Over the Easter weekend news broke that Nanaimo RCMP used a very creative tactic for harm reduction on the roads, catching drivers with cell phones, texting and no seat belts. Each violation was first observed by an officer in an Easter Bunny costume and then he would relay the information via radio to awaiting officers down the road.

They issued fifty-two tickets, one of which that morning was for drunk driving; that in itself should make it all worthwhile. I love this idea! I like the creativity involved to make our streets safer from those that refuse to abide by the laws. It is not entrapment since they are already committing a crime and really should we have any sympathy for those that may put each of us at risk by their stupidity.

I look forward to the next costume that is worn to capture any criminal or nuisance driver. It probably was a fun day at the office for those involved as the Sgt. stepped out of his uniform to become a happy, cuddly Easter Bunny.

Like Santa at Christmas, the Easter Bunny is all the rage with kids. For most children, there may not be an understanding of the religious significance of Easter but there sure is excitement over making coloured eggs, eating chocolate and the egg hunt. Like St. Nicholas, the Easter Bunny originated in Europe. Said to be part of  Alsace (France) tradition, the Easter Bunny’s persona and purpose has not changed over the years. With basket in hand and eggs to deliver it makes its rounds to children everywhere.

Our friends have a little girl who could not hold back her joy about the coming of the Easter bunny. In fact, that bunny was busy attending various parties over the weekend. She jumped up and down with the same exuberance that can be found at Christmas. One of her main concerns was making sure to be in bed early enough so that the Easter bunny would be able to come to her house. Her secondary thought was that “maybe we should leave out something for the bunny.” It was decided between us that carrots would be good with a side of grass.(my contribution may have created more work for her Mum; sorry about that)

Over the hours spent with this little child I remembered my own excitement with the Easter egg hunt and the huge chocolate rabbit that would arrive for edible pleasure. Of course, back then I had no concern about the face breakout or the stomach ache that would happen after my cocoa and sugar binge, now I do. The Easter egg hunts went on well into my thirties with my two sisters. It wasn’t pretty! There was always competition and certainly at least one injury. When I met my husband I remember inviting him for Easter dinner at my Mum’s house and tried to prepare him for the hunt. Needless to say, the wise man decided after watching grown women in egg hunting combat, that maybe he would forego the annual event.

Regardless of why or how we celebrate Easter, it can bring people together for family fun, food and smiles. I think even if the bunny is the main focus, he or she is brightening the spirits of many. In the end that imaginary bunny probably connects us to our joy-filled soul and certainly brings back the child in us all; if we let it.

I awoke with my own scream. It seemed so loud in my head that I wondered if my neighbours could hear. It wasn’t the first time I had awoke with such a jolt and I know it won’t be my last. Since as far back as I can remember I have had brilliant dreams nightly and nightmares that happen at least once a week. They are intense, vivid and often repeat. There is all manner of persons, places and scenarios that make up my journey into the mind. When I used to share some of my dreams, friends were surprised by my recall. When we discussed my nightmares people would joke “You could give Stephen King a run for his money.” For the record, I don’t read horror nor enjoy horror movies, so that can’t be a trigger for my nightmare predicament.

I dream in colour and can even smell things. I feel like I travel and even recognize areas as if I know them in real life but intellectually I know I have never been there. Other languages are spoken, music and songs written with full instruments, past, present, future situations even science fictional elements. It is a mixed bag, a depth of mind too complex and misunderstood. Sometimes it can be just plain exhausting, no, scratch that… it is not sometimes exhausting, it is plain exhausting!

Many years ago,  during a particularly bad bout of nightmares, I sought the help of a counsellor. I explained the graphic details and described physical reactions during and post dreams. Every thing was as clear to me as the night they occurred and so I was acutely aware they were having an impact on my waking hours. The counsellor taught me a few techniques, but, the one that was most valuable was how to pull myself out of a nightmare when it got too much. Previously, that had been difficult for me to do but after trying her strategy multiple times I got better at it.

There was a sense of power in that ability to release myself from the throws of action and dialogue. It was like ejecting from an spiraling airplane, I simply pulled the lever and left. Of course, that doesn’t mean I will be completely safe, as debris from the nightmare still circulates moments, sometimes even hours afterward. I guess, that is better than what might of been my fate had I stayed with the dreadful story unfolding in the dream. Then, there is the sense of guilt or shame attached with having such nightmares. A friend of mine once disclosed that same feeling after having a disturbing dream and I understood completely. The questions about “Why?” surface and “What does this say about me?” Of course, ultimately it is not a fault issue but somehow it is easy to question our own role than accept the normalcy of what appears completely abnormal.

