsible for running billion dollar divisions there is always a need to keep your skills sharp and your career aim focused. That is not to say that women executives are dominating the top companies because they are not. In this study their own data concluded that  “More than half the employees at the NAFE Top Companies are women, but they still make up less than a quarter of the corporate executives.“

Career counselling participation for Executive women can help shape not only their career or educational path but can support discussion surrounding issues like:

* Work life/ balance

* Flexible work schedule implementation

* Addressing grievances

* Provides solution based counsel; advancing learning and understanding of self

* Becomes a motivator to go beyond current status; embrace new roles

Career counselling is not something you engage in only in the first stage of your professional life. It should be incorporated throughout your career, as we all know there are decisions and circumstances that change our perspective on work and life. To seek out privately the assistance of a career counsellor or participate in company programs that offer this service is most likely the best investment one can make. Competition is tight no matter where you see yourself on the career ladder, it makes all the sense in the world to go where the answers are to your success.

All the clothes were geared to young mothers who must have children and partners with very deep pockets. With emerald and diamonds jewelery well over $1000, most perfumes were over $100 and even lingerie being a trendy gift for Mother; a little card, flowers or dinner appears to be passe.  “You know I have always loved lingerie but I wouldn’t be expecting that for mothers day!” my mother said.

Let me tell you what this really meant to my mother, as she ages she become less and less relevant. She lives in a world full of age discrimination, erased from the consciousness of advertisers except if they are peddling medications or leak proof under-garments.  The Bay, a Canadian institution bought out some years back by a U.S company, has changed like so many things in her life and it is frustrating. Beyond her realization that this promotion failed to consider mothers of all ages was her observation that most of the featured products did not make sense as gifts for this special day and I tend to agree.

Is this really what mothers expect to receive? or Is this just another opportunity to exploit a day of respect and persuade us all to show our love through Coach, Michael Kors and Prada. You can bet it was the latter! Persuasion and exploitation go hand in hand in the world of advertising. Lines like “the Golden Rule: Treat Her” next to diamonds and gold, “There’s no Present like the time”  for Fossil watches and “Objects of Affection” to describe earrings and pearls, do we need to guess who their target buyer really is? No pressure for any child or partner intended, of course.

One day, it will probably happen as it has with my mother. I will be sitting in my chair and it will dawn on me… I no longer exist. I will recall when I turned heads and wore heals that were bad for my feet but great for attention. I will have to be more savvy with my shopping in order to find the clothes that stylishly suit my age. I will be surfing the television channels to find shows that use language I can understand and some representation of a woman over the age of 60. I will be flipping through a magazine or flyer searching for “Every thing I love” and finding it really hard to even find one product, article or picture that speaks to me. I’m not looking forward to that reality.

My mother still wears heels and other not so grandmotherly looking things. Though, she would never want her kids to buy her any of those items, (preferring instead to receive a beautiful card) she wouldn’t have minded having The Bay, and others like them, remember that she’s a mother too.

” There are many types of ships. There are wooden ships, plastic ships and metal ships. But, the best and most important types of ships are friendships. “

I am one of the luckiest people I know – I have wonderful friends! How about you?

Would you say you were closest to your friends than family? Is your life partner your closest friend? Do you consider your sister, mother, father or brother your friend?

No matter who it is, we are all infinitely more happy and healthy if we cultivate and maintain friendships.

I can’t imagine my life without my friends; I truly think I would whither away without that connection.  Friends allow us to be who we are and do so without the expectation that we should or will change.  When I look to the many memories I hold near and dear to my heart almost always one or more of my friends is right there.

Like me, you probably gather together with your friend(s) from time to time and reminisce about those youthful, crazy years in which you each had more guts than brains. To this day, my friends and I get quite a laugh about our former antics and then announce halfway through the stories, “There must have been an angel looking out for us.”

Thankfully, we are not fixated on the past to the point of boring others around us but we can certainly spin a tale or two. We can gather with equally as much chatter about the rich lives we live now, but, what has changed is that for the most part we have more brains than guts.  As a result, we spend more time trying to convince each other about the merits of pushing beyond our comfort zone in careers, life and love.

