It is often hard to give ourselves permission to stop and truly take care of self.
Lately, I have been pulling out many hats and switching them several times throughout the day. There are moments of clarity where I talk to my self and say, “What the heck are you doing, Jennifer?” The answer comes back, “stop and have lunch, drink water, breathe, damn it breathe.” Still I proceed unsympathetic to its pleas, after all there is a list of things to do and a timeline in which to do it.
There are also roles; that are defined very early on in relationships with family, friends and significant others. Each person, for the most part, is busy too and therefore has difficulty noticing if we are burning the candle at both ends. There is a person who might pipe and say, “Why don’t you just not do that?” OK, I could put it aside but the odd thing is, the darn thing will be waiting for me tomorrow or next week when I’m equally busy, so how does that help? What’s even odder is that thing you put off, waits until you’re just about to drop off to sleep and then creeps into your head and says in a whispering voice, “Don’t forget…. tomorrow” And I’m awake again.
So, today I took time out at the spa. “Ahhhh.” It was there in the low lights, relaxing music and with the gentle hands of Leanne providing me with a well needed facial, I had a moment. Here I am imparting the wisdom of women balancing their life and careers and I’m not taking my own advice. Asking women to take time out for self and sharing how those around you will benefit from your self care and here I was forgetting to even take a proper breath.
This time at the spa was a luxury I do not afford myself often. Financially it is not always feasible, sometimes I feel guilty for loving it so much and as you can see I don’t allow time. It is my choice to wear all those hats and sometimes a hat is donated and worn to alleviate someone else. Either way, saying “No” is a word that is hard to say, even for me.
So, this counsellor needs to take her own advice more often and the advice of those loving people who observe the flames as I streak by them on my way to the next project.
Taking care of self should not be the gift you give yourself, but the norm. I have to say, I will need to explore this further, reach deep and overcome. In the meantime, I will start small, reduce the current array of hats and know that “Delegation” and saying “NO”, are not dirty words. My face is clean and so to is my conscience for taking an hour + for self.