Have you ever had butterflies in your stomach?

It is a term that has been used to describe that nervous feeling one gets normally just before moving out of their comfort zone. With adrenaline pumping, that fight or flight response kicks into gear. Some of the most common examples of potential butterflies in the stomach would be public speaking, first dates and job interviews. We are facing people we know little to nothing about and the expectations is we have something good and important to say. Our voice is now front and center, our future and/or reputation may ride heavily on this encounter.

Public speaking was not a source of great anxiety for me, I don’t know why but speaking in public came naturally. I get an initial small sensation of nervousness that quickly dissipates as soon as the first introduction is complete. Good thing that, as I make part of my living standing up in front of people for presentations and workshops. For others though, it is a dreadful prospect to be asked to speak in front of an audience. Toastmasters has provided tips, support and opportunities to help many get over this fear. Butterflies will lessen as participants get more comfortable with their new skill.

Toastmasters

First dates had me fighting off the butterflies, while putting on my clothes and makeup the importance of breathing itself took on a whole new meaning. I remember the first time I saw my husband… butterflies. An unplanned meeting of the minds after one of his gigs (former bass player in a band), our first date, first invite to my New Years party (for four) and subsequent first kiss, all had butterflies flying around like they were high on caffeine.  At our wedding the butterflies were momentarily flying but couldn’t get full lift off, I was exactly where I wanted to be and once I saw my man there was no room for anything but love.

Job interviews, Wow! I have seen people just fall apart at the thought of doing a job interview. It is such a real fear that places the butterflies in overdrive. A hands shaking, voice stuttering, no digesting, face flushing experience for some individuals. Much like public speaking there is a real feeling of vulnerability, others are hanging on your words and essentially you are on stage.  What you are wearing, your body language, facial expressions, everything under the microscope. Each person in that room with you has gone through the exact same experience at one point or another but that is of little comfort when you are in the hot seat. I like helping people get over their anxiety with job interviews and use unique tools to accomplish that goal, but I have been around long enough to know it is a big hurdle for many people.

Sometimes the butterflies can tell you not to go in a certain direction, they can act like a warning sign. Flight may be a good thing. When trying to make a decision or simply even exploring options I have often found those butterflies help me understand whether I’m going down the right path or not. Paying attention to our body and all of its little internal signals is not to be taken lightly. It fascinates me that we have been created with an inner knowing and have the ability to conquer our fear or follow our bliss if we just let those butterflies do their thing and then move on.

Caught a few butterflies today, but feeling much better now.

What makes you nervous and how do relieve those butterflies?

As the Olympic athletes, fans and media descend on our fair city of Vancouver and many Vancouverites prepare to leave, the airport is making sure security is ready for all those would be terrorists. We have been on alert since December when Detroit and Northwest Airlines inadvertently played host to a nut case that decided to load his underwear with more than the traditional package sported by males. As a result we Canadians were only allowed to carry on the essentials; medications, canes, wallet, laptop and camera. Good thing that we are more safe but our luggage isn’t, as some passengers have complained.

Besides the suspected terrorists in the midst, the ever present baggage handling thieves are having a hay day. Funny, they tend to strike more often than terrorists but nobody has managed to thwart their criminal operation. Maybe instead of just body scanning the public as we embark on our travels they should body scan all the baggage staff. Make sure nothing is strapped to their bodies, in their bags or purses, like say…our precious jewelery, gifts or expensive camera.

I hate the body scans and intend not to offer my body up for low level radiation and view. I know it’s minimal risk, but I have heard that a lot. Like when we have product recalls, medication lawsuits, household contamination removal, all sorts of previous “minimal risk of exposure” stuff. While security inspects our bodies and rejects our rights I can’t keep wondering where was the debate on this issue with citizens? We think other countries are living in a dictatorship, maybe there is more of that going on in our own back yard than we are willing to admit.

A “private” security firm that trained for five days has a person that gets to sit in a room viewing passengers with complete anonymity. Meanwhile, we bare all on his/her screen; arms up, maybe doing a ballerina turn in public view. Not so comforting is the acknowledgment that they can’t guarantee such scans will not make it out to the public, though they will do the utmost to avoid such a breach of privacy. I have heard that line before, but then there is that loser who didn’t quite make the grade in security school; he sees more fun in leaking naked pics of people on the Internet.  OK, maybe the scan is not sooo naked but still an invasion of privacy none the less.

