Curiosity Killed the Cat
Curiosity killed the cat – guilt alone is seldom enough.
Curiosity killed the Cat was a proverb that seemed somewhat appropriate for this story. At the end of August 2009, a man named Jack Crone plead guilty to one count of child pornography. A prominent business man, husband and father of seven found his addiction to child porn more valuable than all he had been blessed with in his life. What started as curiosity (by his own admission) became an all consuming fixation, resulting in over a thousand images being downloaded to his home and office computer.
I have mulled over this story and up till now remained silent. It was not enough to rehash the incredible disgust I felt for his actions, that was a given. I held no sympathy for “his” situation and knowing that he will never get a sentence that matches what I would do to him if I had the power, was hardly comforting. He pleaded for forgiveness for his “curiosity” but all I could think of was how many children he watched that pleaded for their lives and how those children will grow up to be the broken souls of tomorrow. The souls many more will most likely exploit.
I couldn’t help but think further about the roles of secrecy and guilt. He has lost his job, wife and his children for the most part are not speaking to him. In all the years these people lived (or worked) with him, nobody saw his home or office computer. While his wife was going about her day, his children around his home, his employees working diligently, he was downloading porn. What a shock! Not really.
Did his wife walk in the room and watch him click off immediately? Was his office nicely tucked away from the peering eyes of colleagues? How well did he hide this from his closest friend(s) or did he?
We do know that nobody was watching this guy from the inside but thankfully someone was watching from the outside. (A job I would not want, ever.)
Then there is the issue of guilt. The brief moments of guilt he may have felt were not enough, nor was the guilt real. It did not make him change his behaviour, but he probably felt somewhat better about himself. Ultimately, he did not move toward responsibility, he repeated the same act over and over again. In his mind there was some justification for continuing, “it was victimless” …he wasn’t hurting anybody, nobody knew. Isn’t that the way personal responsibility gets cast aside, through false justification?
Maybe, just maybe, too much privacy breeds opportunity for those that have deceptive natures. In a truly open and loving relationship, with fully trust worthy individuals, would there be a need for passwords, alternate email accounts, hidden files or truths? Could he have gotten away with his act if his notebook was open?
Of course not, that fact is we have become a society that relishes the idea that tucked in this techno box we can hide away all of our secrets. One click away from our curiosities or conversations rendering us senseless. Many people ask for transparency and believe they stand on the foundation of trust but how many are really on solid footing? His wife thought she knew him, his children thought they knew their father, but how secure do they feel now?
My questions are many, I know. To move away from his despicable act, plea and sentencing, so as to explore the areas of the false guilt and secrecy. Neither are healthy to self or others. Through good teachings I learned real guilt will stop you in your tracks, have you accept responsibility and make amends. False guilt and secrecy throws a veil over everything, it can cast a wide hurt-filled net with only yourself to blame.
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Quite a subject for someone planning an imminent wedding, Jen!
Internet Child pornography is a very large international thriving industry, which casts a huge dark shadow over our supposed enlightened modern world.
One man who dedicated much of his Police career to combatting the problem, finally in desperation e-mailed someone, who, he hoped would help design a worldwide coordinated detection system. (Operation Ore proved its worth.)
The name of the man who sent that e-mail, is Sgt Paul Gillespie, (now retired from Toronto Police Sex crimes), but still actively working on the problems and solutions.
Did Bill Gates help? YES.
Now we have CEOPS an online tracking and detection sytsem..
Want to know more? Read the book, “One child at a time.”
(Paul Gillespie is one of the guest speakers at the B.C. Crime prevention conference on September 24.)
Get back to something more cheeerful, woman!!!
Thinking of you and wishing you clear skies and smooth seas.
Thank you for the comments and the heads up about Sgt. Paul Gillespie. It would have been good to hear him speak but the book suggestion I’m sure will be helpful to anyone who wishes to explore the topic further.
As for getting back something more cheerful…you never know what I write about on this blog. Will have to see what comes from mind to page next. No guarantees.
the world is a better place with people like you who are not only aware of the misfortunate happenings around, but do something about them. Congrats on the wedding, sounds exciting….
Thank you so much for the compliment, congrats and the comment. Welcome to my blog. As hard as these stories are to hear it becomes part of my learning. The misfortunes in our society has most often been the impetus for others to become vocal. A cause is born.
