To: Dear Jeannie

Now you can spend a few minutes with Andy Rooney whenever you wish and have a chuckle or two.

Love Billie Boy xxx

This was the inscription on the inside of a book I purchased at a use book store, the book was Pieces Of My Mind by Andrew A. Rooney.

Today, I learned that Andy Rooney passed away and for that I’m sad. It doesn’t matter to me how old he was, I hate that preoccupation with attaching an age to everyone we write about, I’m just sad that he is no longer here. With his recent parting from 60 Minutes I was thinking he would write a book or do something that would keep us connected to his life musings. That was not to be. It would be hard for me to even pinpoint why I loved his work so much, sometimes it is just hard to know why you appreciate someone as much as you do. No real point in trying to unearth reasons other than to say his truthfulness and ownership of what he said and wrote was admirable.

When I read his words or heard him speak I was either laughing or nodding my head in agreement. In a previous post I referred to him as the “George Carlin” of news/opinion writing…without the profanity. There are few people who can thread the perceived complexities of life perfectly with the simplicity in which it needs to be seen. To me, there was always an undercurrent in his words that flowed into “see it for what it is.” The ‘it’ could be anything: a situation, an item or a sentiment. Whether experienced, bought or told we really can make a whole lot of something out of nothing.

He didn’t feel there was any ‘magic’ to what he did but I still think he underestimated his contribution to our world. Mirroring the strangeness, joys and frustrations associated with our human experience is what Andy Rooney did best. It is hard to imagine that he ever turned off his mind from observing life, if he did it was fleeting because the amount of material he has on how he and we have lived is really incredible. From war time to breakfast cereal, fan mail to politicians, the usefulness of household items to holiday observances; was there anything that got by him?

Now, the shelves of papers and books will be packed up and the desk will be cleaned. An old typewriter will find another home to proudly sit and his clothes donated to a community organization. His books will continue to be sold and his 60 Minutes appearance will be prized. His friends, family and all of us who appreciated him will have unified moments of grief for a man who did what he loved to do. I guess, like Jeannie, I will be able to spend moments with Andy Rooney every time I flip a page in his book, followed by a chuckle or two.

If there is an after life for Mr. Rooney, I sure would love to be his connection to giving us his viewpoint of life on the other side. I bet it would make for some great writing.

Rooney on Thanksgiving

Andy Rooney – My Lucky Life

60 Minutes – Andy Rooney

On Facebook, Twitter, Blogs and Websites we are letting it all hang out and that’s not always a good thing. Many people who are attempting to find basic employment or running for more high level positions have found themselves scrambling to either remove or explain their actions or words. Recently, Jason Lamarche who is a Non-Partisan Association Vancouver Council hopeful found that his past caught up to him after a site he created called “Date Matrix” became newsworthy. Rating his dates, when he was in college, has made some people question his integrity. His woes are still not over as the media digs for more dirt and his current way of handling the situation is not instilling confidence.

Overly scandalous it is not at this point. Trashy, classless, demeaning and immature? You bet. Regardless of how it turns out, it is a lesson on the impact of putting yourself out there on the web. We can all be short sighted and the Internet generation, in particular, just doesn’t seem to grasp the enormity of the problem as it pertains to the personal use of social media and their ever developing careers. Whether we like it or not people pass judgement, companies try to build a team of similiar values and public office holds people to a higher standard. As we know, that doesn’t mean we are going to get people of honesty, integrity and civility but we like to keep hoping for it.

Even in my own writing I often have thought, “Can I live with this?” “Will this statement or observation be offensive and cause some backlash at a later date?” However, I’m not actively rating my ex-lovers, posting nude pictures of myself or swearing in every sentence. Anyway, my Mum would kill me! We all have to be cognisant of the fact that we are being watched, evaluated and at some point need to compete to build up the career of our dreams.

It is not in anyone’s best interest to think it doesn’t affect your chances; because it does. What separates us all is not just our credentials or our work experience. It is our personality that can put us over the winning line in a neck and neck race.  Do we have the attributes people are looking for? Employers can build upon our skills, invest in our education but they aren’t going to spend time trying to change who we are. If you don’t jive with the culture, you don’t jive.

If you are on any form of social media be aware of what you are doing and saying. You have a long life ahead and who knows what opportunities you may explore in the future. Don’t have it screwed up by a stupid, incentive act or words that come back to haunt you. Think before you Tweet. Factor in the consequences before you share on Facebook and Be careful with your Blog. None of these things should ever be the reason that you miss an opportunity to shine… for the right reasons!