These scans wouldn’t have even picked up the “powder pants” guy and what about devices up in body cavities. No! Already perfected by drug smugglers, what’s the chances things will escalate to such a perverse act with a deranged idiot who believes he is about to become a martyr. Obviously, these guys believe all of their parts will still be intact on the other side with a promise of 72 virgins awaiting them. That would be funny if that turned out to be a misinterpretation of the scriptures…

“No, we said 72 vermins will await you.” “Due to bad karma, vermin (dictionary definition coming up) noxious, objectionable, or disgusting animals collectively, those of small size that appear commonly and are difficult to control, as flies, lice, bedbugs, cockroaches, mice, and rats or an objectionable or obnoxious person, or such persons collectively, are all you get for your actions.” “In your next life I hope you will think twice before blowing up a plane.”

An interesting fact that has been talked about is the people who managed to prevent a successful attack have been the passengers themselves. Security failed but passengers didn’t! All of these measures are designed to make us all feel safer but is really lining  the pockets of the manufacturers of scanners and security firms. Big expensive technological devices instead of good policing.

There has been some tongue and cheek in this post but generally I feel security is important. Where I fail to see the value is in taking away peoples rights, everything worked out unilaterally, without public consultation. Canadians aren’t the enemy and have not, I repeat not, been the gateway for terrorists. We can’t keep jumping through all of these hoops to satisfy the fears of a nation. The terrorists will always find ways to breach security, how far are we willing to go? Are they not winning if they strip us all of our own rights and freedoms? Keep us all living not in the land of the brave but of the fearful.

Message: Profile all you like, use intelligence and other means of security even before they get to the front door of our airport, but stop treating everyone as a potential suspect. We are one step away from losing what our ancestors fought for and it won’t be because of terrorism it will be due to our willingness to let our Government think for us instead of working with us.

Enjoy the following clip by Canada’s own Rick Mercer.

target="_blank">Rick Mercer’s Transport Canada Video

The Vancouver police department and Surrey RCMP made their plea both to the public and the rapist himself in an attempt to stop sexual attacks on children. We learned that this predator has a history that may stem back over 15 years. He uses the same m.o. which is to ask for help and then brandish a weapon to gain compliance from the victims.

It is heartbreaking to think how many victims there may well be. Equally as hard to digest is that his rein of terror has continued this long without an arrest. However, that is not uncommon. Many rapist have a fairly extensive history before they are caught. In fact, one may never really know the extent of the victims, as so many rapes go unreported.

Not to blame the police, but the question did enter my head as to what took them so long to release such information to the public? I’m assuming it took time to collate the cases from district to district to determine indeed the same man is responsible for several rapes. There is DNA evidence for at least three cases and similar files. What constitutes enough victims to warrant public notification?

I am glad they released the video and images so as the community at large can now be actively involved in catching this parasite. As some of you may know this topic is of particular interest to me having worked with assault and sexual assault victims. Part of my work also had my partner and I providing community talks on sexual assault prevention on behalf of the RCMP. That was some time ago, but still I see the same things that frustrated me then, come up from time to time.

Rapists can remain somewhat undetected by even their closest of friends and relatives. When caught, I have seen cases that get plead down so that an appropriate sentence for such a crime never sees the light of day. Released into the community rapist and pedophiles live amongst us without our knowledge…yes, because we have to protect their rights.

I don’t believe for a minute that these guys can be rehabilitated. A sexual predator like this man can not be cured. Yes, the police should appeal to his remorseful side and hopefully he will turn himself in, but what happens after he is in custody and makes his way to court is what I’m interested in.  How much time will he serve and how can we make sure he never gets out?

Raping women and children has long been a crime that can get less time than if somebody cons victims out of thousands of dollars. Fraud is bad especially if it involves the Government institutions, greedy investors or unsuspecting seniors. What puzzles me is how money trumped human life? We have all watched as some rapists victims have been released from their captors in the past year/s. History behind these guys is extensive and yet here we are dealing with them again.

