Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

It is the 11th day of the 11th month in 2011 and it is on this day we salute our veterans and troops.  As I watched the coverage of this event and saw the faces of young and old I am warmed by the thought that we really appreciate the sacrifices these individuals make.

Across the miles our troops still serve and I want to let them know we remember you! As we have supported our allies in wars we didn’t start we have paid dearly but the souls that passed did so with great honor. It is through their dedication to our country, their selflessness and commitment to the greater good that all of us can be proud. It is not that anyone wants war but when conflict arises it is these men and women that step up and say “Yes” to defend freedom and democracy. Sometimes the reasons for going are not fully understood but because of long-standing friendships our troops extend a hand in the hope of stabilization and reconstruction.

For those that have come home and still deal with the scars of war I wish you healing. There is a need to offer men and women the best post combat care upon arrival home. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is real and there has been a steady increase in veterans experiencing the often complex and debilitating effects of this condition. Today, I think deeply about those veterans. I offer an empathetic plea – Please try to find the appropriate support that will help you talk about what you saw and how you feel. Your mission is to release the pain, anger and helplessness that encompasses your days right now. Find the strength to tap into your true spirit again; let peace, love and laughter come back into your life and the lives of those around you. We await your full return home.

We, as a nation and a people, are so lucky to live where we do and as we do. Very few could say they have the richness of life that has been bestowed upon Canada. When we gripe about so many things that bother us from politics to weather we do so because we are free minded. There may be times when we question the role others have in our existence but ultimately we move throughout our days with the ability to exercise choice. We stand on solid land that was defended on our behalf along time ago. The names of all the people that made this possible are not etched on our minds but their energy exists all around us. We pass by them on the streets, we step on the soil where once they trod, we gather once a year to honor them and that my friends is how their legacy lives on.

This is only a simple post to say “Thank you” to all those who served and continue to serve our country. Support the troops and support the Royal Canadian Legion.

To: Dear Jeannie

Now you can spend a few minutes with Andy Rooney whenever you wish and have a chuckle or two.

Love Billie Boy xxx

This was the inscription on the inside of a book I purchased at a use book store, the book was Pieces Of My Mind by Andrew A. Rooney.

Today, I learned that Andy Rooney passed away and for that I’m sad. It doesn’t matter to me how old he was, I hate that preoccupation with attaching an age to everyone we write about, I’m just sad that he is no longer here. With his recent parting from 60 Minutes I was thinking he would write a book or do something that would keep us connected to his life musings. That was not to be. It would be hard for me to even pinpoint why I loved his work so much, sometimes it is just hard to know why you appreciate someone as much as you do. No real point in trying to unearth reasons other than to say his truthfulness and ownership of what he said and wrote was admirable.

When I read his words or heard him speak I was either laughing or nodding my head in agreement. In a previous post I referred to him as the “George Carlin” of news/opinion writing…without the profanity. There are few people who can thread the perceived complexities of life perfectly with the simplicity in which it needs to be seen. To me, there was always an undercurrent in his words that flowed into “see it for what it is.” The ‘it’ could be anything: a situation, an item or a sentiment. Whether experienced, bought or told we really can make a whole lot of something out of nothing.

He didn’t feel there was any ‘magic’ to what he did but I still think he underestimated his contribution to our world. Mirroring the strangeness, joys and frustrations associated with our human experience is what Andy Rooney did best. It is hard to imagine that he ever turned off his mind from observing life, if he did it was fleeting because the amount of material he has on how he and we have lived is really incredible. From war time to breakfast cereal, fan mail to politicians, the usefulness of household items to holiday observances; was there anything that got by him?

Now, the shelves of papers and books will be packed up and the desk will be cleaned. An old typewriter will find another home to proudly sit and his clothes donated to a community organization. His books will continue to be sold and his 60 Minutes appearance will be prized. His friends, family and all of us who appreciated him will have unified moments of grief for a man who did what he loved to do. I guess, like Jeannie, I will be able to spend moments with Andy Rooney every time I flip a page in his book, followed by a chuckle or two.

If there is an after life for Mr. Rooney, I sure would love to be his connection to giving us his viewpoint of life on the other side. I bet it would make for some great writing.

