Taking care of Self
It is often hard to give ourselves permission to stop and truly take care of self.
Lately, I have been pulling out many hats and switching them several times throughout the day. There are moments of clarity where I talk to my self and say, “What the heck are you doing, Jennifer?” The answer comes back, “stop and have lunch, drink water, breathe, damn it breathe.” Still I proceed unsympathetic to its pleas, after all there is a list of things to do and a timeline in which to do it.
There are also roles; that are defined very early on in relationships with family, friends and significant others. Each person, for the most part, is busy too and therefore has difficulty noticing if we are burning the candle at both ends. There is a person who might pipe and say, “Why don’t you just not do that?” OK, I could put it aside but the odd thing is, the darn thing will be waiting for me tomorrow or next week when I’m equally busy, so how does that help? What’s even odder is that thing you put off, waits until you’re just about to drop off to sleep and then creeps into your head and says in a whispering voice, “Don’t forget…. tomorrow” And I’m awake again.
So, today I took time out at the spa. “Ahhhh.” It was there in the low lights, relaxing music and with the gentle hands of Leanne providing me with a well needed facial, I had a moment. Here I am imparting the wisdom of women balancing their life and careers and I’m not taking my own advice. Asking women to take time out for self and sharing how those around you will benefit from your self care and here I was forgetting to even take a proper breath.
This time at the spa was a luxury I do not afford myself often. Financially it is not always feasible, sometimes I feel guilty for loving it so much and as you can see I don’t allow time. It is my choice to wear all those hats and sometimes a hat is donated and worn to alleviate someone else. Either way, saying “No” is a word that is hard to say, even for me.
So, this counsellor needs to take her own advice more often and the advice of those loving people who observe the flames as I streak by them on my way to the next project.
Taking care of self should not be the gift you give yourself, but the norm. I have to say, I will need to explore this further, reach deep and overcome. In the meantime, I will start small, reduce the current array of hats and know that “Delegation” and saying “NO”, are not dirty words. My face is clean and so to is my conscience for taking an hour + for self.
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Hey there,
There was a woman who came into my elementary school when I was 10 and I will never forget what she had to say. She came in to speak only to the girls about being assertive and strong. She told us that saying “no” is not rude, and being assertive is not being a bitch. I have never forgotten these words growing up, and it has taught me to say no to things that I other wise would have felt obligated to say yes to. It seems very simple, but it’s something (especially for woman) that we find hard to get out.
Keep trying, soon the word “no” becomes much less dirty, and you will find yourself doing only the things you enjoy with much less obligation to the rest.
Have a nice day
This past June 29, the Daily Express, (a popular U.K. National newspaper, published an article on the subject of “Can Women really have it all?”
The hyperlink will not display here, so I will try and publish it via my blog.
I echo the opinions and advice of “Candice” as I well recall the advice and words of a very wise Adlerian Counselor, who I once consulted, after becoming exhausted, trying to be everything to everybody.
Her words were… “Of what value is your “YES”, if you never say NO ?”
Thank you Candice for sharing that story and the person who provided you with words of wisdom so early on in life. It is a fine line we all travel when we aim to please but sacrifice a piece of self. Waking up to my own failings to take my own advice and now gathering the advice of others like yourself is a good thing!
Re: article…Can we have it all, I still say “Yes.” What that definition is will be quite different for each person.
The problem I find is the lack of delegation, the willingness to let go and have someone else handle it.
More often than not, the kids have more on their plate than they need in a week which then transfers to mothers time. We own more stuff that requires constant upkeep, saying “no” on the job can be wrongly interpreted and many women say their partners add more work to their day as soon as they come through the door.
We can have it all but every once in awhile it is good to re-examine what “all” is. Maybe it would be better in smaller doses
I love that counselors advice…very good! “Of what value is your “Yes”, if you never say “No?” LOVE IT! Thanks for passing that along.