If our police catch this monster we should make damn sure that we are watching the outcome of his case. It is not good enough to shake our head yet again and just feel for the little child and the family, it is time to stand up for them. Our society has too many victims of crimes such as this. No matter where you live somebody just like this guy is there, somebody who likes to prey on children or women. We need to see rape as it is; not sexual content as it is described in movies, not pleasurable as it is portrayed in porn, not asked for by what a woman or child is doing or wearing, it is a crime perpetrated against persons who have little to no ability to protect themselves.

I want the system to hold rapists fully accountable, tougher sentences. If they ever do get out, let the public know. Screw their rights, that was forfeited when they raped children and women!

Here is the link to the appeal made by police, sketches and information.

Sexual Predator targeted kids for 15 years

Also, my previous post from July 2009 which was in reaction to the rape of one of his victims.

I\’m so sorry

What was your first job and what did it teach you?

The first job we have is such a profound marker in life, a coming of age moment. The cutting of the chord, as it were, from our parents and a real indicator life is about to be very different. I have had many conversations with people about their first job and by virtue of being a career counselor/coach I have also been present at an individuals first leap into the world of work. What always intrigues me is how we get started and how we progress from those humble beginnings.

My first job was in retail. Working for one of the largest and most popular jean company Bootlegger. It was initially a challenge for me as I wasn’t always comfortable with pressure sales and up-selling; it felt a little like I was pushing the limits of trust between customer and clerk. What got me past my reservations was the all important first pay cheque, in addition to keeping a roof over my head and food in my stomach. Fresh out of high school and now independent it became an essential quality to look at the bigger picture as there was nobody else to blame if I failed to pay my rent.  I quickly learned that money wasn’t everything, there was more to a job and paycheque than meets the eye.

Many very famous people had some less than glamorous jobs but important starts. Gwen Stefani from the group No Doubt worked at Dairy Queen cleaning the floors. Kirstie Alley known for her role on the hit television show Cheers was a housekeeper; in an interview with Oprah she shared her knowledge of the best ways to clean a home. Barbara Walters was a secretary in an office before she began her career in journalism. Queen Latifah who has made her mark as a singer and actor worked at Burger King. Suze Orman the financial guru worked as a waitress. In fact, there were many cooks, waitresses, retail clerks and secretaries. Maya Angelou the brilliant poet and writer started out similarly but one interesting note was the distinction of being the first black female streetcar conductor in San Francisco.

What did my first job teach me? I certainly understood more about my values and developed skills I previously didn’t know I had. I used the word trust earlier when describing my interaction with customers, but really it was the importance of placing myself in other peoples’ shoes. Whether somebody came to me to get an honest opinion on buying an item or for advice the lesson I concluded was to be authentic. Fake just doesn’t cut it. I also now empathize with those that serve others as I know what it’s like being behind the counter.

Here are some other important things learned:

1.Strong work ethic: by working hard, pushing through challenge, putting in the time and showing willingness to learn, many doors can open.

2.Validation: I liked Kirstie speaking about being validated for her contribution as the housekeeper. She was able to take pride in her work and know that it was important and the skills obtained would be used many times in life. She shared “It gave me a vision for my own home.”

3. Making average great: Suze Orman profoundly remarked about how being a waitress helped her discover happiness. She stated “I learned that when you make average great, your dreams can become a reality.”

4. Perspective:  The first job can give you perspective. Life up to that point has been fairly structured and blinders were firmly attached. The first job opens us up the opportunity to find deeper meaning and understanding about self and others.

5. The Journey: None of the famous people noted or anyone I know had instantaneous success. Contrary to popular belief we don’t get to become CEO overnight. Starting at the bottom and working our way up has a lot of benefits. Maybe the pocket book is lighter but the experience and exposure to what and who can make a big difference is the long term gain.

6. Mentors Matter: Mentors are truly the unsung hero’s in our career development. The biggest impact on our professional lives whether youth or adult can often be found in a person who took the time to see the potential.