I keep a dream book to post anything that appears to have some greater significance; at least I can revisit it later to try to interpret its meaning. I have conversations with people and the minute I wake up I think to myself, “Don’t forget that.” More often than not, I do forgot things people say, but obviously it wasn’t that important. At least I hope it wasn’t. Dreams and nightmares baffle me, I would like for once to go to sleep and completely not remember a thing that went on until I awoke the following morning. To this day, I have never experienced a night without action. My mind is active twenty-four seven, 365 days out of the year and I guess it will fade into silence on my last day on this earth. Though, maybe not? The next level of consciousness could be just as active…”Oh I just need some rest!”

Check this video out; one of my favourite songs!

 These Dreams

When I heard that Ontario is now going to legalize brothels I questioned for a moment whether I was I was still living in Canada. Based on a false sense that brothel’s protect prostituted women and girls, the misinformed courts have opened up the flood gates for all the ills that have plague other countries who tried and failed to legalize prostitution.

If you are reading this post I’m going to ask you to become informed and contact your MP. If you are not willing to stand up against the exploitation of girls and women, have no interest in sending a message to human traffickers that Canada is not the place to do business, if you would not care if your daughter, sister, mother or friend ended up in circumstances that allowed men to purchase them for sexual purposes…then go ahead and click to another blog or go back to whatever you were doing before you landed here. It’s your choice and thankfully YOU have one.

However, if you are moved to support victims of exploitation, learn more about the Nordic Model and want to send a message to our Government read on.

Please get in touch with your local MP. Write a letter, email or call. Do whatever it takes to change this decision; we only have a few months to do so as the Crown attempts an appeal.

Contact:

Parliament: www.parl.gc.ca

Justice Minister of Canada: rob.nicholson@parl.gc.ca

Prime Minister Stephen Harper: pm@pm.gc.ca

Email and cc all of the above. There is a great letter you can download Letter Outline – provided by EVE.

Here is what you need to know:

Read the rest of this entry »

He was barely out of high school, she was a stay at home Mom who hadn’t worked outside of the home in more than twenty-five years, each needed a resume. The problem was they both didn’t feel that they had anything to write about. He shared “I have no work experience” and she said, “The last time I worked I was a waitress and that was a long time ago.” So begins the resume built on life experiences.

If careers are the sum total of your life experiences then the resume is just the written version of that story. However, most would agree that generating a picture of your life experiences, for a resume or cover letter, can be a daunting process. Especially, if you don’t know what to leave in or leave out or what questions to ask. However, there are great tips and tricks to flush out the information that can help you create a resume that best reflects your skills and accomplishments.

First thing you want to do is start a list that includes:

* Previous employment – No matter how far back it goes just write it down. You may or may not reference it in a resume but the skills are potentially notable and transferable.

* Volunteer experience – Paid or unpaid, all work counts.

* Recreational activities – What do you do for fun?

* Academic background – List formal education. Also, add learning that took place outside of a formal educational environment. Include: continuing education, self study, online courses, tele-seminars, company specific professional development.

* Turning points – Reflect on turning points in your life and note examples.

* Accomplishments and Goals – List past accomplishments and future goals.

Once you have finished going over your list, pass it along to someone else you trust  and see if they have anything to add. Often we forget or don’t recognize all the things we have done and having an extra set of eyes on our experience often yields more information to add to our work and skill search.

With each of the above lists you can pull out even more valuable insights. Take yourself through an experience, job or day and ask yourself:

* What did I do?

* What did I learn from that experience, course or job?

* What did I enjoy and why?

* What did I dislike and why?

* What did I accomplish and how?

* What new tools or equipment did I use?

* What positive feedback or awards did I receive from others?

Armed with all of this you can now begin the process of resume development. Of course, you may need some assistance in understanding the structure and type of resume that will work best for you but there are plenty of resources within your community and through private coaching, books and online sources. (Be aware: some sources, in particular online may be out of date or not relevant to your geographical area or field) Seeking advice is highly recommended.

For our young worker and stay at home Mom it became abundantly clear that by answering these questions there was a lot of marketable skills to promote, new references to add and an idea of where to target their resumes. The confidence they gained was evident with each new piece. They saw just how much they have contributed on a daily basis, how much value they had to offer, they could see what makes them unique. Best of all, they now had the language to describe how others may benefit from their experience.