Rooney on Thanksgiving

Andy Rooney – My Lucky Life

60 Minutes – Andy Rooney

As Canada celebrates the death of one serial killer, Clifford Robert Olson and as British Columbia continues its inquiry into the handling of the case against serial killer Robert Pickton we are now hearing about another alleged killer in our midst. Cody Alan Legebokoff is 21 years of age and has been charged with the deaths of four women in the Prince George area. A total of 18 women have been missing between the Prince George and Prince Rupert communities (the highway of tears) and it is quite possible that this individual may have contributed to more disappearances and murders. However,again it must be said at this time Legebokoff has only been charged not convicted of the deaths of four women.

For all intense and purposes this guy didn’t stand out in any way to family or community. In fact, he seemed to have a very average young mans lifestyle; he had family, friends, worked and played sports. Legebokoff had traveled between both BC and Alberta for employment and raised no red flags as far as we the public have been told. However, isn’t that always the case. Men who abuse women, buy women, torture and kill women can not easily be singled out of the crowd. They often become suspects only by a miscalculation on their part or a witness coming forward. Before that occurred, they were just somebodies son, brother or  husband.

Behind the shock of a community is the unimaginable suffering that befalls his family. What if you truly didn’t know that your son, as in the potential case of Cody, was a killer? How do you as a parent come to terms with what is happening? How do you reconcile the emotion with facts? Where do you go from here? I have sympathy for the secondary victims in cases such as these. Cases in which a family or spouse had no inclination that their loved one participated in such horrific crimes. With Olson (I am reluctant to even keep saying his name) I was incensed with the money his wife received as a result of his confession; I truly believe she should have given that to the victims families. Having said that, it is hard to ever know how these families cope.

When I think too about the family of these women, my heart aches. I can only hope that many people continue to surround them with support and speak their daughters names with the respect they deserve. If  Cody Legebokoff is found responsible we need to stand in solidarity with them to see this killer never makes it out of prison. My hope is that our system does not make the mistake in the future of allowing anyone to profit from confessions; no bargains should be made with the devil.

There still is so much work to be done to address the violence against girls and women; in particular aboriginal women. Prostituted women and those whose lives have been affected by drugs and child sexual abuse need the most protection from these types of predators. Our mentality must change, that we see all women as precious not dispensable.

The mindset of these men are the extreme versions of what is intrinsic in our culture. Lack of empathy, distorted views about male and female relationships and misinformation about women/girls in general that fuel a misogynistic fire. There is no respect or dignity in half of what we see projected about the lives of women and their value in our world. In a sick mind this is compounded ten fold. If you are a women who has been marginalized, commodified and ostracized by community you are very vulnerable. This must stop!

We all need to take a long, hard look at how we participate in the acceptance of abuse against women. How we continue to raise sons in a way that still accepts an outdated “boys will be boys” attitude, that is not substantiated by science but more so cultural influence. How we turn a blind eye to our prostituted sisters because we can’t see that they feel, breathe and bleed as we do. That our laws still protect money better than they protect human life.

We may not be able to eradicate the existence of serial killers, torturers and abusers but we sure as hell can turn our attitude and laws around to move towards protection, prevention, compassion and healing for those who are marked as prey.

With peace and remembrance for Loren Dawn Leslie (15 years old), Cynthia Frances Maas, Natasha Lynn Montgomery, Jill Stacey Stuchenko.

A recent conversation with someone reminded me how many people struggle to have an authentic relationship with their parent or parents. Do you have the parent you wanted? or Do you have expectations that were never fulfilled? It seems that hurt feelings and heat of the moment rants can carry forward and in this case is placing a burden on everyone who is close to the situation.

As I progressed through our talk I remembered my own struggle to let go of the parent I wanted and see that parent I had. It was a road traveled with the help of a good therapist early in my adult life; after I had left home. I was out there beginning a new chapter but what I was reading was the same book I had read a thousand times over. I felt cheated, I did not want a relationship with my parent and I carried a lot of anger.

I wore the memories like a badge depicting survival. I cried out the questions that started with “Why?” or “Why not?” I combed through every piece of evidence that my parent wasn’t right until I exhausted myself. I gained small victories in the beginning just by voicing my feelings but over time I came to realize the depth of my pain and anguish was harming me. I was leaving the door open for more of the same to come my way and I was just plain tired.