7. Money isn’t everything: Though there are famous women and men who have enjoyed huge success and now live life comfortably financially, it wasn’t the pursuit of the next dollar that got them there. Finding the joy, listening to the right people, setting goals and working hard brings us closer to the life we want.

Here’s something else from the book of Jennifer

- Nobody owes us nothing but if we trace backward we may find we owe someone something. It is usually gratitude for their wisdom, patience and willingness to take a chance on us. With naivety firmly intact we begin the career path. It doesn’t matter whether you are selling jeans, flipping burgers, wearing work boots or a hair net there is learning in everything we do. Nothing is beneath us except solid ground in which to start building upon.

What did your first job teach you?

Today, I attended a Chamber of Commerce meeting with a guest speaker whose expertise was in social media. Clearly, there is a lot to learn especially if you are a business. Conversations and community building has come a long way and just when you think you are tapped into this community something new comes along.

There is a whole lot of different names to go with this media world, some of which only made sense to me after he explained what they do. Slideshare, Digg, Ning, Scribd all were under my radar until listening to this speaker. I also learned where not to devote my time as a business owner, some things lean heavily to certain demographs and may not be suitable.

I’m not on Facebook, as I keep hearing conflicting information about the effectiveness and privacy issues. Outside of finding long lost friends is it worth my time? In fact, many times when I talk to people it is in the context of finding old buddies or ex partners where it appeals most. Now, I couldn’t do my job or be the friend I am without being a people person, but somehow I felt Facebook may just open me up to a whole lot of people I care not to know. Having said that, if there is a compelling reason to get my message out further and Facebook was the best avenue, I, like many others may go that route.

Did you know that Canadians are the biggest user of Facebook? I found out that people over 65 are growing in numbers as users of the site. (Guess they don’t have to worry about what pictures they put up after they retire)

Twitter, interesting. A colleague of mine says she has found it quite useful, I may need to explore it but again I’m undecided. I enter into all these areas with great hesitation and questions – Who is looking? What is the benefit? Do I need to know you or you me? Is what I have to say worth it? Is this just adding more to my under-developed but over-exposed techno mind? Thus causing a large amount of stress as I find the time and the inclination to be “socially” in touch.  Tweet ….”in my office debating whether to tweet or not to tweet.”

Then we have to use social media measurement tools, now I’m using tools to track who is tracking me. My head is spinning, how am I going to facilitate, write, coach/counsel, have personal time with all of this? Apparently, everyone has time for their job, marketing, blogging, facebooking (?) , tweeting and being Linkedin.

Then there is “followers” now that would have been considered very cult like years ago but now we encourage and rejoice in the number of followers we have and we follow too. Sure we are not handing our flowers or shaving our heads and there is no compound except if you count this box we are all happily typing into everyday. It is a shared experience for sure, we are sharing a lot of personal things like one big happy family, just not our money. If you make more money from any of these sites it is all yours!

Yes, it was quite the learning experience for me today. Great to be informed, off to do more research on all the social media sites and will try to pick those that keep me connected but not too much. I need a life.

This has been an incredible time in history to watch the compassion and concern that pours from the world towards Haiti.

Many in the entertainment industry using their status to encourage people to send money. Leaders making the decisions to send in troops and from there commanders coordinating the logistics of getting around in a damaged country. Doctors and nurses working around the clock with limited instruments, medicine and light.  All the rescue personnel coming together with the goal of saving lives. Pilots and crew flying people and cargo in and out of Haiti safely and frequently.

It is without a doubt so hard to see what has happened and we know that it will take a long time for recovery but what we are learning is how closely are spirits are connected.  We are not that different from each other and in times of great crisis we are blessed with the opportunity to be reminded of this.

It appears the miles and borders can’t separates us. We are so fragile and need each other. The images will continue to pass by us over the coming days and weeks but we must be vigilant in not letting this go under our radar to soon. There is great suffering and desperation which will play out and it may be hard to judge whether what we are doing with our aid is getting through. People are going to try to survive in any way they can and so would we if we were in their shoes. Our hands must extend to Haiti and to all those who suffer in this world, we are the fortunate ones and it is at this time when I am acutely aware how important it is to give.