Your questions were on the mark.I am an adult abused by one of his children years back.The person was my next door neighbour and our mothers were best friends.The child for many years has openly said this happened as a result of the awful abuse from their father.The crazy,scary mixed up emotions and actions were then played out on myself and other children under this persons care.
Jacks ex wives and family knew about his “likes” hence the divorces.My own situation was reported to the ministry of H.H but I couldn’t emotionally handle a trial and opted to not press charges….something I regret with all my soul.I did try to tell the mother of the victim/slash abuser to me but she made it out that I was menatally ill and unstable.
My mom lost all of her friends as she could not face the family and I begged her to let it be ( I wasn’t yet even a teen)My parents then understood why all of a sudden I stopped being able to sleep through the night.When this person babysat me they called it “learning” I guess what their father was doing to them.I blocked much out but do remember stripping down naked,being forced to eat this persons toe nails & other awful abusive actions.I was told I would have to jump off Lions Gate bridge if I tols and at the age of 6-7 I believed I would die.My sitter was not much older then I but old enough for me to be very frightened.Close enough to take me to school,sometimes from school and babysit on weekends.My saving grace was moving away.
Jack Crone bought off his children he abused with lavish gifts of money and fine cars.Many people in the community of Norgate know this.I’m so sorry to those that suffered at his and his families hands that I did not come forth with a more stronger and lasting fight for justice.I will never forgive myself.
Nancy, I have responded via email to your comment but wanted to share more with the readers of this blog. You have provided us all with an insight into this story and bravely shared in a way that has me needing to thank you.
I do not take what you have done lightly, you have moved many beyond the words. What is striking is your message about how far the net of abuse can be cast. So many victims primary and secondary, so many secrets needing to be kept.
Your reluctance to towards charges or court is perfectly understandable. I worked for many years with victims of assault, sexual assault and child sexual assault. The process is hard, subjecting individuals to many uncomfortable moments. There have been many changes over the years to support the victims but still the fear is a real one.
More often than not, Nancy, I was more likely to see that a person with such a background like Jack Crone or indeed many abusers did not see proper justice regardless of the hard working efforts of victims and police. That is not to say that it isn’t worth it but simply, it is a long road that one needs to be mentally and physically prepared for. It wasn’t your time to place yourself in that role. And that is OK.
There are many others to take the blame for allowing abusers, like you described, to continue. Their silence was not based on anything I can support.
Again, I commend you for coming forward. Your gift is immense to us all in the telling of your story. As mentioned in my email, I have taken many breaths to find the right words to express how deeply I feel about the time you took to share this and how you will change lives through your words.
That is YOUR gift to us all; a moment to reflect further, to understand what the soul remembers long before/after these people stand in front of our courts, and to not accept the silence by those that were more in a position to make a difference.
Nancy, I am so sorry for what happened and that nobody could protect you. I hope that you will move towards forgiveness of self, as so many things were taken from you but how to proceed was your choice to make. Many of us can empathize with your decision, you were already fighting a battle and you won by being here today – a voice stronger than ever and we thank you deeply.
Thank you for your kind,strong words.This has already given me the gift of peace.I really appreciate having the forum to express this situation.I have held my tongue for many years…in this almost “small town” of N.Vancouver I met mutual friends of his & his family one of whom abused me.I even was assigned to care for his father (another lost soul) when he was dying.I was lucky enough to be able to confide in a close coworker that was also my friend and she took over his care.The most frustrating thing was to hear all the other nurses say how generous and good Jack was to his dying father ( $$$ possibly had something to do with it ..I don’t know) All the while knowing what an evil man he was/is.
My abuser did apologize to me in later life,telling me of their own abuse and confirming they had abused others in a babysitting situation.This took courage for this person and my heart ached for them and their pain yet also knew that at the time they knew it was wrong.The real criminal was Jack.He IS more then just a collector and net viewer.(which is BAD enough) I’m sorry for the pain his family has had,it is easy to judge until you have it thrust upon you.That they said this cover up goes on and on.I know he has most likely abused many of YOUNG children in very horrid ways.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your care,support and kind inspiring words.I write this as tears pur from my eyes with sadness and yet relief.Maybe tonight I can lay some of this to rest and sleep.
I’m so glad for people that care for others as do you and your readers,once again thankyou.
Sorry for some of my spelling…near the end it should read..that said ,this cover up goes on and on.I know he has abused many other young children.