Here is an excerpt from a card I received that was entitled “Thankful Me…”

“Thank you for a learning experience I will keep forever. You helped me change my future and I am truly grateful.” JM

I share JM’s words with you so that you see the power and hope that emerges from uncovering your experience and the connection it has to self esteem. It is hard work, I know, but the gains are immense. From a work search perspective your story is what separates you from all other applicants; there is no other like you! Knowing how to incorporate your life experience into a resume, cover letter or interview is one more tool for you to use that will make you stand out of the crowd. If you have any questions around this please feel free to email me or provide a question or comment below.

My husband and I were out for dinner with friends and their daughter at a popular restaurant. It is peak time and the servers are hopping between the kitchen and the tables. Amongst all of the chaos, there they were. The apple of their Daddy’s eyes, sweet little girls maybe 3 and 5 years old, running and screaming happily…IN A RESTAURANT!!

Having created their own imaginary runway from one end of the restaurant to the entrance, between tables and the kitchen/bar area, these two children ran back and forth. The wee one, barely into the walking stage, equally enjoyed herself as she used her new found freedom on foot to try keep up with her big sister. The eldest was in full throttle running mode and both screamed and squealed with delight. At one point, the older girl ran into the back of the legs of a server carrying a tray, thankfully, nothing was dumped and the child carried on. You may be wondering where the parents were during all of this. Sitting at a table, was a group of parents, one of which was obviously Daddy with a big smile on his face as he watched his cherubs fly across the room.

The rest of us…not so happy. After some time of watching this go on and the usual glares and mild chatter everyone does regarding the matter, I lost it. I shouted “Stop running and Stop screaming!” Neither the children flying by or the parents three tables down noticed. They couldn’t hear over the noise that was emanating not only from other patrons talking, music and kitchen but my shout was drowned out by a loud scream from the toddler. Another person told them to “stop” but nothing changed.

This was not only annoying but dangerous. I can’t for the life of me understand why any parent thinks it is cute or appropriate for a child to play, run or scream in a restaurant. It is plain wrong! I have seen this time and time again whether we are dining at a budget friendly establishment or 5 star hotel; parents watching (or ignoring) their children as they disturb everyone around them. What is that about?

Where is the discipline?

What happened to teaching manners?

Why do they not care about the well being and enjoyment of other patrons?

Are they unconcerned about the safety of their child?

What about the staff that must begrudgingly put up with the little hellions and for whom injury to self or others is a real possibility as they try to manoeuvre around the play?

Over the years, I have seen other people who have reached their threshold of tolerance. They say something to the children, ask the parents to handle the situation (which results in blank stares) or quietly mention to the managers or servers about the problem. Why should we have to go that far? Here is the bottom line:

Restaurants are for dining only! It is not a child’s personal playground and if parents don’t want the rest of us to comment or set some rules then they should take responsibility for their own child’s behaviour. If I was to start running around, shouting, screaming, popping up over the back of a booth or crawling under the table, people would find my behaviour upsetting. WELL???

Children are capable of understanding the concept of dining and it is time that parents everywhere start to recognize that fact and instill some manners. If not, then more restaurants will have to become Adults Only establishments or start erecting signs to warn us all Caution: Kids running loose in restaurant! Least then we can choose to take our hard earned dollars elsewhere and enjoy a meal they way it was intended to be enjoyed.

If you find yourself doing a lot of things for other people, you are not alone. Women are often conditioned to look after other people, to be attuned to other’s needs and most often at the expense of their own. However, that need to rescue, please, fix or support isn’t always in the best interest of everyone involved.

You have probably experienced a situation where someone is trying to do an activity, slowly, methodically or even incorrectly from your perspective and your first instinct is to step in and do it yourself. Maybe, you recognized something needs to be said and you want to tell a person just how you feel or what you think but, you resist because you don’t believe they are strong enough to hear it. Sometimes you may even feel that your feelings are not valid or your time precious in comparison to others. So, off you go saying “Yes” without ever considering the dynamic you have just set up for yourself and your relationship with the other person or persons. Rescuer’s are in each of those examples.