There came a point when words of wisdom were imparted that allowed me to see another side. I could spend my life pining for the parent I wanted growing up or I could let go, forgive and see the parent that stands before me now. From that point onward I made a concerted effort to recognize the person behind that “parent” title and practice forgiveness and compassion. I came to see that my parents did the best they could…they really did. Each came with a set of upbringing and circumstances of their own that they needed to navigate and as such we were all growing up together.

The questions became “How long am I willing to carry all of this?”— “Do I really want to spend my life looking backwards rehashing where I came from instead of where I’m going?”— “Is there anything that my parent could say that would erase it all?”— The answers came back NO, NO and NO, I’m not willing to carry this all of my life! In that moment I was freer than I had ever been. I saw my parent in a whole new light. I began a relationship that lasts to this day with an understanding this person grew and so did I.

We don’t get to pick our parents and we all have an image of what we believe they should be. Relationships in general  are like that… full of unrealized dreams and wonderful surprises. We have a choice to forgive, we have an opportunity to learn and we have chance to move forward. We can see them as works in progress and grant them ability to live their life accordingly. We can set boundaries and recognize our own triggers and we can choose to engage or walk away. We can set aside the preconceived notion that they could have been anything than what they were/are.

At some point, most parents deserve a pass. Only those that have been severely neglectful may not receive that courtesy. I believe it is important to talk to someone outside the family to gain clarity on your feelings and then I think there comes a time when one needs trust their own judgement.

The truest of connections can only come through invitation and what I discovered was the invite didn’t need to be extended to the other person but more importantly to myself.

“I invite you to be free and to know that you make the call as to whether this hurt will continue to travel down your life path. I invite you to note that your parent is as flawed as you are. I invite you to accept that your parent is having experiences that are just as meaningful to their evolution as yours are to you.  I invite you to be at peace.”

It was disappointing to learn that Andy Rooney whom I have watched for… well I don’t know but it is a heck of a long time, is signing off from his segment on 60 Minutes. He made it clear he is “not retiring” but will no longer be part of the Sunday evening show. Though, 60 Minutes itself captured my attention most of the time it was Andy Rooney who I waited for all of the time. I loved his curmudgeonly personality and never for one moment thought it was an act. Just by looking at his desk and surrounding items it was easy to tell “he is, who he is.”

He was like the George Carlin of news/opinion writing…of course without the profanity and funky wardrobe. He reflected life back at the viewer in a way that was both thought provoking and even humorous. He demonstrated in words and visuals some absurdities in our logic and strangeness in our activities. Up to that point we hadn’t clued in but Mr. Rooney did. We peered into so many aspects of our existence that it was difficult not to get hooked on his commentary. There was something for everyone!

You didn’t have to always agree with his opinions (though, I rarely disagreed) but it was easy to respect the cleverness in his words. Thankfully we have several books to keep that alive. However, I really do think I will miss seeing him. There is something about his presence that makes me feel good. It is like taking a class from a very important professor…but he wouldn’t like that. In fact, he doesn’t care about what people see in him and certainly didn’t understand why anyone would place him on any pedestal. He is a writer and producer; that is all.

So, he probably wouldn’t appreciate me missing him or my opinions on what made him great to watch but I don’t care either, Mr. Rooney. You will never see my blog or even care about blogs and that’s alright by me. I don’t need your autograph and I don’t mind that I will never speak with you personally. Being in the same room with you was never even a goal I could aspire too. However, giving you a heartfelt thank you for being good at what you do and helping me think outside the cereal box should be OK with you, sir. Mind you, that’s just my opinion and you are free to disagree.

The One and Only Andy Rooney

Somewhere in the Peace Arch Hospital’s Residential Care Pavilion is a woman waiting to die. She is a ward of the Province which means her care is subsidized but she didn’t have to be. Let me tell you a short story about who she was, how she came to this place and just who put her there.