Charities need our help and I don’t know if you experience this but when I give, my heart benefits. Just as much as they benefit from my time or money, I benefit too. So, to my readers. Love more, laugh more, hug someone today, smile at someone you don’t know and most of all give.  This is a movement to raise the consciousness of the world.

How has the tragedy in Haiti affected you? Has it moved you to think differently about life?

It has taken me time to process what is happening in Haiti right now. I have long since learned that sometimes a story or event needs time to unfold so as to better understand it. Our Internet explodes with everyone talking about the earthquake, researching or contributing to Haiti.

Each night since the earthquake hit I found myself, as I climbed into bed, silently realizing how lucky I truly am. I thought about the thousands of people who were going through another night wandering the dark streets, with no food, water or anything else but the clothes on their back. No comfortable bed like I was about to lay down in, no partner to hold or child to kiss goodnight.

If I was in that place, life would look so different and I might have this to share with you:

There is no job for me to go to, call to make, no distractions to shift reality or entertainment to use as an escape. No chance to call a friend or text with trivial updates. What I wear is no longer important, who I am and what I believe is inconsequential. I can vote for nothing and my money (if I have any) barely will help my cause. My safety from dawn to dusk keeps me in a constant state of stress. I am tired but I am afraid to sleep. I have nothing left as my world struggles to be rebuilt from the rubble around me. I’ve never seen anything like it and I don’t want to see anymore.

This is something that most of us will never know, thankfully this suffering may never touch our lives. However, nothing is certain and it is important that when such tragedies befall our fellow world citizens that we not lose sight of the mission.

The mission is to find a way to ease the pain, provide the necessary support in whatever way we can. To not forget at the end and beginning of each day that what we do can impact positively or negatively anyone or anything. We can provide money and aid which is so vitally needed but we must also know that this will be ongoing. It is hard in a world where there are so many who “need” and a small few who have so much power and money that could easily change the course of their lives.

Right now we raise money to erect statues in honor of people who have long since left our midst or give statues to recognize people who are only doing their jobs. Their contribution was greatly appreciated but we could have used the money for a greater purpose, one that may better represent what they stood for in the first place. We build buildings for ourselves to house so much of the benefits of being wealthy when others live in cardboard boxes. We care so much about a designer that we spend what would be someone’s yearly salary on a handbag to carry our money and beauty products. The food we throw away in one week often would feed a family. The complaints we have about our government and how they are not listening to our wants or recognizing our special interests is nothing to worry about in comparison to no honorable government at all.

I hold up hope for Haiti and all the other people who try to rebuild their lives despite natures wrath and/or man-made destruction. It is also my hope that we don’t forget that we are all one event away from such horror and all that you see around you right now will be meaningless. Only your life and your loved ones will matter in the hours and days following.

Donate to the Red Cross or any other reputable organization.

Canadian Red Cross

Now for something completely different…

I’m at my gym today and as I changed back into my street clothes my eye was drawn to wall advertising. Two pair of underwear, one was thong and the other was waist high panties.

OK, got my attention, mainly because I thought “Gee, I have both of these in my underwear drawer.” Without my trusty glasses, and staying a safe distance away so as not to appear like I needed the information, I strained to read the advertisement. It’s purpose, to guide me to information about birth control that would allow me to choose when to have my period, in fact their main tag line boasted about products to lessen my period.

Now, I’m all for a woman’s right to choose birth control so let’s just get that piece of information out of the way. What I’m not sure about is the methods that can either reduce menstruation substantially or even eliminate it for months at a time. Isn’t it important to menstruate? It obviously was supposed to be a part of our evolution whether we like it or not…which the majority will attest we don’t.

Are we screwing with our bodies so much that we could be damaging it? Is it possible that many years down the road they will be attributing cancers or other fertility problems directly to our desire not to embrace the cycle. Even toxic shock, which can happen to anyone, but is especially linked to things we insert to stop flow or pregnancy. Is that not a concern? Yet, how many girls do you know use tampons and other devices regularly without that knowledge.