Some rescuer’s can feel a sense of superiority to the person they are attempting to rescue. Have you ever heard yourself saying, “They need me, without my help where would they be?” It is not uncommon for that to spiral into resentment or persecution of others when you don’t feel your efforts were appreciated. Through your need to be needed, family members, colleagues at work or community acquaintances learn to be dependent on your pattern of assistance.

Whatever the scenario, it is helpful to ask yourself:

What roles do I take on?

Why do I believe it is my responsibility to rescue others?

Is there a difference in the the people I tend to rescue? (Age? Gender? Demonstrating bias towards or against individuals)

What do I gain?

Exploring your motivation for being a rescuer is an important piece in the goal to letting go. Often when you come to understand Who? What? and Why? you also learn that rescuing is more to serve yourself rather than others. Even if your intention is to be helpful, it may not be the healthiest approach. People can feel like they are not capable or worthy if you keep stepping in. They don’t learn new skills such as communication or assertiveness. There is an isolation that can occur especially if they see others working on similar problems successfully using their own hands or critical thinking. Even feelings of anger can emerge because of lack of control and powerlessness. Learned helplessness is not what you want to pass along.

If you want to break the need to rescue, try the following:

1. Encourage others to do things for themselves. Give information and show them possibilities; let them go from there. Provide positive reinforcement.

2. Believe in others’ abilities to learn and help themselves. Don’t make assumptions that they can’t do either.

3. Do no more than 50% of the work in any relationship. We teach people how to treat us; believe that you deserve as much respect and equal treatment as they do.

4. Drop the superiority complex. Your way is not the right way or the only way. People will survive without you and must be allowed to experience life lessons.

5. Set boundaries. When you set boundaries for your time and relationships you are far less likely to fall into the rescue trap.

Break the need to rise to the rescue position. Instead, step outside of that role and into an equal relationship with everyone you meet. I guarantee many people will benefit from the new you.

Let’s talk about something completely different…Reinvention and Rebellion. Two areas  I am very familiar with. Women are always reinventing themselves and for me, the reinvention usually comes when I have hit my limit of acceptance that this is all there is. Whether in relationships, career or attempting to reach higher enlightenment there always comes a time when I question and then stir things up a little. You might also have experienced moments in which you asked yourself “Is this serving me?” and after some soul searching promptly made for an exit in search of something a little different. Even if it is not of our own doing, change comes a calling. Just when you think you got it figured out…Wham! chaos ensues. This is the point in which I feel like I’m living in a giant snow globe and a hand has come out of nowhere to start shaking my life around. When the flakes settle I emerge stronger but slightly peed off that somebody messed with my sometimes neurotic but often orderly way of doing things.  Throw in the menopausal element in this and we now have the perfect storm.

Rebellion…Well, don’t we all have a story or two about resistance? I have to say I think I was born with that streak. Really! I honesty believe I came out of the womb saying, through my internal voice, “OK people, things are about to change because I have places to go, things to give, people to irritate and lots to talk about.” This was because I knew that I am way too sensitive to the energy of everything and everyone around me. Heck, I can’t even wear a watch because my own energy causes it to quit working very quickly.  Anybody need a watch? Even before there were words to express my inner knowing, I was aware our roots are deep and our connection to each other is powerful. Of course, that in turn meant that I kept running from sensory overload and felt compelled to express my discomfort with the status quo.   I will be honest though, there are some things in life that just wear me out and rebelling against them is actually damaging my health. Despite that, I know that everyday acts of rebellion are what makes me tick.

Adjusting to the changing seasons of life and knowing we will never read the final script that outlined our identity means it is always a fascinating and a very arduous journey.  I’m certain, that I will have regrets even if I wanted to believe I could evolve beyond. I know that as I hit the next phase, I will still forget about the wisdom that has been imparted by those greater than I and do things that will rock the boat. Losing track in these fast times is guaranteed, for me. But, many people have difficulty keeping up and so we are constantly reinventing more creative ways in which to learn. Each of us have hopes for what we might accomplish in this lifetime. My hope is that I leave this world with the intention I came in with, having made a difference, observed what I most needed to see, ruffled feathers that needed ruffling and said most, if not all, of what I came hear to say. If not, I will be back, having reinvented myself and fully prepared to re-assume my position of rebel with or without a cause.

March is Women’s History Month in the U.S.A, Australia and UK. Canada celebrates women’s history in October. The key thing for me is not when it is recognized but that it is recognized at all. My goal is to share with you why this history matters.