Wendy (name has been changed for this post) had lead an active life with her husband; they were inseparable. They enjoyed many interests including love of travel and square dancing. They had a modest home on a corner double lot in New Westminster BC which they enjoyed for many, many years. What was nice about being in that neighbourhood was the proximity to amenities and wonderful neighbours who helped them maintain their garden as it became difficult in the senior years. They had no plans to move just grow old in their home surrounded by the things that had become familiar and well loved.

It was less than five years ago when Wendy’s husband became ill and died. He had lived a long life but still it was tragic for Wendy after a long marriage, two children and a lifetime of memories. How was she to go on? On top of all this she had been slowly losing her eye sight. However, being in her home she knew where everything was and tried her best to go about life in her ever darkening world. Her neighbours were still helpful, a housekeeper would come in to clean up, she had meals-on-wheels provided for her and other friends were happy to stay in touch.

There came a day when her daughter, who had been travelling back and forth to check in on her mother, decided that maybe having her mother in a care facility would make better sense. Her brother, who was also involved in this idea, agreed. Despite their mothers reservations with such an idea they went ahead and set in motion her move to a semi-independent living facility. At first it was challenging for Wendy but at least there were things to do and people to see.

One day Wendy took a fall that required her to go to hospital it was there she remained for months to come. She was visited by her daughter, (when she wasn’t traveling the globe or golfing) received calls/visits from her grandson and had some minimal contact with her son but she desperately did not want to stay in the Peace Arch Hospital. This wing of the hospital seemed to hold a lot of people who looked as though they were never going to leave and she felt like a prisoner. The therapy to repair her injury, by her account, was not consistent nor helping. She feared this was her last stop.

Meanwhile, her house and large subdiviable lot was sold and given its location would fetch a substantial amount of money…estimated upwards of $500,000 – $700,000. Money that she would not see a dime of, as little did she know, she was already a ward of the Province. Her assets had been signed over to her daughter and son. I’m sure both Wendy and her late husband believed their children would take good care of handling such matters of their care and use the  money wisely to that end. In a conversation with one of Wendy’s friends it became clear that they were afraid that paying for her care out of that money would mean over time there would be nothing left for them. So, instead they turned her over for tax payers to subsidize.

Astonishingly, besides what appears to be utter disrespect for their mother, is that these individuals don’t even need the money. Both have been highly successful and live extremely well. In fact, the daughter lives in a beautiful home overlooking the ocean in the prestigious White Rock, BC area and the son owns both a house and recreational property. Suffice-to-say, they soon grew tired of their mothers insistence that living this way was not for her. She wanted to go home! The unfortunate reality is there was no home to call her own anymore.

She was eventually moved from her hospital bed to the pavillion where she prays every week to die. She has her faculties about her with only periodic confusion most likely set about by her lack of stimulation and possible medication. She feels particulary frustrated by her inability to change this situation. Wendy hates being dependent on others especially having to use a wheelchair and finds it extremely embarassing to need people to handle her hygiene requirements. She has on several occassions been in a position where no attendant came to her aid despite pressing the button and Wendy soiled herself. This is all too much for her, she feels unwanted and alone.

This is a sad story and one that doesn’t have a good ending. Wendy remains languishing in her own personal hell, a prisoner in place she need not be. There was money and care facilities that could have been perfect for Wendy. A place where she could have her medical needs met while still providing a modicum of independence. More vibrant facilities that are upscale in design and amenities. However, Wendy was not provided those luxuries with her own money instead she was sent away by the very people she cared for most of her life. The very people whose lives are as rich as they are because their parents raised them well enough to survive and thrive in this world.

For some people they have no choice but to place their senior family member in subsidized care and that is why it must exist. However, there are Wendy’s out there and they should be given options. They don’t want to be treated like a child and need to feel like they still matter. To some the elderly become a burden and the money seems more appealing than caring for their parent.  Is this case elder abuse and a misuse of our subsidized system? I think so.

Have you ever found yourself in what appears to be a perpetual state of learning? Continuous learning that rarely results in you hitting the bricks running with what you know.  People often say they haven’t had a chance to use their education and that might be so but most of the time it comes down to feeling confident enough to go beyond the books and actually do it!