Human Sex Trafficking is something we would prefer not to know exists but it does. Lisa Ling is prepared to take us into that world on her show OUR AMERICA this Sunday October 30th at 7pm PST on OWN (Oprah Winfrey’s Network) and I will be watching…

3 AM GIRLS.

I encourage you to do so even though I know many reading this may not feel comfortable with the topic. However, I believe those girls whose stories will be revealed deserve to be heard; their stories ARE important. It is highly likely nobody has shown them any respect in a very long time, if ever and if they were brave enough to come forth and share anything with Ms. Ling I feel compelled to honor that.

The fact is that people are buying and selling women and children and that is a crime against us all. When we learn what is really going on out there in our communities we are put in a position of strength. We are able to offer safety and compassion to a child or woman. The charity starts at home and by that I mean, watch this show or anything else you can get your hands on to become informed and move outward from there. Send a message to the lost souls that we are trying to shine a light on their darkness. One story can make a real difference in your thinking; I know that it did for me.

In my latest column for TimeFinders Magazine I decided to speak about my own educational upgrading that has focused on the ins and outs of business marketing and development. If you are a small business owner you know that every once and awhile you need to check in to see whats working and whats not. Capturing clients with your product or service in today’s world takes a heck of a lot of work and resting back on same old marketing techniques is not the answer.

As I describe there have been some head exploding moments on my way to branding enlightenment. If you asked me to even fully describe what branding really is I would probably would defer to other experts for the answer. I am a babe in the woods whacking my way through a myriad of “must do’s” and “should haves” for clients to get to know and reach me. In between all of this learning, I’m working diligently with my clients on their own self and professional development. UGG!

There are days when I have to admit that after all these years it might be great just to work for someone else and hang up all the hats I wear in order to keep this business upwardly mobile. However, I then remember the reasons why I made the move to self employment.

* I could use a holistic approach to working with clients, not dependent on prescribed time lines; uniquely tailoring service for their needs. They become partners in a process not a numbered file.

* I love autonomy – an idea is born and I can run with it or toss it.  Also, I choose who I work with.

* It speaks to my need for self care and fits my lifestyle.

* I have the freedom to change direction at anytime.

* I’m not limited to one area and therefore continuously meet fabulous people; colleagues and clients that are inspiring on so many levels.

So, if you are like me, in business and thinking about how to freshen it up and think outside the box, maybe take that precious little moment you get to read my column and see what you think. Maybe there is something in it for you to take away and use. Of course, the next step is for me to implement what I have learned….it never ends!

KEEPING UP APPEARANCES FOR SMALL BUSINESS

As the days countdown to Halloween, I wonder just how many will be on the streets trick or treating? As the years have gone by I have seen less and less children wandering around with parents to collect their goodies. In a past post I described my sadness and slight frustration that children were no longer coming to the door, as I have always enjoyed seeing their costumes and giving away candy on Halloween night.

The sadness came as I realized that I may live on a street that will not support this event properly and the frustration followed when I saw that many trick or treaters were ushered to the mall because of parental fears for their children’s safety. I don’t think I will ever get the picture out of my mind of children in costumes lined up outside the mall doors with a mall security guy standing there waiting to allow their entry. In my mind that is ridiculous! However, whether out of fear or busy parent schedules, kids Halloween memories may be solidified by shuffling up to a store counter rather than a welcoming door.

If some of it is based on fear…How did we get to be so afraid of our children (with their parents) going out on Halloween?

What caused such a need to insulate children from the one night that in generations past was such an anticipated event?

For those who are older – Think about all those pictures that lay in an old photo album of yourself, or your children, in costumes that were destined to be talked about for years to come. Do you remember the thrill as a kid of going out at night, no matter what the weather, with your parent, siblings and even friends…out at night! How cool was that?

Every day there are far more ways for a child to be in danger than on Halloween night but still there are many out there that are afraid of Halloween. People have stopped decorating their homes (including me) because it just didn’t seem worth the bother anymore. The fear mongers successfully changed the experience and now the sanitized, overly safety conscious version of it can be found before dark in a mall or some rendition of the like. I debate my role in this, as I feel I have given up and should be more a part of the revitalization of this event.

In the meantime here is my positive shout out…For those that still make the trek through the neighbourhoods, leave on their lights to welcome the kids and put on a fabulous displays my hat is off to you! Have fun and don’t ever be afraid of Halloween!

Here is a link to Dunbar Haunted House – read the about page to find out more about the people who also noticed a drop in children to their door; so they did something about it. Dunbar Haunted House is attracting families and supporting charities through their hard work.

Terry Thompson of Ohio released his exotic animals into the community before killing himself which then caused the unfortunate deaths of 49 of those animals. The question is “Should any private citizen have the right to purchase and keep exotic animals?