I don’t know how many conversations I have had in which my enthusiasm for telling stories of women’s history results in people’s realization of just how little they know on the topic. More questions come forward to which I try to respond and for the women in the room, especially, I see them go from interest, to pride and then to frustration. The frustration comes from a greater awareness that all this history isn’t common knowledge; a sense of being cheated. Invariably, the conversation progresses to how many males in history we know versus women.

To me, it has to go beyond the conversation of women missing from the history books and instead go to, how are we going to ensure that the legacy and accomplishments of those past and present don’t continue to get swept into a quiet dusty corner of the library or book store? In fact, for a moment I want you to consider when you last stepped foot into a book store or library. Could you easily find the books on women’s history? I know that if you found it at all, the section would be very small. Despite the extent to which women have participated in the advancement of this world there is still not enough emphasis on writing, presenting or educating the public on their contributions.

Why should you care? Why should we care about learning any history? Simply put, it opens our minds in a way that very few things can. It gives us both the pain and the pleasure, the dream and the journey, the learning that comes from intelligent ideas through to tangible mistakes. History gives us blueprints for the future and commands us to recognize sacrifice in the pursuit of goals. Through history we a drawn into a play of characters and circumstances that help us identify so many attributes within our ourselves. Sometimes there are stories we hold in high regard and other times there are things we wished were not a part of our human experience. We gain our pride and self esteem when we can look at an individual (or individuals) in history who embody the characteristics we want to cultivate or may possess.

When women get left out of the history lessons in our schools, books and media, then we essentially only learn a fraction of what has happened, is happening or could happen. It is an inaccurate accounting of events and by that omission we are not only obtaining misleading information but have created a false representation of women’s roles in society. This distorted interpretation fuels the lack of communication and respect that can exist between girls and boys, women and men. It is difficult to have a fair discussion on the relevance and contributions of women when everything thus far has been taken out of context.

Self esteem and dreams are built often by the seed of one comment or influential encounter. It is a piece of knowledge from or about a woman who broke barriers, changed the course of history, patented a product, invented a cure, contributed through military service, traversed the globe, built a business empire, fought for rights or died for her beliefs. All of these examples can be the seed that changes our lives. Girls will benefit from this identification on multiple levels but society benefits through the skill development and contribution that comes from an empowered woman.

This is not the sole responsibility of women to ensure historical information is accurate, it needs to be something that all educators, parents and general public take on as an important project.  Understanding the significance of women, away from mainstream portrayals and often exploitative illustrations, assists in the elevation of our relationships both personally and professionally. There is no other forums in which we would appreciate only hearing half the data. We would most likely feel slighted if someone fails to give us a full accounting of the facts or paints a picture that is unflattering. Yet, we have been apathetic to the missing pieces of our collective history, mainly because women were deemed irrelevant.

What can I do? It is time to honor women and to recognize that if you appreciate history at all then we must add in the stories of those whose contributions have been sorely missed. If you are unable to rally your schools or libraries to see the value in expanding the knowledge of women’s history then choose to pass along what you’ve learned to your children and anyone else who will listen. The story you tell may change one person’s perception of women or propel a girl towards what she previously thought was an unattainable dream.

Maybe I am late to the party, but I just found an incredible website called Makers which features some of the most influential women in the United States. I love, love, love hearing the stories about women but was even more excited when I saw this initiative developed and produced by PBS and AOL to capture thoughts, advice, opinions and memories of these dynamic women on video.

The magic of this site is the ease in which you can click through each frame and hear each woman speak on various topics. It feels personal, uncensored and inspirational. There were many women I have never heard of, but that in itself, made it more interesting. The sheer diversity of women whose voices and faces are now being shared expands our understanding of what women can accomplish in a lifetime. For myself, the first person I watched was Gloria Steinem, then Alexis Jones, Diane Von Furstenberg and Zainab Salbi. Completely different women but with similarities, most notably, in their strength and vision.

It is a self esteem builder, you can’t help but feel a sense that there is hope for the future and talents yet untapped in all of us. I encourage you to browse through the names and click on different videos, see what I mean about the authenticity that accompanies their appearance. Share it with your daughters and sons to give them a glimpse at the herstory that is often not explored; help them see firsthand who is making a difference in the world. This is slated to become a three hour documentary that will air on PBS in 2013, with a goal to provide an intimate account of these “trailblazers” from their own perspective.

So, enjoy the link. I would be happy to hear about who you watched and what you thought about this initiative and site.