As one brilliant client of mine pointed out it is about “going from learning mode to action.” That can be scary. I remember the first course I took in counselling, it was all great in theory but then when I was told I had to try out my skills with a person, on camera no less, I was sooo nervous. After it was all over I felt relieved. I had an opportunity to put into action what I had learned and took a giant leap toward my professional goals. You see, left to my own devices I might have talked my way out of actually working with a live body in front of me, fearing that I am simply not ready. Convincing myself that I’m not good enough or that in comparisons to others I will suck! Maybe I could embarrass myself or even worse cause this other person to be uncomfortable. Instead, I was told…It is time to launch…You are worthy now, get out and use what you have so diligently been studying.

Once you are off and running it doesn’t mean you can’t learn more. In fact, ongoing learning is essential. However, using it as a way to make yourself feel worthy among peers or to keep from actually working in your field, due to fear of success or failure, is not respecting that investment. Keep current, keep educating yourself but do it for the right reasons…most important of which is so that other people can benefit from your expertise!

Can you really win the war on drugs?

In 2010 the US Department of Justice released its National Drug Threat Assessment. “Seizures of illegal drugs in transit exceeded 1,626 metric tons” this includes all manner of drugs such as marijuana, heroin, cocaine and other concoctions like methamphetamines and ecstasy (MDMA).

North of the border, Canada’s Royal Canadian Mounted Police website offers more stats about the prevalence of drugs in North America. “Marijuana… remains the top domestically produced drug in Canada, comprising approximately 75 percent of all drugs seized in 2008.” However, all the drugs I listed above are also produced and trafficked in both large and small scale across Canada.

It seems that despite the US spending over $15 billion dollars in 2010 alone and Canada injecting its own dollars and manpower, North Americans are not truly ready to stop using. Trying to change the prevalence of drugs in our communities is an ongoing, uphill battle. Though laws, penalties and drug awareness campaigns have increased, people are still unwilling to get the message that drugs are bad for self and society.

No matter how far back we go in history or what culture you study people always found a way to get high. Whether for youthful experimentation, recreational purposes or to ease pain, the need to delve into an alternate reality remains firmly intact.  There are also those that purchase and use drugs as a way to harm others; which is a category of buyers that should be flagged by public and agencies alike.

Growth in prescription drug use is also a problem with narcotics, stimulants, sedatives and tranquilizers making their way from the medicine cabinet to the streets. Gained either from natural sources or pharmaceutically derived, drugs are in the hands of millions of people worldwide whose sole goal is to change the way they feel.

There is no disputing that it kills people, causes widespread problems in communities, damages families and drains systems. The demand also creates a thriving business for the scum of our society who have a vested interest in keeping addicts wanting more.  But will any of that ever change?

Year after year, generation after generation, country to country we have been unable to stop the need for drugs. Those that want it find ways to get it, those that don’t use simply don’t buy.  If one finds themselves addicted and wants treatment it is apparently hard to find a program available that can take them in. Why? Lack of funding.  I wonder how far the scale tips when looking at funding the war on drugs vs. treatment programs.

Here is another thing to consider: With almost all other consumer driven products available on the market we offer choice. Why? So that not one business or entity can take over and gain full monopoly.  What we have for drug users is no other alternative but to become a criminal, gain access to low level gangs or go to high level cartels to purchase the product.

I’m really not sure what the answer is, truly I don’t know what is right anymore. However, when someone can go to prison and still die of a drug overdose, when so many people admit to smoking marijuana, when kids despite numerous ad campaigns still find another drug to use at a party, when prescription drugs are as easy to buy as a candy bar then I would say demand is far exceeding the capabilities of any law enforcement agency.   How do you win a war against something so many are still supporting? Such a challenge with seemingly no easy answer.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.  ~Kahlil Gibran

The last few days could not have been scripted with any other title than “Sorrow.” Not directly of my own but more in the recognition of other peoples pain and loss. Loss of hope for a new relationship, loss of a childhood friend, loss of a beloved pet. In each of these cases the news came as a shock; no fore-warnings of what was to come. Each took a call that would change the trajectory of their day(s) and each reached out to those that could help.