Each of my friends are not necessarily friends with each other.  When we come together it is always good but it is not likely that they stay in close contact outside of that; I am the common link. Though, there are some commonalities, for the most part we are quite different. We are diverse in age, professions, family circumstances and even most interests…is that odd? We are also divided in our pet preferences dog people vs. cat people. (I’m on the dog side)

Each friend brings a special kind of love and wisdom to our relationship; their uniqueness is what draws me closer. My mother told me many times when I was a child, “you don’t want a rainy day friend,” these were the types of people who were only there when they had nothing better to do. I would certainly say I have grown up surrounded by friends that are there through the rainy, stormy and sunny days.

When you look at your own life take a moment to acknowledge those who hold that special title called FRIEND. 

How would you describe your friends?

What do they mean to you?

How do they contribute to your well being?

Remind them every once and awhile just how important their friendship is to you.

To my friends:

Je vous aime, mes chers amis ( Now, go look up the translation. We took French in school, remember?) 

I dream in colour and can even smell things. I feel like I travel and even recognize areas as if I know them in real life but intellectually I know I have never been there. Other languages are spoken, music and songs written with full instruments, past, present, future situations even science fictional elements. It is a mixed bag, a depth of mind too complex and misunderstood. Sometimes it can be just plain exhausting, no, scratch that… it is not sometimes exhausting, it is plain exhausting!

Many years ago,  during a particularly bad bout of nightmares, I sought the help of a counsellor. I explained the graphic details and described physical reactions during and post dreams. Every thing was as clear to me as the night they occurred and so I was acutely aware they were having an impact on my waking hours. The counsellor taught me a few techniques, but, the one that was most valuable was how to pull myself out of a nightmare when it got too much. Previously, that had been difficult for me to do but after trying her strategy multiple times I got better at it.

There was a sense of power in that ability to release myself from the throws of action and dialogue. It was like ejecting from an spiraling airplane, I simply pulled the lever and left. Of course, that doesn’t mean I will be completely safe, as debris from the nightmare still circulates moments, sometimes even hours afterward. I guess, that is better than what might of been my fate had I stayed with the dreadful story unfolding in the dream. Then, there is the sense of guilt or shame attached with having such nightmares. A friend of mine once disclosed that same feeling after having a disturbing dream and I understood completely. The questions about “Why?” surface and “What does this say about me?” Of course, ultimately it is not a fault issue but somehow it is easy to question our own role than accept the normalcy of what appears completely abnormal.

I keep a dream book to post anything that appears to have some greater significance; at least I can revisit it later to try to interpret its meaning. I have conversations with people and the minute I wake up I think to myself, “Don’t forget that.” More often than not, I do forgot things people say, but obviously it wasn’t that important. At least I hope it wasn’t. Dreams and nightmares baffle me, I would like for once to go to sleep and completely not remember a thing that went on until I awoke the following morning. To this day, I have never experienced a night without action. My mind is active twenty-four seven, 365 days out of the year and I guess it will fade into silence on my last day on this earth. Though, maybe not? The next level of consciousness could be just as active…”Oh I just need some rest!”

Check this video out; one of my favourite songs!

 These Dreams

If you are reading this post I’m going to ask you to become informed and contact your MP. If you are not willing to stand up against the exploitation of girls and women, have no interest in sending a message to human traffickers that Canada is not the place to do business, if you would not care if your daughter, sister, mother or friend ended up in circumstances that allowed men to purchase them for sexual purposes…then go ahead and click to another blog or go back to whatever you were doing before you landed here. It’s your choice and thankfully YOU have one.

However, if you are moved to support victims of exploitation, learn more about the Nordic Model and want to send a message to our Government read on.

Please get in touch with your local MP. Write a letter, email or call. Do whatever it takes to change this decision; we only have a few months to do so as the Crown attempts an appeal.

Contact:

Parliament: www.parl.gc.ca

Justice Minister of Canada: rob.nicholson@parl.gc.ca

Prime Minister Stephen Harper: pm@pm.gc.ca

Email and cc all of the above. There is a great letter you can download Letter Outline – provided by EVE.