Now, I understand that there is a myriad of wild animals, birds, fish and reptiles that qualify under that category but how far do we need to go to protect those animals and protect communities from this type of captivity? Private ownership I believe should not be aloud especially when we are talking about tigers, lions, monkeys and other types of animals that require vast roaming areas, need specialized care and are potentially lethal to anyone who comes in contact with them.

I’m not an expert on this stuff but I just don’t know why any person who is not directly involved in the conservation or rehabilitation of an animal should be allowed to keep these creatures. If plain logic doesn’t prevail then there should be strong regulations in place, animal protection agencies in constant contact and when a law is broken be swift with punishment. That is always in our ideal world but that is precisely why no state should allow private ownership. There simply is not enough funds available, boots on the ground and eyes on these compounds to ensure compliance.

Here’s another question “Why does private ownership exist?”

* Human interest in possessing a non-native or rare creature

* Financial gain from the use or viewing of these animals

* Status

I think this incident was tragic due to the loss of so many beautiful animals who were not living the life they were designed to live. It was scary for a community that was plunged into a chaotic situation that nobody could prepare or be trained for. There is accountability that is needed at top levels to find out why the state did not see the value in banning such ownership. It is the chance to see the bigger picture that there was no justification for keeping these creatures and little compassion granted until they laid dead. (except for the efforts of some to deal previously with animal abuse complaints)

Jack Hanna mentioned on a news broadcast that the wife of Mr. Thompson was devastated that “her children” were taken or killed. That right there, is a statement that for me outlines our unhealthy relationship with wild animals. They are not our children, they are not even ours to keep. They are not best served by being kept in cages or peering from behind glass enclosures. By transferring our human feelings and needs to wild animals we lose sight of their purpose for living. A purpose that never once was to collide with ours; but it does and it has.

What is your opinion? Should private ownership of exotic animals exist? If not…Why? If so…Why? and Is there specific animals that should be banned from that ownership?

As Canada celebrates the death of one serial killer, Clifford Robert Olson and as British Columbia continues its inquiry into the handling of the case against serial killer Robert Pickton we are now hearing about another alleged killer in our midst. Cody Alan Legebokoff is 21 years of age and has been charged with the deaths of four women in the Prince George area. A total of 18 women have been missing between the Prince George and Prince Rupert communities (the highway of tears) and it is quite possible that this individual may have contributed to more disappearances and murders. However,again it must be said at this time Legebokoff has only been charged not convicted of the deaths of four women.

For all intense and purposes this guy didn’t stand out in any way to family or community. In fact, he seemed to have a very average young mans lifestyle; he had family, friends, worked and played sports. Legebokoff had traveled between both BC and Alberta for employment and raised no red flags as far as we the public have been told. However, isn’t that always the case. Men who abuse women, buy women, torture and kill women can not easily be singled out of the crowd. They often become suspects only by a miscalculation on their part or a witness coming forward. Before that occurred, they were just somebodies son, brother or  husband.

Behind the shock of a community is the unimaginable suffering that befalls his family. What if you truly didn’t know that your son, as in the potential case of Cody, was a killer? How do you as a parent come to terms with what is happening? How do you reconcile the emotion with facts? Where do you go from here? I have sympathy for the secondary victims in cases such as these. Cases in which a family or spouse had no inclination that their loved one participated in such horrific crimes. With Olson (I am reluctant to even keep saying his name) I was incensed with the money his wife received as a result of his confession; I truly believe she should have given that to the victims families. Having said that, it is hard to ever know how these families cope.

When I think too about the family of these women, my heart aches. I can only hope that many people continue to surround them with support and speak their daughters names with the respect they deserve. If  Cody Legebokoff is found responsible we need to stand in solidarity with them to see this killer never makes it out of prison. My hope is that our system does not make the mistake in the future of allowing anyone to profit from confessions; no bargains should be made with the devil.

There still is so much work to be done to address the violence against girls and women; in particular aboriginal women. Prostituted women and those whose lives have been affected by drugs and child sexual abuse need the most protection from these types of predators. Our mentality must change, that we see all women as precious not dispensable.

The mindset of these men are the extreme versions of what is intrinsic in our culture. Lack of empathy, distorted views about male and female relationships and misinformation about women/girls in general that fuel a misogynistic fire. There is no respect or dignity in half of what we see projected about the lives of women and their value in our world. In a sick mind this is compounded ten fold. If you are a women who has been marginalized, commodified and ostracized by community you are very vulnerable. This must stop!