The arrow of sorrow strikes swiftly to the heart. As the observer there is a sense of helplessness and an understanding that despite wishing you could lessen the grief ultimately this is the journey for one. But, as the quote above suggests there truly was one other theme to these events; each can remember something delightful. The first remembered what it felt like to be touched, to have conversation, laughter and intimacy. The second, recalled the good nature of their friend, his talents and accomplishments. The third, thoughtfully decided on how best to honor her pet and considered whether the collar should be buried with her dog or not. She lovingly brought to mind that it ‘really never liked wearing the collar’  which for a brief moment connected her with the dogs well enjoyed character. A flower bed of roses is being planned as a commemorative space for a dog that brought many happy moments to the family home.

There are always two sides. With the joy surrounding our life and experiences comes the  melancholy when it slips away. However, we are resilient and have a great capacity to live, love and give again despite the risk of loss.What we also have is each other and that connection is all that matters when life gives us a little more than we can handle on our own.

The best I could do was to hold a hand or send a hug,  listen and provide a token of comfort. Sometimes even the smallest of things can help for a moment to ease what hurts so bad. Just be a friend.

“Until he extends his circle of compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.“  ~ Albert Schweitzer

A video clip of the 2001 Emmy Award winning documentary The Urban Elephant was forwarded to me and after watching it I cried; overcome with great joy and sadness. Two elephants that had lived out most of their life in captivity, performing in circuses or on display at the zoo, were reunited after many years of separation. What followed was nothing short of beautiful and heart-wrenching as the elephants Jenny and Shirley began a new chapter together.

What was evident in their reunion was that elephants never forget and they are outstandingly similar to humans in their need for family and connection. Their emotion is not expressed in words but in sounds and behaviour. It was amazing to catch a glimpse of this through these clips. They have the capacity to be joyful, playful, satisfied, courageous, happy, sad, angry, determined, disciplined, peaceful, compassionate and caring. Elephants celebrate with birth and express great sadness with the passing of a loved one. Everything they do is with thought, purpose and remembrance.  So many emotions plus attributes are related to humans but still it astounds me that we can’t quite get past our sense of superiority.

Jenny and Shirley’s story sparked so many unanswered questions for me. Knowing what we know about animal intelligence and in particular these magnificent creatures how does anyone justify their captivity? How can we feel OK about snatching infants away from mothers who clearly fight for their off-spring, separate siblings and friends for no other purpose than to entertain our own families? With all the data that fully supports an elephants knowledge and memory how do we set that aside and think because it can’t say anything that we will speak for it. We assume it is enjoying itself, happy to perform even as it is chained up in a zoo or following the commands at a loud circus full of people. We will make accuses like “Oh, its probably better off here than in the wild” or “Its not being mistreated so what’s the big deal?”

The big deal is that we are not living with compassion. Generation after generation takes an insensitive, self-centered and often callous approach to this matter. Our stewardship is not evident when we add one more species to the endangered list. Our sanity is questionable when we make up ridiculous claims of health benefits that result from the  slaughter of an animal for body parts or decorative home ornaments. We are not demonstrating tenderness when we spend huge dollars to build and maintain zoos to house our captives? We lack sympathy if we care more about our happy child’s face while abandoning compassion for this living, breathing, thinking creature before us?

It occurred to me in the midst of watching these clips that we are simply not the superior species. More often than not we don’t prepare our young for healthy survival. We kill more than we need to eat and we waste more than we should; neither of which happens in the wild. We strip clean our own land so that it can no longer sustain us properly; something nature constantly tries to replenish. We pollute our waters and push our atmosphere  to greater imbalance. Worst of all we enslave each other and any other living thing that can serve our purpose.

Other than those who rescue, rehabilitate, support organizations and reintegrate animals back into their natural habitats, the rest of the humans are simply consumers. So, I agree with Albert Schweitzer – without compassion for all living things we will not find peace. In my brief introduction to these elephants I watched with empathy, felt their plight, noticed the scars and became thankful for their resilience and everlasting friendship. Unfortunately, their years together were somewhat short-lived but no doubt far better than the many years spent elsewhere.

Check out the video links below to learn more about this film and the elephants Jenny and Shirley. A link to the Elephant Sanctuary will also be placed on my Charity’s page.

The Urban Elephant Part 1

The Urban Elephant Part 2

What happened to Jenny and Shirley?