I don’t know, maybe I’m over-reacting. Maybe advertising the ways to lessen our period is just fine. Leave it up to consumers to decide whether the lure of less or no period makes sense to them. It probably is no worse than the advertising telling me to “Have a Happy Period.” Try selling that one to me face to face in the middle of my menstruation buddy…you bleepin bleep bleep.

Five more lives were lost in Afghanistan but they are home now.

As I write this post, not far from where I live, hundreds of people have gathered for the funeral of a soldier killed in Afghanistan, Pte, Garrett William Chidley. He was 21 years old and this was his first mission. As I drove by the funeral home I was touched to see all of the cars lining the street, all the people who have come to pay their respect. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police with flashing lights, Fire Fighters had their ladder high in the air with the Canadian flag waving in the wind. Civilians, military and emergency services all coming together as part of the procession to his final resting place.

In the same armoured vehicle, that was hit just south of Kandahar City, was Michelle Lang. She becomes the first Canadian reporter to be killed since the mission began in 2002. We have learned more about this reporter with the Calgary Herald especially about her dedication to her work and how she died doing exactly what she loved. Michelle was to be married this summer. Her family, fiance, friends and colleagues gathered yesterday, also here in our great city to say goodbye.

Three more souls left our earth that day Sgt. George Miok, 28, Sgt. Kirk Taylor, Cpl. Zachery McCormack, 21 all died December 30, 2009. Across Canada private and public services have been held to show we care. We honor those that serve daily without the eyes of the world upon them. Canada has taken a hard hit in terms of the number of deaths and casualties associated with fighting the terrorists but support continues and we appreciate the sacrifices made by each and every soldier and their family.

After reading this post, please take a second to say your silent thank you for their service.

I listened again as she went over all the reasons why she didn’t go out today; in bed mid-afternoon with blankets tucked close to her body. She has done this many times, laying there resentful of others who go on with life, proclaiming there is nothing to do, making excuses to me as if I would believe them.

I want my call to be something more, I want to offer hope, drag her back from the depths of her despair.

In fact, when I do call she does manage to brighten up over time and slowly get out of bed. Right in the midst of our talk she rises, this holds some consolation to me,  but I know yet another day opened and closed, she missed the beauty of it all. Is it wrong to want more? So many wasted hours that could have been squeezed out for maximum enjoyment or even just wrapped cozily around without fear or frustration.

For some people, life was short. If they could do it all again, would they rise with the sun? Step out of their comfort zone more often? Bond more closely with people? Travel to more places? Watch more sunsets? Flop into bed late at night knowing they had drank fully from the cup of life?

I’m used to motivating clients and students and there is so many times when the thrill of hearing about their success made my day. Not because of my contribution but because I know what it took for them to get there. Our success comes in the discovery of our enumerable talents, seizing the opportunity, connecting with others, sharing the personal journey with people who love us or whom play a part in the realizations of our dreams. We are so rich!

Yet, finding the positive aspects of life can be so difficult for some people and when they are close to us the pain is greater. I live with many memories of great times, laughter, love and support so I don’t want to minimize the gifts and lessons. I also know I will feel some sadness for all the moments and days in which I could not reach this person. Ultimately, it is not my life and therefore I can’t control it. I certainly can’t profess to not have days myself where I wanted to pull the covers over my head, we all do. However, the frequency of wanting to hide like a turtle in a shell can well determine the state of overall health and there in lies the concern.

As I passed through from one year to the next I felt something unexplainable and as yet have no way to describe its presence, other than it’s powerful.  I celebrated a birthday with people I love deeply and for the first year in my entire life when I blew out the candles I did not even hesitate, I wished for someone else. If I get my wish, I will benefit by knowing they are healthy. Birthdays for me have never been wholeheartedly a marker of my age but more a celebration that I am alive! I reflect on what life may offer in the coming months and seem content to be open to the possibilities. I continue to meet wonderful people through blogging that in turn brighten my world and expand my horizons.

In writing this I expose another part of my personal world without naming the individual that provided so much inspiration. I guess that’s another seed in this post, everyone and everything inspires us…even if it is just to live…live…live!

I intend to seek out positive people and remind myself that what we know so far is.. that the sun will rise again and if we are lucky enough to greet it, it was a good day.