We all need to take a long, hard look at how we participate in the acceptance of abuse against women. How we continue to raise sons in a way that still accepts an outdated “boys will be boys” attitude, that is not substantiated by science but more so cultural influence. How we turn a blind eye to our prostituted sisters because we can’t see that they feel, breathe and bleed as we do. That our laws still protect money better than they protect human life.

We may not be able to eradicate the existence of serial killers, torturers and abusers but we sure as hell can turn our attitude and laws around to move towards protection, prevention, compassion and healing for those who are marked as prey.

With peace and remembrance for Loren Dawn Leslie (15 years old), Cynthia Frances Maas, Natasha Lynn Montgomery, Jill Stacey Stuchenko.

A recent conversation with someone reminded me how many people struggle to have an authentic relationship with their parent or parents. Do you have the parent you wanted? or Do you have expectations that were never fulfilled? It seems that hurt feelings and heat of the moment rants can carry forward and in this case is placing a burden on everyone who is close to the situation.

As I progressed through our talk I remembered my own struggle to let go of the parent I wanted and see that parent I had. It was a road traveled with the help of a good therapist early in my adult life; after I had left home. I was out there beginning a new chapter but what I was reading was the same book I had read a thousand times over. I felt cheated, I did not want a relationship with my parent and I carried a lot of anger.

I wore the memories like a badge depicting survival. I cried out the questions that started with “Why?” or “Why not?” I combed through every piece of evidence that my parent wasn’t right until I exhausted myself. I gained small victories in the beginning just by voicing my feelings but over time I came to realize the depth of my pain and anguish was harming me. I was leaving the door open for more of the same to come my way and I was just plain tired.

There came a point when words of wisdom were imparted that allowed me to see another side. I could spend my life pining for the parent I wanted growing up or I could let go, forgive and see the parent that stands before me now. From that point onward I made a concerted effort to recognize the person behind that “parent” title and practice forgiveness and compassion. I came to see that my parents did the best they could…they really did. Each came with a set of upbringing and circumstances of their own that they needed to navigate and as such we were all growing up together.

The questions became “How long am I willing to carry all of this?”— “Do I really want to spend my life looking backwards rehashing where I came from instead of where I’m going?”— “Is there anything that my parent could say that would erase it all?”— The answers came back NO, NO and NO, I’m not willing to carry this all of my life! In that moment I was freer than I had ever been. I saw my parent in a whole new light. I began a relationship that lasts to this day with an understanding this person grew and so did I.

We don’t get to pick our parents and we all have an image of what we believe they should be. Relationships in general  are like that… full of unrealized dreams and wonderful surprises. We have a choice to forgive, we have an opportunity to learn and we have chance to move forward. We can see them as works in progress and grant them ability to live their life accordingly. We can set boundaries and recognize our own triggers and we can choose to engage or walk away. We can set aside the preconceived notion that they could have been anything than what they were/are.

At some point, most parents deserve a pass. Only those that have been severely neglectful may not receive that courtesy. I believe it is important to talk to someone outside the family to gain clarity on your feelings and then I think there comes a time when one needs trust their own judgement.

The truest of connections can only come through invitation and what I discovered was the invite didn’t need to be extended to the other person but more importantly to myself.

“I invite you to be free and to know that you make the call as to whether this hurt will continue to travel down your life path. I invite you to note that your parent is as flawed as you are. I invite you to accept that your parent is having experiences that are just as meaningful to their evolution as yours are to you.  I invite you to be at peace.”

It was disappointing to learn that Andy Rooney whom I have watched for… well I don’t know but it is a heck of a long time, is signing off from his segment on 60 Minutes. He made it clear he is “not retiring” but will no longer be part of the Sunday evening show. Though, 60 Minutes itself captured my attention most of the time it was Andy Rooney who I waited for all of the time. I loved his curmudgeonly personality and never for one moment thought it was an act. Just by looking at his desk and surrounding items it was easy to tell “he is, who he is.”

He was like the George Carlin of news/opinion writing…of course without the profanity and funky wardrobe. He reflected life back at the viewer in a way that was both thought provoking and even humorous. He demonstrated in words and visuals some absurdities in our logic and strangeness in our activities. Up to that point we hadn’t clued in but Mr. Rooney did. We peered into so many aspects of our existence that it was difficult not to get hooked on his commentary. There was something for everyone!

You didn’t have to always agree with his opinions (though, I rarely disagreed) but it was easy to respect the cleverness in his words. Thankfully we have several books to keep that alive. However, I really do think I will miss seeing him. There is something about his presence that makes me feel good. It is like taking a class from a very important professor…but he wouldn’t like that. In fact, he doesn’t care about what people see in him and certainly didn’t understand why anyone would place him on any pedestal. He is a writer and producer; that is all.

