I listened again as she went over all the reasons why she didn’t go out today; in bed mid-afternoon with blankets tucked close to her body. She has done this many times, laying there resentful of others who go on with life, proclaiming there is nothing to do, making excuses to me as if I would believe them.
I want my call to be something more, I want to offer hope, drag her back from the depths of her despair.
In fact, when I do call she does manage to brighten up over time and slowly get out of bed. Right in the midst of our talk she rises, this holds some consolation to me, but I know yet another day opened and closed, she missed the beauty of it all. Is it wrong to want more? So many wasted hours that could have been squeezed out for maximum enjoyment or even just wrapped cozily around without fear or frustration.
For some people, life was short. If they could do it all again, would they rise with the sun? Step out of their comfort zone more often? Bond more closely with people? Travel to more places? Watch more sunsets? Flop into bed late at night knowing they had drank fully from the cup of life?
I’m used to motivating clients and students and there is so many times when the thrill of hearing about their success made my day. Not because of my contribution but because I know what it took for them to get there. Our success comes in the discovery of our enumerable talents, seizing the opportunity, connecting with others, sharing the personal journey with people who love us or whom play a part in the realizations of our dreams. We are so rich!
Yet, finding the positive aspects of life can be so difficult for some people and when they are close to us the pain is greater. I live with many memories of great times, laughter, love and support so I don’t want to minimize the gifts and lessons. I also know I will feel some sadness for all the moments and days in which I could not reach this person. Ultimately, it is not my life and therefore I can’t control it. I certainly can’t profess to not have days myself where I wanted to pull the covers over my head, we all do. However, the frequency of wanting to hide like a turtle in a shell can well determine the state of overall health and there in lies the concern.
As I passed through from one year to the next I felt something unexplainable and as yet have no way to describe its presence, other than it’s powerful. I celebrated a birthday with people I love deeply and for the first year in my entire life when I blew out the candles I did not even hesitate, I wished for someone else. If I get my wish, I will benefit by knowing they are healthy. Birthdays for me have never been wholeheartedly a marker of my age but more a celebration that I am alive! I reflect on what life may offer in the coming months and seem content to be open to the possibilities. I continue to meet wonderful people through blogging that in turn brighten my world and expand my horizons.
In writing this I expose another part of my personal world without naming the individual that provided so much inspiration. I guess that’s another seed in this post, everyone and everything inspires us…even if it is just to live…live…live!
I intend to seek out positive people and remind myself that what we know so far is.. that the sun will rise again and if we are lucky enough to greet it, it was a good day.