Here is what you need to know:

1. Legalization in other countries failed to protect anyone; prostitution is a high risk business in which johns still had access to vulnerable women and girls. Rape, abuse and torture still occurred regardless of the fact that licensing allowed for bodyguards and/or panic buttons to be available in brothels. Monitoring a johns behavior and an awareness of hazards that can lead to injury or death, was still part of a prostitutes job description. If the john pushes the boundaries or escalates in abusive behaviour, it is the woman’s responsibility to find ways to negotiate or deescalate the situation back into safe relations. If she is lucky.

2. Legalization caused the increase of human trafficking. To meet the demand of men willing to pay for sex, (and the additional clients who now felt that the Government was sanctioning their exploits), foreign workers became necessary. Local women were not the ones lining up to be prostituted. Organized crime stepped up its efforts to fulfill the needs of the brothels. On one hand our Government and courts acknowledge a worldwide human trafficking problem, while on the other hand they are now set to help fuel the business with the passing of this law.

3. Many brothel owners found creative ways to circumvent regulations, including buying off police, immigration officers and other officials in order to illegally maintain their business. There has not been one country with brothels that has not experienced corruption at all levels.

4. There is no real protection from sexually transmitted disease. Women in brothels can receive health checks but the johns don’t. Therefore, prostitutes are still vulnerable to disease including HIV. If a paying customer wants sex without a condom, it will still happen regardless of perceived health protocol. Money is king.

5. Once a prostitute is found not to meet the so called regulations to work in a brothel, she is no longer welcome and therefore is still driven underground. The vast majority of prostituted women would not even be protected by legalization due to other health, life and controlled circumstances.

6. It is a small but vocal minority of advocates for the profession and an even smaller amount of women who ‘choose’ to be a prostitute. The fact is, most people involved in the industry have been historical victims of abuse. Brothel, or no brothel, those in the business were most likely conditioned to believe this was their worth or only option. Involvement in the industry was not born initially from choice but from our collective acceptance of victimization of women and children.

7. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a documented condition experienced by women and children who work in and escape this industry. Substance abuse and other critical conditions will not be supported or corrected with the opening of brothels.

8. With the failure to decrease violence against women and curb the tide of human trafficking, countries like Sweden introduced a new model (Nordic Model) that criminalizes the purchasers, not the women who are prostituted. Exit strategies are in place to support those coming out of the industry with counselling, addiction support, education, career planning, training and life skills. John’s also receive sensitivity training. Adjustments are always considered to ensure the success of the laws and programs. As a result, many women took advantage of the programs and traffickers no longer saw their cities as prime areas to set up shop. Other countries, who previously legalized prostitution are now reviewing and adopting a similar model.

Canada should not be haven for traffickers nor a place that follows the belief that the dominance of women is acceptable.

Those involved in this push for legalization say that they do so based on choice and safety but they do not make it their mandate to share with you the dirty details that surround the industry. Nor, do they come up with real solutions to the problems facing the majority of women and children who find themselves in the flesh trade. If you take an example that  advocates throw out about brothels providing safety from the likes of Robert Pickton, who was found guilty of killing mainly prostituted women from the Downtown East side of Vancouver; their argument is severely flawed. Given the traditional limitations/regulations placed on those that will be allowed to open a brothel, the women Pickton targeted would not have been able to work under the “protection” of a brothel.

We are changing laws to supposedly protect a very tiny minority of women and are fully prepared to sacrifice the other 90+ percent whose road to this life is paved in abuse and disrespect. Instead of finding ways to increase women’s access to safe housing, laws and sentencing that protect women/children against violence, counselling, education, career options, life skills development, financial equality and affordable childcare; all things that can keep one away from the industry, our Government is continuing to support the very people who keep money flowing as long as a woman’s (or girls) clothes are off.

Is this the Canada we want to live in? Where even more women and children will be sold strictly for the abusive pleasure of a man? Can we not be more compassionate and forward thinking; finding ways to support those that want to leave the industry and help to change the thinking that got men believing this type of behaviour is victimless? It is not victimless, the men, women and children are all victims. The buying of sex by men continues to create inequality between the two sexes, strains and/or decimates relationships, it is based on dishonesty and packed full of disrespect and worst of all it continues to perpetuate the ideas that women and girls are merely objects to be bought and sold. Every distorted viewpoint of what it means to be a man, is being overlooked and women, especially, will pay the price the minute this law allows the first brothel to open.