So, he probably wouldn’t appreciate me missing him or my opinions on what made him great to watch but I don’t care either, Mr. Rooney. You will never see my blog or even care about blogs and that’s alright by me. I don’t need your autograph and I don’t mind that I will never speak with you personally. Being in the same room with you was never even a goal I could aspire too. However, giving you a heartfelt thank you for being good at what you do and helping me think outside the cereal box should be OK with you, sir. Mind you, that’s just my opinion and you are free to disagree.

The One and Only Andy Rooney

Somewhere in the Peace Arch Hospital’s Residential Care Pavilion is a woman waiting to die. She is a ward of the Province which means her care is subsidized but she didn’t have to be. Let me tell you a short story about who she was, how she came to this place and just who put her there.

Wendy (name has been changed for this post) had lead an active life with her husband; they were inseparable. They enjoyed many interests including love of travel and square dancing. They had a modest home on a corner double lot in New Westminster BC which they enjoyed for many, many years. What was nice about being in that neighbourhood was the proximity to amenities and wonderful neighbours who helped them maintain their garden as it became difficult in the senior years. They had no plans to move just grow old in their home surrounded by the things that had become familiar and well loved.

It was less than five years ago when Wendy’s husband became ill and died. He had lived a long life but still it was tragic for Wendy after a long marriage, two children and a lifetime of memories. How was she to go on? On top of all this she had been slowly losing her eye sight. However, being in her home she knew where everything was and tried her best to go about life in her ever darkening world. Her neighbours were still helpful, a housekeeper would come in to clean up, she had meals-on-wheels provided for her and other friends were happy to stay in touch.

There came a day when her daughter, who had been travelling back and forth to check in on her mother, decided that maybe having her mother in a care facility would make better sense. Her brother, who was also involved in this idea, agreed. Despite their mothers reservations with such an idea they went ahead and set in motion her move to a semi-independent living facility. At first it was challenging for Wendy but at least there were things to do and people to see.

One day Wendy took a fall that required her to go to hospital it was there she remained for months to come. She was visited by her daughter, (when she wasn’t traveling the globe or golfing) received calls/visits from her grandson and had some minimal contact with her son but she desperately did not want to stay in the Peace Arch Hospital. This wing of the hospital seemed to hold a lot of people who looked as though they were never going to leave and she felt like a prisoner. The therapy to repair her injury, by her account, was not consistent nor helping. She feared this was her last stop.

Meanwhile, her house and large subdiviable lot was sold and given its location would fetch a substantial amount of money…estimated upwards of $500,000 – $700,000. Money that she would not see a dime of, as little did she know, she was already a ward of the Province. Her assets had been signed over to her daughter and son. I’m sure both Wendy and her late husband believed their children would take good care of handling such matters of their care and use the  money wisely to that end. In a conversation with one of Wendy’s friends it became clear that they were afraid that paying for her care out of that money would mean over time there would be nothing left for them. So, instead they turned her over for tax payers to subsidize.

Astonishingly, besides what appears to be utter disrespect for their mother, is that these individuals don’t even need the money. Both have been highly successful and live extremely well. In fact, the daughter lives in a beautiful home overlooking the ocean in the prestigious White Rock, BC area and the son owns both a house and recreational property. Suffice-to-say, they soon grew tired of their mothers insistence that living this way was not for her. She wanted to go home! The unfortunate reality is there was no home to call her own anymore.

She was eventually moved from her hospital bed to the pavillion where she prays every week to die. She has her faculties about her with only periodic confusion most likely set about by her lack of stimulation and possible medication. She feels particulary frustrated by her inability to change this situation. Wendy hates being dependent on others especially having to use a wheelchair and finds it extremely embarassing to need people to handle her hygiene requirements. She has on several occassions been in a position where no attendant came to her aid despite pressing the button and Wendy soiled herself. This is all too much for her, she feels unwanted and alone.

This is a sad story and one that doesn’t have a good ending. Wendy remains languishing in her own personal hell, a prisoner in place she need not be. There was money and care facilities that could have been perfect for Wendy. A place where she could have her medical needs met while still providing a modicum of independence. More vibrant facilities that are upscale in design and amenities. However, Wendy was not provided those luxuries with her own money instead she was sent away by the very people she cared for most of her life. The very people whose lives are as rich as they are because their parents raised them well enough to survive and thrive in this world.

For some people they have no choice but to place their senior family member in subsidized care and that is why it must exist. However, there are Wendy’s out there and they should be given options. They don’t want to be treated like a child and need to feel like they still matter. To some the elderly become a burden and the money seems more appealing than caring for their parent.  Is this case elder abuse and a misuse of our subsidized system? I think so.